Sharing Love: My Husband Married Without My Permission

337. Dilemmas

My life is now very happy, getting a good husband and also three very funny children. All love each other even though Azka often looks jealous and dominates me and Arga. It should not feel like I was close to Alma, to the point that we had to secretly take Alma away so that I could give her ASI or just make her take a nap in another room. Arga and I have to be smart and take turns to take care of both.

I was sleeping Alma in the playroom, there was a thin mattress where Azka and Gara slept here, after playing usually they would take a nap until late in the afternoon. Azka is playing together with Mbak Sus and Mbak Sari, while Gara is still in school, let them busy chasing Azka who is now happy to crawl.

Very grateful because Azka after the age of one year his health is very good, although not yet able to walk. Said the mother, Azka seemed a little lazy to practice standing or walking, just a few seconds standing she dropped herself and preferred to crawl rather than move her legs. However, who would have thought if he would crawl so fast that I would sometimes be overwhelmed if he had moved.

Tired, drowsy, sleep-deprived Alma and Azka took turns each night. Arga and I bought another mattress and we put it in the room, one of us sleeping alternately with our baby. If Alma is sound and Azka is looking for me, I move nearby, while Alma is with her father. That's our happy life every night.

I still did not dare to bring Azka and Alma closer during sleep, ever on a night when we had not thought of buying a new mattress, we slept in one bed because since there was Alma, we have been sleeping in one bed, Azka doesn't want to sleep in her box. She was always fussy and crying so we had to take her to bed.

We slide the bed near the wall, sleeping in a transverse position so that we can all be together and not narrow, even though Arga's legs exceed the width of the mattress, but how else? That was all we could do at the time.

The beginning of the idea of buying a new mattress was when that night, when we were asleep, Alma suddenly cried loudly, me and Arga also woke up and saw Azka was squeezing Alma's cheek. Obviously my little girl was crying because when I saw her there was a scratch on Azka's nail there. I don't know, not just one time, but I think Azka a little often makes her sister cry. Be it a pinch or a blow.

Ah, it feels like sometimes I get dizzy, how can Azka not be like that to Alma who just turned two months old.

The sleepiness I could not bear anymore when I gave ASI to Alma, lying down with a pillow that I stacked two under the head so that my position was higher than Alma, that's the most comfortable position to fall asleep while giving it ASI. Unknowingly I fell into a deep sleep.

...***...

The sound of a loud cry rang out so I woke up from my sleep, surprised that there was Azka beside Alma, her hand was hitting Alma's face so much that it was crying again.

"Astagfirefull!" I woke up, reflexes picked up Alma. And keep him away from Azka. My son did not feel guilty at all, laughing as Alma cried. He also raised both of his hands, as if he wanted to be carried.

"So, you can't be naughty" I told him. Dizziness in my head I ignored due to sleeping and waking up suddenly.

"Well!" shout Azka. I looked to the right and to the left, no one followed Azka into this room. Alma was still crying, I stuck her on the lap while patting her thighs.

"Astagfirullah, is Kaka here? Hayoo must be naughty again, isn't it Alma?" mbak Sus asked immediately to save the plate and take Azka, holding her.

"Sorry, Mom. Azka was in the kitchen, but she said very quickly," said Sus felt guilty. I still persuaded Alma, still crying even though it was no longer as tight as before. Aware of the buttons of my shirt that have not been closed, with one hand I buttoned it back.

"Alma was hit again huh? Don't pity Alma." Ma'am Sus gave a warning with his index finger, pinching Azka's anxious nose.

"I fell asleep just now, Ma'am. I didn't realize Azka was here. Duh, this child is still fierce with his sister. How's this later? How long will Azka be like Alma?" manyworry.

"Yes, it's natural. His name is a child born not far away is so, jealous, afraid if not noticed again with his father and mother. Hopefully later if it's not that big, huh?" mbak Sus said to Azka.

"So eat yuk with Sister Sus. Let's eat outside" said Ma'am Sus invite Azka. The boy brushed off the rough Ma'am Sus's hand and again reached out to me.

"Already, Ma'am. Azka is just like me. Please leave Alma, have a drink asi him, will not ask for ASI again like," I asked. Ma'am Sus nodded and took over Alma who had calmed down. The woman took him out to invite him to play.

"Would you like Mama? Here, Honey!" I reached out, Azka laughed and immediately crawled quickly towards me. The plate I grabbed from near me and fed it slowly. Azka looks very happy to be fed by me.

Seeing her very happy smile made me suddenly feel sad. Does he lack my affection? Indeed I admit, now there is not much time for me to take care of Azka since the existence of Alma. But what should I do? It felt as if Azka continued to be close to Alma to pity her sister.

Without feeling my tears dripping, I sobbed while feeding Azka. My son looked at me, tilted his face, both his hands touched my cheeks and patted her gently.

"Well!" He's making a sound again. I smiled at him, his eyes now glazed over as if he was also sad to see me like this.

I hugged Azka tightly, saddened by this heart, feeling guilty because I could not yet be a good mother to Azka and to my other children.