It's Not You I Want

Not knowing each other

as usual zila woke up at 4 am because he had to prepare provisions to go to the office, after the supplies were finished __zila returned to the bathroom to prepare for morning prayers.

Likewise with Daffa who was ready to go to the mosque for congregational dawn prayers, Daffa was never again an imam of prayer for zila, the last time after the marriage contract.

Zila with simple clothes is enough to make her look beautiful, loose white pants, and , combined with a green oversize shirt toska and do not forget the pasmina hijab that is in shape to keep the chest closed, a little reddening of the lips so as not to look pale, finished

if at a glance zila is not seen being pregnant, her small body plus oversize clothes that she always uses cover her distended stomach. zila is still like a college girl even though she is pregnant for 4 months.

after being ready to zila out and along with Daffa who also came out of his room, their room faced each other, Daffa came out still wearing Koko's clothes and sarongs that he was wearing when he went to the mosque.

zila only glanced at Daffa at a glance and descended down, while Daffa from afar looked at the back of the zila who was beginning to disappear from his sight.

Daffa followed Zila to the kitchen, zila was ready with provisions in her hands but she felt uneasy because Daffa kept looking at her.

"i don't cook more, I'm afraid to cook a lot of food"

Daffa just kept quiet there was no response from the man,

"you want to eat, I want to make you a sandwich"

Daffodied, confused zila actually, the question just spontaneously came out of his mouth because he saw Daffa who had been staring at him

because it was not too late zila took the time to make sandwiches for Daffa. His intention when making supplies Zila also wanted to cook for Daffa but zila was afraid that the dishes he made again would not touch Daffa

Zila sandwich is almost done

"You're adding mayonnaise"

zila just make sure Daffa Likes or does not eat mayonnaise because 2 years married zila does not know what he likes and does not like the man.

Daffa just nodded

after making the zila sandwich also made green tea for Daffa

After making an impromptu breakfast for Daffa, Zila prepared to go to the office, wanting to leave for Daffa as her husband but zila was afraid of getting rejected as she was when she first worked, Daffa ignored her helping hand.

"i go first, Assalamualaikum"

"You ain't eating"

not answering zila's greeting. Daffa asked back

"Well, I'll be at the office with Hana"

Daffa asked with a flat gaze even his eyes were reluctant to look at Zila while chatting

"i'll excuse you, assalamualaikum"

"wassalamu'alaikum"

In the office __zila is busy with her work, Zila is in charge of checking back the novel to be published, which will be published, looking for the wrong writing from the author or there is an irrelevant script and that is where the zila is in charge of confirming the manuscript before it is published.

"Hay, you're so busy Lo"

"hemm, the novel must be finished I edit so that it can be printed"

"Just relax Zil, you're pregnant, don't take it"

"This is Han's job"

"Lo yaa has not changed from the past is still stubborn"

Hana Zila's best friend since sitting in High School until working in the same place, They always share everything both like and sorrow, neither, but with her domestic affairs with Daffa zila never told anyone including Hana and her parents, for the zila was quite herself and Daffa who knew how strange their domestic life was.

maybe some people think their household is fine, let alone looking at a zila pregnancy

"Lo ate Zil"

"already"

"so early in the morning, it's 3pm now Zil , Lo hasn't had lunch"

"just a little Han at home, really nanggung this"

"Zil, now Lo ga himself, there are small creatures that also need intake from Lo"

zila who was just focusing on her computer screen now her gaze leads to her distended stomach, zila gently rubbed her stomach.

"Yo we eat" zila asked

Hana sumringah after successfully persuading the zila, Hana helps the zila stand even though the zila content is not too big but the zila has difficulty just to stand up from his seat

"Lo wants to eat what Zil"

"emm, I'd like to eat chicken noodles again"

"ok, gw also want to eat chicken noodles"

"day sir" said Zila and Hana at the same time, greeting their boss, the main director where they work

"day, I'm going to have lunch"

"yes, sir" answered hana

"all my things are going out to eat"

"no sir, we'll take care of you"

"pa Zil, you're my employees"

zila and Hana look up, and finally agree to ride in their boss Raka's car

.......

Arriving at their subscription chicken noodle stall, Zila and Hana as usual ordered 1 serving of chicken noodles.

Raka turns out to also eat with them, even Raka who pays for their food.

"sorry sir, we're taking nicotine"

"Look easy Zil time"

"our husband is doctor ya zil'

"yes, sir"

"doctor what"

"Surgical expert pa"

"ohhh"

Raka just boooh ria

"ko, I rarely see him take you to the office"

"not infrequently sir, but never" said Hana haphazardly, but it is the reality

"My husband is busy, sir, so it's not easy to nganter"

Finished eating Raka back to deliver zila and Hana to the office

" Why I think the attitude of Pak raka to elo ga changed ya zil'"

"maxute Lo"

"Lo kaya don't know aja Zil, before Lo's wedding raka sir has shown his attention to elo Zil"

"hous, don't freak out Han"

"but, Zil"

"han has not been discussed again, ga pantes it feels about other men while I'm married"

hana nodded and walked back in her arms

.......

Unlike yesterday zila went home as usual, zila actually wanted to overtime again, because her work piled up, but zila was afraid Daffa was angry again and considered her Not paying attention to her content, but she was afraid of Daffa was angry again, so zila chose to go home early and bring her work home by chance tomorrow weekend so zila wanted to spend her weekend working.

"Assynogaic"

There is clearly no answer, because Daffa has not returned from the hospital at this hour.

