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Who Goes to Return

Renzana Alcatraz

Really, the toughest thing I have to do is part with Kanya, even if it's only temporary. It feels like my time rotation seems to stop if it is far from the woman. Especially when leaving him and leaving Kanya close to the Son.

I honestly believed that the man could accept Kanya as a step-sister, when he met in the hospital as he lay in the aftermath of the beating on her. However, the message he sent the night before he decided to go home, made me doubt whether it was true that the man could accept Kanya as his sister.

And, my suspicions were reinforced with her attitude when she hugged Kanya as soon as she got home. I'm a man, I know it's not a loving hug as a brother, but rather a man who loves women.

Thanks for taking care of Kanya for me, Bang. If it was you, I could really be willing to take off Kanya. Sori, I can't deny that I still hold feelings of affection for Kanya. But from this second on, I will truly let Kanya go. I know, he deserves to be happy. And it's just with you, Bang. Sori's.

Heh, I even memorized the contents of the Son's message out of my head. What does it mean to send a message like this and say it frankly to me. Even without him saying it, his attitude was already too obvious even though he tried to hide it. I don't like. Moreover, that feeling gave rise to a strange rumble in my chest. It definitely made me feel more unsettled.

"Sorry, Kanya has to rest. If you want a reunion, then later. Wait for Kanya to come home," I said at that time while keeping the Son's body away from Kanya.

I don't want, under the pretext of being a big brother, to take advantage of the moment to reclaim Kanya's heart. I am a man who has the same feelings as her. Unfortunately, we love the same woman. Although I am not entirely sure as well, whether Kanya has really been able to forget her feelings of love for the Son. And I'm sure Kanya still has the same feelings.

I know eight years is no time to forget each other. They broke up because of forced circumstances. Of course it's not what they want. I will never be able to force Kanya to forget all the stored memories. Heh, I was wondering, how could I be so in love with Kanya that I could not turn my back on the others.

From the beginning, I also knew the risk things that I had to face if I loved Kanya. Whatever the power, Arez's heart only functions as it should only when it is close to the woman. Not that I've never tried it. Before deciding to fight for Kanya, I once tried to fall in love with any woman that interested me.

However, in reality, Arez's heart never once pounded as much as it did when it was close to Kanya. Damn indeed. The young man who bravely risked his life for me, left behind a will similar to a curse.

And now the curse of Arez sank me slowly in the depths of Kanya's heart, which the woman likened to a trough.

Yeah, Kanya, I can't swim and now I'm drowning deeper. If you didn't save me, who would?

I strengthened my grasp before actually stepping away from the woman. My heart is not calm. If only Kanya's position was not in trouble, I wanted to invite her along. I don't want to let that woman get caught up in the nostalgic feelings of the past with the Son.

I took a long breath. To avoid the feeling of heaviness that hung in my chest. Heavyly I said the sentence that had disturbed my mind since the return of the Son yesterday.

"Anything that disturbs your mind, if it's about the Son, please, stop thinking about it for a moment, Kanya. I did say if you can wait, you can also accept whatever your circumstances, but ... ."

Sentence paused. I hid my face between the folds of my arms on the table. Many times I sighed, as well as tears that I secretly could not prevent from spilling.

Can I be selfish about my feelings, Lord? I love her. I want to be with him always. Forever. It's okay, isn't it? You heard me, didn't you? I can expect him ‘ right? Expecting him to return my feelings completely.

"I'm jealous even though I've been trying to do all right. I'm sorry, Kanya. Forgive me for loving you so deeply."

"I'm sorry, Mom. Sorry for torturing Mas Araz to this extent" Kanya said in a trembling voice. I can't stand to see it. Did he shed tears too? I could only feel the woman clasping my hand tighter.

Silent. I heard nothing but people coming and going. Also the soft caress of Kanya's hand on my head. Feel comfortable and peaceful. I want to feel it longer. So I kept my head on the table, so that Kanya would keep stroking my hair.

The rest, we talk about anxiety that disturbs the mind as well as the heart. Including about how I'm going to get through the day without Kanya beside me. Kanya's words made me dare to look at her.

"I'm sorry, Mom."

I shook weakly. "There's nothing to forgive, Kanya. As long as it's you, I'll definitely get better soon."

"Then get the job done, Mas Araz. Then, get me home. Later, I will know Mas Araz with Mama. As ... ."

"Prospective husband" I replied quickly upon hearing Kanya's statement.

I do not play games when saying I want to be introduced as a prospective husband even with a laugh. That's what I offered from the beginning. However, the woman had too many considerations.

Even he was today too much silent during the trip. Letting me be a gripping silent friend. It really sucks, but I don't know what to do either. Because I know exactly who that woman is thinking. The noise in his head was filled with only one name. And, my guess did not miss at all when I heard the confession directly from the woman's lips.

"That's gotta go through Mom's approval first. How can I say that Mas Araz is a future husband."

Kanya's face smiled as she said that sentence. The first words he said to me so sincerely. Without being affected by the world in his head that is always noisy.

"It's okay. His name is also a candidate. Already, I have to go in really this time. I must build a thousand temples for your living" I said, hugging Kanya. It feels so hard to part with this woman. Even it feels, this hug is not able to erase the increasingly burdensome feeling to leave it.

I patted the top of his head. Before he finally kissed her softly. No longer concerned with other passengers.

"Mas Araz, good-bye, good-bye."

I made up my mind as Kanya said goodbye. If I don't leave soon, my desire to be with that woman will be even greater. I don't like that. I have something to do soon for our future. Hanung has been hunting me with questions since we just arrived in this city. Though he himself asked me firmly to accompany Kanya home when he heard the news about Aunt Sukma. Although that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I looked back before entering the departure gate. Kanya's still there. Stand up and wave your hand outside the dividing line between the passenger and the delivery person.

I reviewed the smile. Replying to the wave of women's hands that are getting smaller because our distance is getting longer.

Wait for me, Kanya. As I promised, I will make you fall in love not once, but many times. Every day. Until then, I hope you can muffle the noise in your head, about whatever it is. Including your own brother.

My steps are getting straighter. I can't look weak in front of Kanya. Although in the heart piles of pills. But I have to keep going to fight for my love. At least, I still have a universe that will always support me.

Wait for me Kanya, I will definitely pick you up in a moment.