It's Not You I Want

decisions

...So why survive if finally have to be sick repeatedly...

Because today on Monday __Daffa had to go to the hospital there was an operation that he had to handle, when in fact daffa wanted to be at home, honestly he was worried about the state of zila, he said, last night's chatter was blessed with zila emotions that exploded again, daffa can only say sorry many times, clutching the body of the sobbing zila.

Today there is also no warm greeting that Daffa usually get from zila, no breakfast served at the dinner table.

zila, who is usually busy in the kitchen, prepares all Daffa needs after dawn prayers, for today let the zila remain lying on her mattress, with a thick blanket covering her entire body.

Daffa opened the door of the room__ in his hand there was already a tray with a bowl of porridge as well as warm tea there.

Daffa sat on the bedside, putting down the tray he had brought for the zila

"Honey eat first Yo, niyh mas already buyin porridge your favorite Lo"

There was no response from the zila, Daffa could only throw a rough breath, and standing beside the zila, Daffa rubbed the zila's head and kissed her forehead.

"The work first well, the porridge is eaten, if you need something to connect mas well"

Because there is no answer__ daffa finally went to leave the zila there, at the grab of the car keys that are in the nightstand drawer.

Hearing the closed door of the apartment __zila woke up from her sleep, not actually sleeping, just trying to avoid Daffa.

In his face a glimpse of the porridge that Daffa prepared for him, hungry actually __but reluctant to eat the Daffa gift for now do not know later.

zila walked towards her wardrobe, grabbing a black abaya with a shar'i hijab.

Finished changing her clothes, zila took back the suitcase that the daffa put down last night to her place

Clothes that are still cluttered in the closet in zila randomly put into the suitcase, a small bag that he always carries the gift of Ali he reached, he reached, a large suitcase full of clothes he pulled, before fully leaving the house, Zila looked at the entire place he had spent almost three years with Daffa, where he had been, one tear drop finally came out again from her eyes, No more holding on to daffa, all finished, zila was confident with her decision now, leaving Daffa was the best choice for them, she said, giving up Daffa with his chosen woman was the right decision.

"Sorry daf I gave up" zila monologue

.....

About half an hour zila finally arrived at the airport, his destination one went away from Daffa's life, a wound that daffa gave too deep for him.

last night zila had booked a ticket to Aceh, yes zila wanted to go to Aceh not to Bandung, his parents had not returned from Korea, I don't know what the problem was there until his parents stayed there for a long time. Zila also didn't want her parents to know what was going on with her household.

before leaving, Zila had also given a letter to daffa.

.....

there was not a single person he told about his disappearance, not his parents, not Hana His best friend.

In Aceh __zila will live temporarily in the house of her grandparents from her father, before her zila had told them about her arrival, zila could not lie and be honest with all her problems, she said, fortunately they understood the difficulty of the zila.

It took hours and hours, finally Zila arrived at her grandmother's house at 5 pm, Zila in warm welcome both beak Bayah

"zila__nak, "grandmother hugged the body of zila, grandmother understood very well what was going through her beloved grandson

"Now you come in, take a shower, the room below is also cleaned"

"thank you, Grandma, cake, you're ready to call zila"

....

"iya dam, my feelings are not good, somehow from earlier I thought Khaira at home, until my greetings to other children"

"emm, ok, daf Khaira is a strong woman, she is sincere with Lo, don't make her disappointed daf" Adam hit Daffa's shoulder softly, and passed leaving Daffa ringing with the words of his best friend.

daffa's feelings are getting worse now, his mind keeps asking to go home, but the job that holds him back.what else since zila's phone was difficult to contact.

Daffa quickly drove his car, splitting the Jakarta road that began to darken

Daffa hit the steering wheel for a call that was never connected to the zila

"God Zil, do not worry about the Daffa monologue

The door of the apartment was open, the state of the apartment was dark, as if to remind Daffa of the incident a few months ago where the zila went to Bandung.

"ZILA" cried Daffa from the door, his mind was in the shadow of the zila who had left him

the door of the room he opened violently, the room was as dark as the porridge that he had brought this morning to zila, still in place did not move in the slightest

The wardrobe he opened, the zila clothes only left a few sheets, the pile of clothes he put randomly into the closet was lost, Daffa sat limp on the floor of the room, and the, this is what made him worry since earlier, zila left again.

Daffa reached into her pants pocket, looking for Hana's number there, as she recalled asking Hana to drive her to Bandung,

"Assalamualaikum Han"

"waalaikumsallam" replied Hana with a ketus

"Lo with zila yah"

"Gue aja no context yet saa him"

"seriously Lo"

"don't tell me zila ran away from home" Hana started to worry about it

Daffa hangs up the phone unilaterally, if zila is not with Hana then where is zila, is it possible zila again to Bandung, but after Daffa__her father-in-law is not in Bandung they are still in Korea, they are still in Korea, then where's zila

Daffa ruffled her hair in frustration.

"Arrrrrgh" cried Daffa

"pick up Zil's phone, I'm sorry, pick up Zil" but Daffa didn't get an answer

Daffa intends to go to ensure the existence of zila in Bandung, hoping his wife is there.

But her steps were stifled with one letter that was on top of the zila dresser. Daffa sits in a chair that is usually used zila to dress up and work, that chair is also where Daffa looks for opportunities to indulge in zila.

"i go daf, I'm not in Bandung, don't tell anyone, don't make them worry I hope you understand I mean daf, after our child is born, we will take care of the divorce papers, divorce papers,sorry daf, I can't hold on anymore, I love you daf", and will always love you, I realize Until whenever I can't get a love reply from you daf , never will this decision be a new beginning for us" I love you my husband"

"ZILAAAAA" Daffa shouted in frustration, the neatly arranged goods on the zila dresser splashed with one edge

...sorry yes if there is typo, have not had time to make revisions again...