"I'm Tired, I Want to Give Up "

Return from the Hospital

Back To POV 1 (Tone)

I've been hospitalized for two days, and now I'm allowed to go home by the doctor. Mas Eagles who faithfully accompanied during my treatment seemed a little happy hue when I was allowed to go home by the Doctor. The usually handsome face is dry and fresh, now pale and thin, the strokes of sadness are clearly visible even though trying to show a happy smile. It was all to cover up the guilt. Guilt over my departure, and when I got home I was in a state of having to go through treatment at the hospital and suddenly got word I had to be curettage due to miscarriage.

Shock and disappointment for sure, but how else? Man only plans, but it is the Almighty who determines our destiny. I sighed to throw away all the sadness of the heart that suddenly whack. Recalling this thing I've been through. The pregnancy I wanted, but I didn't know it. Though while in Jogja I often felt headaches and nausea, but I felt sure that it was just a regular headache, and subsided after being given a warm ginger tea.

In fact, when Aunt Mirna suggested I check into the clinic because she was surprised to have seen 3 times I had headaches and nausea, she said, I assume it's a regular headache and I don't heed the advice of aunt Mirna. If only at that time I followed the words of Aunt Mirna, maybe I was more careful and keep my womb from all possible dangers. Rice has become porridge, weeping and lamenting and all will not return.

I was still crying as Mas Eagle prepared to take me home and help me in a wheelchair. The pain in my stomach felt as my body stood up. Maybe because the wound in my womb wasn't dry yet.

Mas Elang took me out of the ward and pushed the wheels towards the car park. Carefully and painstakingly Mas Eagle put me in the car and put the wheelchair back on the hospital terrace, then Mas Elang followed and got into the car. Mobilpun back slowly, then forward and out of the parking lot of Harapan All Hospital.

I stared at Mas Eagle's face from the corner of the eye. How I was moved to see his loyalty waiting for me in the hospital, and no tired of turning back to the pharmacy and then to the room, not to mention the Doctor's room and then to the nursery again. So great was his sacrifice for my recovery.

Sometimes there are deep regrets, why I was so selfish and left during the fight, just because my heart did not feel defended and felt by Mas Eagle. If I hadn't left then I wouldn't have experienced this bitterest thing.

I threw my face away slowly as Mas Eagle was about to turn his head towards me. Mas Eagle felt spied on and then there was a smile rising on his thin lips. The lips that always fascinated me. I immediately drowned my face and stared out the window.

If you remember the events that I did not expect and I experienced this, suddenly I was sad again and tears flowed again. Actually I have been feeling a headache since at Adisujcipto Airport, Yogyakarta. And when on the plane when there was a plane shake take off the same landing, there I felt my stomach cramped, but I endured the pain until I got home. And after I was inside the house and found Mas Eagle and Sya in the back garden, I accidentally heard their conversation which made my heart even more sliced.

"Honey.. has arrived!" exclaimed Mas Eagle surprised me who was cool to daydream. I was shocked and looked around, and apparently Mas Eagle's car was already in front of the house. Mr. Nanang who opened the gate only I did not realize.

Mas Eagle came down and turned towards the door of the car I was sitting in. I pulled him towards the entrance. There were already Sya and Bi Narti who were also waiting for my arrival.

"Non Nada, Den Eagle.... !" Bi Narti greeted us respectfully.

"Mother....!" followed by the cry of Sya while approaching towards me, but Mas Elang quickly prevented Sya from embracing.

"Yes.. don't....!" peek Mas Elang, immediately the footsteps of Sya who was limped stuck between the Bi Barti checks. The eagle immediately led me up the stairs and into the room.

Sya followed from behind aided by Bi Narti. Then come into the room too, the look on his face is not radiant. Sya then sat on the sofa of our room with a sullen face. Maybe because it was not allowed Mas Eagle to embrace me. Moreover, Sya's legs still look sick when stepping earlier.

"Yes..Here baby.... !" I tried to get Sya closer to the bed even with a still weak voice. The Eagle looked at me as if it would not allow it, but I shook my head in disapproval. Finally Mas Eagle let Sya come to me.

"Yes.. be careful.Mommy's stomach hurts!" tegur Mas Eagle warned Sya.

"Why Mother's stomach....?" His curiosity has not stopped.

"Mother, lost the baby dede. So I have to be careful with Mother's stomach, don't hit her!" persemat Mas Eagle. Sya frowned still harboring incomprehension, understandably still a boy, not yet able to digest all what adults say.

"Mother lost a baby, why?" He still gives questions.

"Then, she's gonna have a sister. But because God still loves the same baby, so the baby was taken again with God," I said to answer the question.

"God loves the baby Mother, then she also wants to be loved by God, let Him be taken by God....!" Said Sya gleefully.

"Yes....!" tegur Mas Elang while wagging his index finger, feeling disapproved of Sya's words. Because Sya did not understand the meaning of Mas Eagle, Sya even smiled happily to make anxious.

"Yes.if there is a baby, the way God loves him is different. But if Shayt wants to be loved by God, then Shayt should obey Papa and Mommy, good study and diligent worship, then Shayt be loved by Allah kaaapan only." I chimed in to give an answer that if understood Sya, even slowly.

"So, what is it to love God, Mother?"

"And Mother had said, if She wants to be loved by God then She must obey and obey what Papa and Mother said, must be diligent in learning, and diligent in worship and many more," obviously though accompanied by ringisan because my stomach feels pain.

"So did Mother....?"

"Yes, honey. By the way, where is Sya's leg hurting? Is it still sick?"

"Still, little Mother," while showing her right leg that hurts from a sprain.

"Had not run away first yes, let the pain quickly disappear and Sya can walk normally again" I said as I reached for Sya's hand.

"Mas...why did she get leg pain?" I asked and hoped Mas Eagle would be honest about what made Sya hurt in her leg. Before replying, Mas Eagle seemed to sigh deeply, as if reluctant to speak the truth.

"Honey, he suddenly came to school Sya, and forced to bring Sya into his car. When Mas chased him he had driven his car, but a few seconds later, suddenly Sya fell out of Mayang's car." Mas Elang tells the story of the incident when Sya had an accident.

"Mas panicked and immediately took Sya to the RS. And at that time really Mas is being tested repeatedly. You left, Sya was in an accident because of Mayang, and you have not been found out about his whereabouts. Stress thinks about all that. At that time it was as if there was no backrest. But when Mas saw who came that afternoon was you, at that time the world seemed to be back on Mas's side, but the happiness again decayed as the doctor told him that you were pregnant but miscarried," continued Mas Elang looked sad looking blankly ahead while glazed.

"So..the thin face and body of Mas Eagle is thin like this, because of thinking about all those problems?" I looked straight at the face of Mas Eagle who was now staring sharply at my face sharp. I blushed in embarrassment, however stared at sharply like that I was unable to endure it. Mas Eagle even laughed seeing me lose in a face-to-face fight for the last few times.

"Yes, one of the most confiscating of Mas is your departure. So for that, please do not go again," Mas Eagle's memory while pinching my nose makes me amused.