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What I Need

Renzana Alcatraz

Tired. That feeling kept piling up in my mind. I'd love to pause from the routine that's been making me tired lately. Especially if it's not about MediaPena that we will launch next week. Moreover my miss on Kanya getting hotter. Jealousy was burning my heart.

How not, Kanya is far away from me and she spends more time with Son. Huh, that name again. Really, it feels annoying to be jealous of Kanya's stepbrother. Even if he says he's willing to let go of Kanya, it still makes me not calm down. It was also that feeling that prompted me to tell Kanya the truth on the advice of Hanung.

Alcatraz

I'm sorry, Kanya. Turns out I can't. I cannot accept the fact that you still have the name of the Son in your heart. However, regardless, I will try to accept the reality. Even so, sorry, I can't help my jealousy. I can't accept reality when I think of you getting closer, but how could that not be possible? You are bound as half-brothers.

I'm sorry, Kanya. I love you. I'm sorry if this feeling is selfish just wanting you to have me. Not the others.

After sending that rather long message, Kanya called me. We talk about a lot of things about us. Also how Kanya confesses her feelings to Son. If the woman is still harboring feelings of affection for the former, but not necessarily make her stay in the shadow. He also wanted to run to welcome the sun.

Then I told him I could be the sun or whatever it was for him. As I always say. However, I also can't force her to stay if that's not what she wants. The woman was crying. He felt guilty for dragging me too far in the trough he created. Although it was all my wish and not his fault.

I told Kanya that I would accept all the risks. Even if he decides to stay with only half his heart for me. For I am sure that half of the heart will remain whole if he is with me. After all they decided to both walk forward and not be held captive to each other, right? Therefore, I also believe in Kanya if she can accept me fully. Someday.

After all, are not the ups and downs in a relationship natural? To test how willing we are to survive in the vortex.

"Raz, you still want to be here?"

"Yes, there is a Lea job that I want to check first," I said to Hanung who was preparing to go home while checking the invitation list done by the general administration that had started working today.

This is how it would be if Hanung entrusted the position of chief director to me. All affairs should I correct first before finally going according to plan. Paraf from me becomes the key to all access.

"Yes, I went back first. Still going back to your hotel?"

"I think I'm going to sleep here. Males turned me. Oh yeah, Lea's back yet?"

"Buset. His love for this place. Home gih. Don't sleep here. Keep health. Not to mention picking up Kanya lo. Lea was still in the room. I don't know, he said something needs to be done. Especially the less? People's children are already overtime on the first day."

"Yes, baffles. I can take care of myself. There is a cooperation proposal that must be sent tomorrow. That's why I'm asking you to finish it now."

"Crazy, it's like your robot if you're serious. Just watch out, if you get to KO before launch. Uh yes, by the way how is Kanya? He wants to join us, right? You can't persuade him anyway?"

I took a long breath. Let alone asking Kanya's willingness to join MediaPena, to ask her anything, I haven't had time to do this day. My job takes up too much time. And I promised Kanya not to make her wait any more.

"I'll ask you later. Why don't you just ignore him? The effect is unprofessional if I'm the one who convinced him, Nung."

"Just like ah. You're the boss."

"That's exactly why, because I'm the boss, it's becoming more and more unprofessional."

"Yes but you nawarin him as the president director of MediaPena, not as his girlfriend. How is ah. No reason already. I'll just drop it off if you talk to her."

"Yes like you follow me also dong with him. Let's be more convincing."

"Yes, yeah. I'll say the same to him. There are many real reasons."

"That's the reason I'm clear too, Nung."

After saying those words, Hanung came home and left me in silence. The feeling of loneliness seemed to be stronger to put me in solitude. Although Hanung said, Lea had not returned, but the woman was not Kanya. Moreover, he was in a different room to me at the moment.

Time showed at 21:00 as I glanced at the clock that was coiled around the right wrist. While my left hand grabbed the device lying not far from me. A stack of messages filled the screen. From one name. Kanya's.

Anya

Hi Mas, afternoon spirit!

Still busy launching the media? Keep the spirit yes.

Let me know if you have time.

Oh yeah, don't forget to eat. Take care of your health too.

Miss I u.

I saw the time the woman sent me a message. 13.45. My smile expands. There is a warm feeling in my heart. This is why I chose to stay for my woman. Although half of Kanya's heart still belongs to the Son, I'm always sure if there is a gap that I can seize at any time.

"Smile to yourself, Mom. Beware of kesambet loh," the voice of a woman greeting me who was cool staring at the device.

"Eh, Le, you want to go back?"

"Yes, Mas. The proposal that Mas Araz asked for I've sent you an email. There was no reply so I checked here. Mas Hanung said, Mas Araz is still in the room."

"Yes, thanks Le. I will check later. You can go home now."

"Good, Mas. I go home first yes," said Lea I replied with a nod. After the woman left, I pressed a row of numbers that I recently had out of my head.

There was no immediate answer. However, when that crisp voice greeted from the other end of the phone, it made my heart flutter. Is this something that misses? Even just by hearing her voice, I felt the warmth I felt in her arms.

"Cock not lifted up?" I try to hide my nerves. However, Kanya's reply made me regret asking her, because I knew what she was doing until a few minutes ago.

Really, can't the name of the Son not make me jealous for a moment? That's so annoying. And the more annoying thing, I actually asked about Hanung's offer that made me pat the eel. How could I have this whole thing when I called Kanya. But this is not the first time. And the talk of longing makes me like a madman who suddenly smiles at himself.

"Can I read Mas Araz, a poem?"

Kanya's question restores half my consciousness even though it makes me pound even more. Especially about the idea of reading poetry. I've seen it storytelling, but I've never seen or listened to Kanya recite poetry.

"Tumbens? What's up?"

"Kok what the hell is it? Yeah, let's just say a gift to someone who's longing and patiently ngadepin me."

I laugh. The woman, behind her quiet nature, apparently kept a thousand words that could destroy my feelings.

"Yes, I'll be horrified."

For a moment, Kanya let out a long sigh before reciting Phutut EA's poem. Pieces A: With the Wind (Two-Forked Streets in the Forest of Silence).