Sharing Love: My Husband Married Without My Permission

17. The Reason Ayu Returns

"Let me do it." Mas Hilman volunteered himself, glancing at me with an uneasy look. Hana still sobbed by shaking her bowed head slowly. His hands seemed to move rubbing his stomach which was still flat.

"No, Mom. It's okay if Ma'am Ayu doesn't want to make it. I'll just go to the room. I'm sorry I couldn't get you to work, Mom." He said softly, then got up and left us. I saw from my seat he went into the room. The brown milk that was seen still reflecting the thin smoke was now neglected between us.

I went back to eating quietly even though I lost my appetite this morning. What does he mean? Okay, it's a pregnant woman's request, but it feels like I'm ....

"Yu, can't you make food for Hana. Just this once. Please, he was having trouble eating yesterday. I want to eat a little too. I'm afraid something happened to her fetus if she didn't eat." Mas Hilman grabbed my one hand with a pleading tone of voice. I stopped eating again and stared intently at him. There was a glimmer of unpleasant taste, but he also felt confused as if.

"Sorry, Yu. I really shouldn't have asked for this. But please, you think of the child in Hana's stomach. That'sallthatis. Think he's my son. If for Hana ... You can still be angry or hate her, but my son ...." Mas Hilman took a breath and exhaled it quietly like many heavy burdens he had borne in his heart.

"I beg you, Yu."

"Mas love Hana?" I asked him, it would be painful in my heart if his answer was 'yes'.

Mas Hilman shook his head. "All I love is you, Yu. Hana's just my responsibility now" he replied slowly. There is sincerity and truth in his eyes, but sometimes this heart wants to laugh. There is no love, but how can he do it with others? Am I no longer good in bed? Am I boring for him? Is my service less than optimal?

At least he did not sin with anyone else.

"Just be honest with me, Mom. You happy to have a child with Hana?" ask again. Mas Hilman's face was flat, but he nodded his head. I breathe heavily. It's not hard because of that child, but I don't think I'm the perfect woman for my husband. Why do I not have any children yet?

"I'm happy with the kids, but Hana ... I am still trying to accept him. I'd be happier if I had a son than you."

That word made me hurt even more. When and when. I never stopped praying to God for another life in my womb. Or ... Will I not be able to have children? Seven years of marriage, there was no sign of me like Hana was yesterday.

Mas Hilman deserves what he wants even if not from me. At least, he was indeed Mas Hilman's son, just like the mother wanted.

I rose until Mas Hilman's hand held off. She looked at me confusedly as I started to move away from her. Immediately I took the cutting board and seasoning to make the woman the food she wanted. I'm doing this solely for that boy, Mas Hilman's son.

A pair of big hands coiled around my stomach. My hair she flicked to the side until she freely put her lips behind my ears.

"Thank you, Yu. Thank you for doing this for Hana." His whisper with a trembling voice. His embrace is getting tighter and tighter in my body.

"I'm doing this for your son. Not for him!" I cried with this tooth. My hands are incessantly slicing red onions thinly.

The bathroom door suddenly rang out in a rough close, followed by the sound of someone throwing up from inside. His voice sounded pitiful, sounding like pain.

Unaware of when Mas Hilman let go of his embrace from me, he was already at the door of the bathroom and then rushed in.

So worried about him, Mom. I rubbed my stomach which was always flat. I don't know until when I have to be patient again with my imperfect state.

"Thank you Ma'am, I've done what I asked for." Hana smiled from her bed on the bed as I kept a plate of fried rice and milk that she had not spent on the nightstand. Mas Hilman was sitting next to him by stroking Hana's stomach which still looked flat. The smell of white wood is in this room. Honestly, I was jealous of my husband's treatment of this woman. If I were pregnant, I might be the only one she worries about and she notices.

Mas Hilman went to work while I went back into the room. There was no homework anymore, because Mas Hilman and I had shared the task earlier. Hana should also be involved in cleaning at home, but Mas Hilman forbade the woman and be me and Mas Hilman who cleaned the house.

I am back in my world. Now the world is more fun than the real world. I can freely torture the actors in my story. Ah, if I could also do as I did in my novel, it seems like I would be happy. Honey, this is the real world. What happens if I torture Hana. It is not me who will get sympathy from others, but she who will have the upper hand especially with her pregnancy now.

It's not without me that I'm back in this house. I remember back then, when the doctor called me into his room.

'Mbak Ayu know that Ms Ayu's mother is seriously ill?' the Doctor asked me at that time, his tone was a little unpleasant to hear. His hands pick and sort the paper on the table.

'Yes, tau. What else is going on with Mom? Nothing serious, right, Doctor?' ask me to the doctor. It was seen that both hands stopped and the doctor looked at me with a look that confused me.

'It looks like Ayu didn't know. Several times Ms. Ayu experienced nosebleeds, do not Mba Ayu know? Or maybe no one talks about it?' ask the doctor again which made me more confused at that time. There is also a fear that I feel in this heart.

'Why is my mother nosebleed? Is that a danger?' my question is getting confused. No one really said that. Even Sinta did not say that.

At that time, the doctor breathed. I saw something heavy for him to tell me.

'What's up? Does the doctor know anything else about Mom?' Ask again.

The young doctor held out the paper in his hand. I don't understand what's in there.

'I want to ask permission from Ms. Ayu, as the family who became the guardian, to do a CT scan of the head on Ms. Ayu Mbak.'

I was shocked at that moment. 'CT scan? Wh-wh-what for? My mom's doctor has a heart attack, why a CT scan?' ask me with a vibrating tone.

'I diagnosed that Ms. Ayu is not just a heartache. I asked the doctor concerned. And we agreed to ask permission from Mbak Ayu to do a CT scan for Mother Ma'am. With permission from Maam Ayu. We want to make sure right. Hopefully my analysis has been wrong all along.'

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