Zila to the room to clean himself, then perform the Ashar prayer, Because it had eaten in the office, so zila prefers to rest himself in the room, not sleeping also__ just lying down while reading the book , ' he said , for not sleeping after ashar.zila was also reluctant to cook for Daffa, yes__ because Daffa would not want to use his cooking. Although this morning did not know what made Daffa want to eat his homemade sandwich but zila did not want a big head scared disappointed.

I don't know how long Zila read the book, until it sounded the screams of the door sign Daffa had just returned home.

Not wanting to make an ungodly wife, Zila was just tired of the coldness of Daffa who never cared about his presence, Before becoming pregnant, Zila still often welcomed the Daffa Islands with a sweet smile on her face but Daffa seemed to consider zila never existed, the Daffa sukur would accept the help of zila hands, but after pregnancy, Daffa said she would accept the help of the sukur, zila so thought to give up the heart of Daffa could one day Daffa wanted a farewell, so zila must be prepared for all things that will happen in the future , zila was afraid of falling too deeply with her feelings for Daffa, zila was afraid of not being able to part with Daffa.so zila tried to hold back and gave up on taking Daffa's heart that was never there for her.

The completion of the magrib zila prayer continues with the Qur'an tadarus.

It has become a zila routine, while waiting for the prayer isya zila will fill his time by reading the Qur'an, the Koran, Especially now that there is a baby in his stomach zila wants to get his child to hear the chanting of the Holy Quran so that his son will love the Qur'an.

Finished praying Isya, zila Intended to make dinner, but before leaving her room in ketok.

Zila walked up to the door while tidying up her hair ties.

after opening the zila door saw Daffa standing in front of her door.

"what's wrong" asked zila

"already eaten"

zila shook her head

"let's go down to eat, I brought shrimp and fried squid"

I don't know Zila is also confused by the attitude of Daffa who arrived to buy him food, the first time in the last 2 years. Maybe because last night Daffa was offended by zila speech.

zila nodded and walked first towards the kitchen

in the kitchen zila saw 2 packs on the table, zila moved each pack to a medium size plate.

zila also prepared rice and water

Daffa sits in front of the zila, first serving rice to Daffa and then to himself

Zila began to eat, but Daffa continued to watch the zila

"what is "question zila because I feel like I noticed Daffa

"why just eat the smell

yes, ever since Daffa noticed the zila who only ate the smell

"i'm allergic to shrimp"

"are you allergic to shrimp?" Daffa repeated his question fearing mishearing

"yes"

"oh, sorry I don't know"

zila no longer responds and refocuses on her food

the silence between the two, Zila was still focused on her food either because she did like squid or zila was happy because the first time she had eaten a table with Daffa , ' Daffa , in addition, Daffa himself invited him to eat, while Daffa did not know what was on his mind once in a while he looked at Zila with a gaze that could not be guessed

"no need to apologize, it's natural that if you don't know I'm allergic to shrimp, even though our status is husband and wife but in fact it's just a mere status, we don't know each other. I do too, I don't know what you like, what you don't like, What you can and what you can't eat I don't know"

deg

zila's speech made Daffa aware of how high the concrete barrier he built in his relationship with zila. they were husband and wife who live on one roof, but even food matters they did not know each other.

that's how strong that barrier is

"tasteful?, you like"

"emm" replied the short zila while nodding, Daffa smiled briefly

"Rest at home, don't work"

zila frowned

"You're pregnant, you're better off at home"

"Ga can, I will stop working after my gestational age of 8 months"

"why so stubborn" Daffa's voice began to rise

I heard the breath of Zila

"for example, your mouth tells me to stop working, I once stopped working intending to focus on my household, but what I got , I like running my own household, I like, I'm like a woman who doesn't have a husband, I'm bored at home, I need a friend to talk to I need something that can entertain me, for a year I survive, for a year, keep myself busy with your status as your wife, prepare breakfast, dinner, prepare all your needs, have you ever appreciated my little effort, And I prefer to work hoping there are other activities that I can do besides the wasted homework I do in every day "

There was no emphasis on any zila speech but clearly zila held back the emotions that were ready to explode at any time, zila squeezed firmly the tip of the shirt she was wearing as if channeling all her emotions

zila grabbed the glass in front of her, for some reason during pregnancy zila is more irritable, possibly hormonal

"about my content, you don't have to worry I can take good care of it, I'm his mother I know what's good for my son"

"you know every Sunday I go to check on her, just to make sure she's okay in there"

"ahh, yes, you never once drove me, so you don't know, I just want to say he's healthy" Zila smiled , more visible smile forced.

zila stood up from her seat and placed the plate and the glass in the wash without washing it first, waltzing away from Daffa who was just staring at her

Daffa rubbed his face rough in front of him nilar plate of fried squid that is still left on top.meja, which a moment ago made him smile to see zila eat the smell greedily.

In the room__zila stared at the sky of the room while her right hand rubbed gently on her stomach.

zila smiled bitterly, holding back the tears that had been at the end of her eyes, not because of the clash of Daffa , zila was already common in Bentak, not because of the clash of Daffa, it's just that the zila thinks about how messy the household that he considers will be like the household of others who are full of happiness even though there will be a little problem.

but that's just a zila delusion in fact his household can be said to be at the end of the barrier.

whether Daffa or zila who will first say a definite farewell that day zila is sure to happen, Only the child in his womb who is now a zila booster

"astagfirullah" Zila begged for forgiveness for her brazen attitude towards Daffa.