Sharing Love: My Husband Married Without My Permission

11. The Painful Heart

Days pass. Hannah is still in this house. Mas Hilman hasn't even got a rented house for him. There is one house but the distance is very far, Mas Hilman could not bear to leave Hana alone there. He said because now Hana is his responsibility at least the house that Hana will occupy is not too far from here,

Mother often comes here, meets Hana and talks coolly without taking me at all. Mother's treatment of Hana I see is very special. Mother who knew that Mas Hilman had not yet given an inner living to Hana always insinuated me. He said I was the reason my husband didn't want to go near Hana.

"You should give Hilman time to be alone with Hana, Yu. Can you stay at your mother's house for a while? Let Hilman and Hana get to know each other. Maybe they're also awkward when you're between the two of them."

One day my mother said that 'AGAIN' to me, and I said, "I never forbid Mas Hilman to be close to him, but it was Mas Hilman who did not want to, how?" I went back and said that to my mother, which made me angry at the time.

Not that I don't hurt to say that, but I try to sincerely live my destiny now. I also realized, as a first wife I should not be selfish to have Mas Hilman just for myself, but what else would it be if Mas Hilman wanted to be with me every night?

When I reminded him of justice to his fellow wife, he did not answer, and then went outside the room, rather than hear me nag, she said. However, at midnight I was thirsty and went out to the kitchen, Mas Hilman I saw sleeping on the sofa with his hands folded in front of his chest.

I was in vain crying until I couldn't sleep that night, thinking what no-no adult men and women could do in the room. Although I am not very familiar with religion, but of course I do not want to bear the burden of sin also because it does not remind justice to men who do polygamy.

Now that I don't care anymore about this hurtful mother-in-law's words, what else lately the mother's condition is getting bad, requiring me to go home to mother's house. Rather than thinking about the mother-in-law's nyinyiran, I better focus on the mother's health.

Like today I was at my mother's house because I passed out again this morning. I don't know what I was thinking until I fainted too often lately. Several times I had to stay over because I was so worried about her situation. Sinta also sometimes accompany me to keep my mother at home. Fear and worry, of course, always overshadow this self. I had to leave Mas Hilman at home, or sometimes Mas Hilman also came here.

"You don't leave your husband Yu too often" said the mother to me who was massaging her legs.

"Hilman's pity continues to be left from yesterday, he also needs someone to deal with." Mother added. It's not that I don't think about Mas Hilman either, but I'm also confused about mother's condition. It is also impossible for me to bring my mother home when there is another woman with the status of second wife Mas Hilman.

"It's okay, Mom, Mas Hilman also understands the situation of the mother" I said, smiling. Mom held my hand, I stopped massaging her legs.

"Hilman's always been good to you, right?" I don't understand this mother's question. Lately I've been feeling weird about mother's questions.

"Well, Mas Hilman is always good with Ayu" I replied with a smile staring at mother.

"Thank God. Mom always thought of Yu, afraid that Hilman demanded to have children. I believe in Hilman, but I also think of both parents. Afraid you're uncomfortable with them." I breathe heavily.

"Are you sick because you think about this often?" I asked my mother. Mom nodded her head slowly, looking at her sad eyes staring at me. His hand still gently stroked the back of my hand.

"Mother is just afraid of Yu, I've felt it before." Mother said again this time she leaned her head against the head of the bed.

"Mother take it easy, my mother and father-in-law are still fine. Please don't think of anything else. Remember the health of my mother." I asked my mother very much. Mother nodded her head again with a small smile towards me. I continued to massage my mother's legs.

In this head it feels raging thoughts and also anxiety. I thought of Mas Hilman, thought of my mother-in-law, and also thought of my own mother. Sometimes it doesn't feel strong. I am usually a crybaby, this time must refrain from crying in front of mother.

"here." I patted the empty spot beside him. I sit where I want to. Mom patted the pillow next to her. I knew the meaning of that mother's movement, and I always did it if I wanted to sleep nearby. Tonight for the third time I slept with my mother again.

We lay together, I slept sideways facing my mother while hugging her thin body.

"Father." I heard the voice of my mother hoarse.

Mom's condition has become good, mother told me to go home after two nights I stay here. By using the services of an online motorcycle taxi I went home, my motorcycle tire leaked when I was leaving two days ago. I just changed the tyre three months ago with a new one.

Get home. Mas Hilman's car was parked neatly in the garage, I was surprised by the existence of the car. Not usually Mas Hilman hasn't left at ten this morning, or is he missing again?

I opened the door of the house closed. The situation at home is quite quiet. I stepped further inside. A strange voice came from inside Hana's room. A voice that makes my chest feel tight and I feel sorry for coming home.

Inside there was also the voice of a man and I recognized that voice, Mas Hilman. I could not believe it a little, then approached and placed this ear on the door leaf. Not wrong anymore. Naughty voices rang out from Hana's mouth that mentioned Mas Hilman's name clearly, sounding spoiled.

You once said you couldn't touch him. And it may take a long time for you, but what is this? It's not even a month after your wedding.

I shrink the tears that come out of these sore eyes, the water does not stop flowing like a rushing river that can not be dammed anymore.

The shadows of the adult scene were now milling around in my mind. All the intimacy and warmth that Mas Hilman and I had done together, now imagined that woman who felt it with my husband. In fact, when Mas Hilman was heard saying my name in there. My name! That tone sounded the same as the time when Mas Hilman felt satisfied by me.

I couldn't stand it anymore, I immediately walked away from that door and sat down on the sofa chair. I wonder how long they'll be in there. Although this brain thinks to be sincere with the condition of the two of them, in fact in this heart it feels really unwilling. Be ill.

In my state of sitting quietly waiting for them to come out, I thought of something. Since when were they together?

Almost an hour had passed, but there was no sign of the two coming out. The door to the room was still tightly shut and I was still waiting for them. Wanted to know how my husband would react if he knew I was coming home sooner. I did tell him yesterday that I might stay three or four days at my mom's house.

The door of the room finally opened exactly one hour and forty minutes. Mas Hilman gasped in surprise when he just came out of Hana's room, looking at me who was now sitting staring at him sharply.

"Juice!" He immediately put on his t-shirt which he had just held in his hand. Quickly the sweatshirt was attached to his body and then he walked over towards me. I stood up and brushed off his hand that was outstretched to me. It was disgusted, that hand had already touched another woman besides me even though she was his legal wife.

"Darling, I can explain!" He called out to beg me.

I turned around the table and went towards the room without saying anything to him. I saw Hana who was standing in the doorway of the room looking at me, a faint smile on her lips.

I slammed the door hard, as if to vent this feeling of anger but I don't know who I should vent it to. Maybe it is I who have not been able to accept their marriage. Maybe I should be angry with myself.

"Jeez, I can explain." Mas Hilman's voice came back closer, I turned myself quickly and looked at him.

"What to explain? You and he deserve to do that. You are legally husband and wife. And it's only natural that you touch her." I said with wounds in my heart.

Mas Hilman's face looked guilty. "I am caliph, Yu," he said, pleading with me. "I'm sorry about you I don't know what I did. It all just happened."

I covered my ears until his voice was faint.

"Stop it! I don't want to hear any more of what your reasons are. You're entitled to her, it's your duty, but I beg you to take her away from here as soon as possible!" I screamed while closing my eyes. It was not strong to look at him. If only I could choose, I'd want to get away from him. It felt really sick heart to pray, let alone remember clearly with what he said a few days ago if he could not be with her, but what just now?