Sharing Love: My Husband Married Without My Permission

333. Mourned

I waited almost two hours. The people who were there started to leave the cemetery. Me and Sister Sus just stared at their departure, some relatives approaching me. Aware of their arrival, I got out of the car and welcomed the help of relatives.

"Patient, yes. Mama is calm and no longer sick," said Auntie as she hugged me.

"I wasn't there at the last moment Mama, Bi." No longer able to hold the cry so that aunt's shoulder becomes my back. The gentle claps of my hands tried to calm me down, but instead of being calm, I was getting drowned in grief.

"It has. Don't feel guilty like that. You are also pregnant. Don't blame yourself," said Bibi.Yang the same, hugged me and said condolences after telling me not to dissolve in sadness.

"Would you like to come home with us?" tanya Bibi offered.

"Wait on Arga, Bi. Thank you for coming here and helping us" I told Bibi and the others. Aunt nodded and stroked my back.

"Yes, then we go home first. Remember, after this do not think too much yes.that there is not enough sent prayer only, do not be too late. The deceased will also not be happy if the abandoned continue to be sad like that," said aunty.

"Yes, Bi. Please Auntie help calm Arga tomorrow, yes. I think Arga is still shaken by the loss of his mother" I asked the aunt, who answered the woman with a nod of her head slowly.

"Yes, tomorrow Auntie will go home, help make preparations for tahlilan. You do not get carried away with emotions if Arga is still sad. Please take care of each of your emotions." Pinta aunty.

Aunty said goodbye and went home with the neighbors and the others. I'm still here waiting for Arga and Papa who's still in there.

"Mbak, please call Ms. Sari, ask the fussy children what not," I asked her. Ma'am Sus nodded and picked up his phone in the car, then made a call near me. Shortly the call ended.

"Not fussy, really. Again at the neighboring house, playing with other children," said Mbak Sari.

I felt guilty as well, confused as to whether I should go home and pick up my two sons, but I thought Arga also needed the support of the people closest to him.

"No pa-pa, when it comes to kids. They're not fussy. Azka also wanted to drink formula milk and also eat another. Don't worry, mother." Sister Sus tried to calm me down. I just smiled a little in response.

Azka had been drinking formula for a month. I had to do it because my body condition is still difficult to eat, breast milk is also getting less, and I also need nutrients for my body and also the baby in my stomach. Although it was very difficult when I first gave her formula until two days Azka did not want to drink her milk, but mother and Sister Sus said I had to bear for the good of all of us.

At first it was very difficult, often forgotten if you have to change the milk, every midnight if he was fussy I was thrusting nutrients from me. The first one failed. The second time, I suggested Azka stay with me for a few days, away from me, so she would drink formula milk and I didn't think of her being fussy. It was also done when I weaned first, mother's story at that time. I was left for a week to stop breastfeeding when I was over two years old.

It does not feel hearty, but hearing from the doctor also because my condition is already pregnant and still difficult to eat, it is also impossible that I still m*sui Azka, Azka, I also need good nutrition to stay healthy with my baby inside.

It was sad for four days that I separated from Azka, kept thinking of her until she cried imagining the child crying for ASI in the middle of the night. Crying every day remembering Azka, especially when Gara also looks lonely here without her sister.

Six days, I could not bear the longing for my son, following him to my mother's place. However, not expecting with the mother's words that are either true or not, I said Azka was only fussy two nights, did not want to drink a drink, sofas, so that the mother replaces it with special baby porridge and feed it only at night. After that the next day Azka would drink her milk with the persuasion of her mother and nanny.

Arga had returned from the funeral, alone without papa. My husband's face is red and looks moody, sad to wrestle on that handsome face. Just like it was almost dark.

"It's done, we go home" he said after getting into the car. The driver started to run the car. No one's talking in here.

I lyrically my husband, still silent without a word. I grabbed her big hand and stroked the back of that hand with my thumb. He turned his head, then approached and leaned on my shoulder.