Go home

The Price of a Flavor

Renjana Kanya's

I never knew where we were - me, Araz, Mommy and Dad (those who asked me to call that) - would go. Yeah, I mean, we're going to meet Arez, but I don't know where. They still didn't tell me before leaving, nor during the trip. Only the mother advised, I can not cry or regret when I know what the situation of Arez later. Because it has been Arez's choice and I must not regret anything I have chosen before or now.

Before leaving, Araz asked if I had seen the contents of Arez's gift box? Due to the mixed feelings, I forgot about the box and fell asleep until morning. He asked me to open it. The man was still standing next to me as I cried tears of joy at the gift from Arez. A pair of self-painted canvas sneakers like he promised me. More than five years ago.

The memories of that graduation gift talk revolved around my head as if it had just happened yesterday afternoon.

"His, if you're graduating what gift would I get?"

"Now also the third semester has been talking about graduation."

"Well, what semester do you want to graduate? Semester 10?"

"His son, it's seventh semester. Taking a long lecture. Waste money. Anyway, I promised Dad that I would graduate before the eighth semester. That's why I'm allowed to go to literature."

"Oh, including those who think language and literature are not important to learn huh?"

"Hahaha.biasalah, parents think all children want to be doctors. But it was actually their own desire, the parents. Trus who told the doctors kids that everything has been boxed like that?"

"Yes, I'm the one who made the house for the doctors' children."

We laughed before Arez asked again about the graduation gift. With origin I answered wanting canvas sneakers that he drew himself. Because at that time I had seen him work on painting shoes ordered by his friend. When he asked me what picture I wanted, I answered if I wanted a dandelion set in the twilight sky.

That random desire, really manifested in the form of a pair of sneakers that are now in front of me. So beautiful with a blend of orange, yellow and purple and dandelion stems that fly black to form a shadow.

Araz said the gift should have been given at my graduation three years ago. But Arez couldn't reach me at graduation. So did Damar and Almira - who had long lost contact. Yes of course, I missed such a valuable undergraduate graduation. The cumlaude who was supposed to be a student representative gave a speech, could not attend the graduation because his father died. It's not really sad. Though my goal of going to college and graduating early just wanted to make you proud. But God has more power over my whole plan.

"You're beautiful when you smile, Kanya. Just for today, please smile for Arez's sake" Araz said, wiping away the tears that had soaked my cheeks.

"I cry because I'm moved, Mas. He still keeps his promise. Five years ago, he said he'd make painted shoes if I could graduate early."

"He'll always remember anything about you, his. Come on, Mother and Father are waiting," asked Araz as soon as I finished wearing the shoes Arez gave me at my feet. Very snug on my feet. Yeah, looks like Arez does remember anything about me. He even remembered the size of my shoes.

Mother sat in front. While Araz sat next to me and let dad drive. The man's condition has not fully recovered. During the three weeks that he disappeared, the man was in real pain and had to undergo treatment at one of the hospitals in Jakarta.

There was a slight problem with the heart transplant he did. Ever since the heart transplant operation that he did almost two years ago, everything seems to be fine. But the symptoms reappeared. Perhaps due to the lack of maintaining a health pattern that is often missed. Or. I don't know, Araz didn't tell me the details of the pain.

Heh, reality is really slapping, isn't it? Makes me like a fool and evil at the same time. When he showed up yesterday, I still forced him to bring me together with Arez. Forced her to drive for nearly three hours in unsanitary conditions.

Or is that my true nature? Like arbitrarily without having empathy for others and always consider myself hurt? Wasn't the Son the same? Almira, Damar, even Arez, were once victims of my selfish nature.

Truly, given how I behave, I am ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of Araz who always seemed calm facing me sulking. He was even so patient in accepting all my senseless treatment.

"Come, we've arrived," invite Mother while getting ready to go down.

The car my father was driving in slowed down in the quiet-looking cemetery. My heart beats faster. I held Araz's hand beside me. Even my body began to tremble at the thought of something terrible that I suddenly couldn't prevent.

"Mas..this..."

I'm at a loss for words. So is it true Arez is Araz's dead sister? I wanted to loudly ask, but my voice was stuck in the esophagus. However I tried to speak, no sound came from my lips.

"Come on," Araz asked while gently grasping my hand. A smile adorned his face, though the eyes could not hide the cloudiness. "I'll be with you."

"But why are we here? We don't want to see Arez here, do we?" The question finally came out of my mouth. Even tears can't stop me from wetting my cheeks.

"Arez doesn't like to see you cry, Kanya. Just this time, smile."

After mastering my feelings and holding back desperately to avoid crying, I followed Araz's steps through the path to where his father and mother arrived first. Mother was embracing on my right side, while Araz still did not release the grip on my left hand. My eyes blurred as I read the gravestone bearing the name Arez. Alvarez Span Universe.

Even though I prevented myself from dying, my tears still fell while reading the date of Arez's death. February 10th, 2018. The exact day I fled to Jakarta with the help of Bude Maya - my father's eldest brother. Two years ago.

"Arez is always grateful to know you for the rest of his life, Kanya. For that he never regretted when God willed for his life. Mother is also proud to be awarded by a child just like Arez. Even if it's only temporary. Especially with his death, he can extend the lives of others and give a child who is no less handsome also well behaved to Mother," said Mother while patting my shoulder. The middle-aged woman's face smiled. As if it had been sincere if the deposit that God lent, it was time to be returned.

Araz held my hand tightly as she said that Arez's departure could prolong the lives of others. Now my mind is able to connect all the events that happened.

How Araz got so scared when I found out the facts about his relationship with Arez. Yeah, that guy must have been afraid I thought he'd taken Arez's life. How Araz loved both parents who had no resemblance to him. Because in the man's chest, there is a heart rate that used to be inherited by the mother and father.

My tears are flowing too. I'm not as hard as my father or Seikhlas mother. I am still a crybaby who cannot hold back tears even if only a speck of dust stains my eyes. Especially the price for a taste that I have to pay with regret. How can I not cry if this is so painful?