It's Not You I Want

Maaf

Either exhausted or comfortable with Daffa's embrace, the zila finally calmed down, who was originally sitting on the floor in a mess.

Daffa who did not have the heart to see the state of zila Moving her sitting on the mattress, daffa released the zila veil that was not shaped, the zila was calm but still sounded sobbing there, Daffa had also asked her friend to come home, Hana initially refused but after being persuaded__Hana finally came home with Erik.

Daffa smoothed the face of the zila who, because of crying, wiped the remaining tears that still pooled at the end of the eyes, the corner of the bloody zila lips he cleaned slowly, zila just stared at Daffa blankly.

Daffa rubbed the zila cheeks with both of his hands, flattened filled which he always pinched anxiously in the morning.

daffa's tears fell again, guilt haunted him, he was a husband but neglected to take care of his wife, even alone with other women on the grounds of helping her

Daffa moved to the back of the zila, gently combing the messy zila hair, in a tie zila hair rolled up, up,

Daffa came down and out of the room, not long after he came back with a tray in his hand, zila did not change his position at all, do not change the__ just shift not , his gaze was empty, daffa was worried about his situation.

Daffa positioned himself sitting in front of the zila

"Eat first well, you haven't eaten yet"

Daffa pointed his spoon at the mouth of the zila, there was no rejection, zila opened her mouth, letting Daffa bribe her. After being aware of what Daffa was doing and remembering the daffa treatment while with Zahra, Zila shook off the hands of Daffa who wanted to return to bribe him.

Rice is also a side dish on the spoon scattered on the mattress, daffa was not angry, Daffa picked up rice that splattered, Daffa again tried to bring the spoon closer to the mouth of the zila, Daffa, but again the woman brushed off his hand.

Daffa let out a long breath, though,

Zila robs the plate from the hands of the daffa, zila does not want to be selfish by not eating, there is a baby who also needs intake from him.

Daffa could only look at the zila that twisted its body to turn its back on him.

While waiting for the zila to eat, Daffa cleaned the room that was like a broken ship, broken glass where, Daffa also found a wedding ring somehow zila released from his ring finger.

Daffa kept the zila ring in his pants pocket, and went back to cleaning the room.

Because of the time of prayer Dzuhur__ Daffa prepared to go to the mosque and say goodbye As usual with zila, but zila is not as usual, zila indifferently ignored the presence of Daffa and his speech

"Zil, mas to the mosque first well"Daffa resigned and walked out, zila also came down to perform zhuhur prayer, a sense of pain he felt from the corner of his lips when ablution

Zila changed her clothes with casual clothes, finished __zila held her alphabet for prayer, finished zila prayer spill all her disappointment, her pain in front of the khalik.

Zila continued with the usual teaching, one sheet to another, unknowingly with the presence of Daffa who had been watching him.

Daffa sat down next to Zila, zila did not turn her head in the slightest, ignoring Daffa guiltily, Daffa wiped away the tears that fell in his wife's eyes, Daffa knew how hurt she was because of his attitude

"Don't cry anymore Zil, it's just a misunderstanding, I just want to call Zahra, there's no max whatsoever"

zila grew sobbing, hearing Daffa's words, as sick as it felt, hoping for love from the husband she never visited, she got, seeing her husband hugging a woman who made herself not get love from Daffa.

"zila, don't be silent Zil, don't be rich gini" Daffa embraced zila, confused as to what to explain everything to zila.

zila's sobbing stopped, zila tried to stand up, even though Daffa was still clutching her body, Daffa who realized zila wanted to stand up, took off his embrace and helped zila to stand up

zila put the Qur'an also tidied up her prayer equipment, zila turned off the room lights, until the room was pitch black, the curtains of the room he closed tightly until there was a little gap of light to enter, so that the light was closed, the usual sleeping lamp he turned on was zila let it die. zila did not know when Daffa was lying next to him, which surely__zila felt Daffa's hand was coiled in his stomach, he did not know when Daffa was lying next to him, zila even forced her to turn her body to turn her back to Daffa,

Zila closed her ears, called dear Daffa, but even more made her aware of Daffa who was never sincere for her, he said,

"I'm tired of being tired, tired of the shadow of your past, I can't keep going, I want to be selfish, I want to just be there for you, but you can't, is it that hard?"

Zila could feel the daffodils behind her.

"Sorry, I just want to help Zahra, nothing more"

"Until I forget that I'm also starving waiting for you to come back, which he said to draw water for me, but even alone with Zahra's mother, huh?"

"I give up daf, I can't, I can't continue to haunt your past"

"no, I won't let you go"

"CONTINUE YOU WANT WHAT" Zila held Daffa's hand from his stomach violently

Daffa gasped at the zila treatment, Daffa re-adopted the zila body, his legs locked zila legs

"great love you Zil"

"Hahaha" zila laughed wryly at Daffa's words, what he said__ baby!!!

Daffa frowned, even raising his face to look at his wife's face

"You said baby?, ain't it wrong daf!"

"Honey, baby, stale" continued zila

"From the beginning you never wanted to marry me, you hated me, treated me like a cheap woman, until I became pregnant, if I hadn't been pregnant maybe you'd kicked me away from your life"

"I've told you before, if you never gave me hope, I also won't ask you to make me the only one for you, I'll be self-conscious and ready to go when you ask, but_ _"

Zila took a breath, and in her dispose slowly, holding back the tears from falling again made her chest tight. Daffa was silent, hearing all the zila's words

"But you've changed since I got pregnant, even though that change was me when I was 4 months pregnant, all your sweet words, all your promises , all your sweetness managed to make me float away, until I forgot your attitude it was just because of the child in my stomach, I forgot my position next to you, I forgot , you never consider me, it makes me sicker again daf, if you never give me hope I will realize my position daf"

"I should be able to realize my position, I'm just a woman who can never be loved by her husband, never daf" Zila sobbed, really a wife who can accept, if her household is still in the shadow of the past.

Daffa was silent, All the zila words he had difficulty refuting other than apology, Daffa realized all his mistakes.

"Hus, don't cry anymore Zil, yes I'm wrong __I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called Zahra who almost fainted from hunger, I should have let her pass out there"

" yes, and you shouldn't hug him, you can feel the pain that Zahra is going through, but you yourself always give me a wound in the heart because of your attitude, WHAT DO YOU CARE HAH!!, you know!!, never is it"

" Zahra starve you please, feed me in bribes, while I have to be hungry waiting for you to come back let us eat together , I've even prepared your food daf, I've even prepared, it turns out my husband was busy feeding his past"

"It's really sad so I, have to be present in the middle of your relationship"

"we don't have a Zil relationship"