Sharing Love: My Husband Married Without My Permission

239. Speak

Since that day, I have lost my joy. I don't know what's been on his mind all this time, he's been acting a little closed. More often in the room than with me during the day as usual.

Tonight, Gara didn't say much either, just like yesterday. He who usually eats while talking and telling stories about his school makes the atmosphere at the dining table cheerful, now no longer like that. It feels lonely. Arga or I who want to melt the atmosphere can only make him smile and talk a little, the rest he re-thought in silence.

Me and Arga are back in the room. Sitting sadly in front of the dresser mirror, combing my hair. Remembering this attitude from these few days that made me sad and worried.

Arga is sitting but a mattress while doing his job, these last few days a lot of work that he brought home. I approached my husband and sat at his feet.

"Pa, I'm worried about Gara. He's been like that for a few days. You speak to him" I asked him.

Arga got rid of the laptop that was on his lap. "OK I will talk," he said briefly always standing up and leaving in front of me.

I am silent after the departure of my husband. There is guilt in this heart is it possible that what I did yesterday was wrong? Did I make Gara sad because I showed her a picture of her mother? I wondered in my heart.

Arga was back soon. He sat next to me. "Have you talked to Gara?" ask him. I looked at her face that looked sad. He nodded his head without answering.

"What about Gara? She wanna talk?" ask him.

Arga now smiled slightly, he took my hand and rubbed it with his thumb. This heart is beating waiting for the answer.

"It's okay. He's just missing Haifa" my husband said. I'm silent now hearing it.

"Pa. Did I take the wrong photo of Haifa? Ever since I took the photo out she's been quiet and looking sad" I asked. I looked down and did not dare to look at him.

"It's okay. I should have felt guilty for not letting Gara know about her mother. I was wrong to get rid of all the things about Haifa from Gara. What you did was right. Don't blame yourself" Arga said.

"It's my fault. I deliberately put away all the photos about Haifa, because I was confused if she asked where her mother was going. Why she doesn't have a mother like any other child. I always see in his eyes there is sadness, I don't want to see it in Gara's eyes. Until finally I kept everything related to Haifa in the warehouse" Arga said softly.

"I didn't know that it would have a negative impact on him" he said regretfully.

"Have it, don't you think about it again, because it must have gotten used to it. From today until anytime, you can no longer cover all the things about Haifa to Gara," I told him. Arga nodded his head. He leaned his head on my shoulder.

"Yes, thank you for taking good care of Gara. You didn't cover up about Haifa of Gara either" he said.

"I'll talk to Gara tomorrow, who knows he's no longer sad after that" I told him.

We were silent for a while. Until I heard Arga speak. "Oh, yeah. When is the four-monthly event at home?" ask Arga.

"Later, I said there should be a four, so he said on the twenty-fourth" I told him.

"Eh, should there be a four?" ask Arga confused. "Why?"

"I don't know, either, the terms are so many times."

***

The next morning, after Gara came home from school, I talked to Gara. I can't stand it if he keeps going like this. Like losing something precious in me, the absence of joy from the child makes me sad and lonely.

The door to his room I knocked several times. "Dragon!" call me. Before long the door opened and showed Gara looking at me at a glance then lowering her head again.

"May Mama come in?" ask me for permission. He nodded and left, I followed him and sat down on the edge of his bed. The boy sat a little far away from me.

"What the hell is it?" ask me slowly. He just kept quiet.

"Mama is sad, from yesterday you don't want to talk? Dedek baby is also sad if you don't want to talk to him."

His hands are clinging to each other. Unable to move, his head still bowed deeply.

"Any problem? You want to talk to Mama?" he was still silent, I couldn't bear to not get close to him. I approached him and stroked his head which had been avoiding me for three days. It's sad, where he always keeps me entertained while some days he's just silent.

"Nothing, really. Brother ...." She's speechless.

"Abang just misses Mother Ifa," he said slowly. This heartache is hearing such a little boy's words. How much she missed the figure of the mother who had given birth to her.

"Keep if Abang kangen with Ibu Ifa, why is Mama in cuekin?" askaku. I tried so hard not to cry. During this pregnancy I became so in taste that anything could make me cry even if it was just not how sad.

"Mama and Dedek are sad when Abang kayak is like that. Where's your smile, isn't it so ugly when sad like this?" I asked while teasing him.

"God will be good, born she has a Mama. Brother does not exist. No one's brother, baby first. Mom died when she was born, right? Isn't he a bad boy, huh?" he said his voice was stuck in his throat. It felt increasingly sad that this heart heard the phrase Gara. Then all this time he thought that Haifa's death was because of it? Although it is, but it is the fact of a woman, taking risks in order to give the best for her son.

I hugged her tightly, kissed her head gently.

"Hey, with Mama. His name is destiny cannot be avoided. Do you know the gift of God to the mother of Haifa that you gave birth to? Heaven," I told him.

"Don't you ever hear from a lecture or what is it? A mother who died giving birth to her child, God's recompense is heaven, dear."

His head was raised and those round eyes were looking at me. "Really?" tanyakanya. I nodded my head. Indeed, I could not describe in detail, so I decided to look for a study from the famous ustadz study from a video on the YT page. I'm looking for a theme that explains this.

"Try my brother with horror." I turned on the video and watched it with Gara.