Sharing Love: My Husband Married Without My Permission

12. Positively

Two months, Hana's still living here. Mas Hilman hasn't found a home for him yet. I've helped to find a home for that woman, but too much for my honey is reasonable. Be afraid, be quiet, not be alone. In fact, the mother-in-law also said a lot of reasons and also defense for the young woman.

'What's wrong with him being here? You can live together in one house, why can't you? You don't pity Hilman? He spends more and more if Hana contracts the house again. Not to mention she has to think about your mother's treatment and also the cost of Hana's sister's education.' The mother-in-law said that to me when Hana said her grievance that did not want to stay alone at that time.

'I'm afraid to be alone, Ma'am.' The woman also said with a clear face back then.

'If you know the more spending why should also get married again?' I said with a word to Mom. I saw my mother was angry when she heard my words at that time and I just glared from there not wanting to hear my mother's nagging on me anymore. Obviously I heard that my mother said I was divorced with Mas Hilman if I was afraid my ration was reduced.

The monthly ration for me is certainly also cut because Mas Hilman now has another ATM that he must fill. Part for me and part for Hana. For our parents obviously Mas Hilman gave it more for the Hana family. Hana still has two sisters who are still in school. Hana's father and mother were just ordinary farmers, he said their income could only be for daily meals.

Mas Hilman just got home from the office. He was opening his tie and I hung his bag and kept his shoes on the shoe rack behind the door.

"When are you going to get Hana out of here?' I asked Mas Hilman.

I may not be a good wife for asking that question when my husband hasn't even sat back from work. His face looked tired, his eyes were not glowing looking at me. He handed me a blue tie.

"I'm still looking, Yu. There was also yesterday, it was far from here," he said. His voice sounded tired.

"Yes, I want to see when he's here, Mas. I wouldn't say he'd been here long." I try to express my feelings.

"Yu, can't you and he live one house?" mas Hilman asked me, he started to open one by one the buttons of his shirt.

"No, Mas. You know what I feel when I see him always being the same as you. I don't like him he's too spoiled with you, I don't like Mas!" Say it with a ketus.

Mas Hilman stopped the pace of his hand, he approached towards me and grabbed my waist with both hands. Our bodies close together provide warmth to each other. He looked me in the eyes with a grin on his lips.

"You jealous?" Mas Hilman asked still with a smile his eyes looked at me with sparkling glare.

"No!" I turned my face the other way.

"Masa? I thought you were jealous!" He laughed, hugging me even tighter. Mas Hilman then lowered his head on my shoulder.

"I've never seen you jealous like this. But I'm happy with Hana, I can see you're jealous." Mas Hilman said that without lifting his head, he was busy pecking my neck. Amused taste.

I wrapped my hands around her neck, hugging my husband tightly. Slowly, tears trickled down her cheeks. I sobbed. Tight-tasting. This feeling in my heart hurts a lot, but I can't afford to retreat.

Mas Hilman hugged me tightly without speaking anything. We just hugged each other tightly for a few moments.

"No, don't cry. I'm sorry about what's happened lately" he said.

"I know Mas, it's not your fault either. This is because I have not been able to give offspring to you. If only I. .. I could get pregnant, you .. would definitely not marry another woman. And we ... surely .. we've been living happily." I cried loudly in my husband's arms. A gentle swab felt on my back a few times.

"I'm sorry, I can't resist my mother's wishes. It's my fault too, I was confused back then, Yu." We both sobbed without shame. We mourn the destiny we have to live in now.

"Mas will definitely find a home for Hana soon, but you're patient, yes." I nodded his request.

We both can't do anything. I know exactly how mom is, she's a stubborn woman. And I also realized what my shortcomings were like. All I've thought about and I've decided I'm going to survive.

"Yahoo!"

Me and Mas Hilman took off our hugs when they heard a strange sound coming from outside. The voice was heard again but now it was smoother than before. Me and Mas Hilman were silent we looked at each other.

Hearing that voice my heart went haywire. Suddenly, a few thoughts came into my head. Could it...?

The voice was heard again, now it was heard calling the name Mas Hilman. Mas Hilman then ran outside without closing the door. He ran very fast leaving me who was now standing staring at him disappearing behind the wall.

With a slow step I walked towards the origin of the sound that was still inside the bathroom, the door opened. That voice sounds painful. I saw that Mas Hilman was patting Hana on the shoulder, one hand holding the woman's hair to avoid falling on the floor. Hana was squatting in front of the toilet.

Not strong to see that I turned around and put my back on the outside wall of the bathroom. This heartbreak is getting less and less.

I'm not a girl who knows nothing. I seem to know what this means, a married woman, who had mixed with her husband, and then vomited. O Allah .. things I have not felt in seven years.

In my little heart, I wish he was just sick, a common cold. Am I bad if I expect that?

...***...

"You pregnant? Thank goodness!" My mother-in-law, came after getting word from Mas Hilman after their return from the doctor. Mom is sitting next to the bed, and Hana is lying next to her. Mom's face was radiant, her hands were stroking Hana's stomach which still looked flat.

"Finally the one I was waiting for came as well. Thank you, Gusti." Mom gives thanks.

"No, Yu. I told you Hilman wasn't in trouble. This is proof that Hannah could be pregnant. Lah you? Hilman has not been pregnant for a long time. Still dare you say that my son is in trouble?" My mother's insinuation to me. I was standing by the door, while Mas Hilman was standing by my mother.

"What did you say, anyway?" ask Mas Hilman.

"That's a loh, Man. Ayu once said that if you are troubled, this is proof that Hana can get pregnant. Which problem here? It's definitely not you, though." Mother insinuated me again. I just bit my lips while feeling in an ungodly heart. Be ill.

"It's mom. Women are different. Maybe Ayu and I are destined to have children too late. Nothing is problematic here. The doctor also said that Ayu never had any problems. Perhaps God's Wrestling has not given us fortune."

"Don't always defend your wife, man. It's clear he can't give you offspring, he also thinks you're troubled and won't have children. Still you defending him? What kind of wife says her husband can't have children?!" I looked at my mother in disbelief.

"Mom, Ayu never said that. Ayu was just saying, that Mas Hilman never wanted to go to the doctor to be examined. Ayu never said that Mas Hilman had a problem!" I said like that to my mother.

"Halaaah, stop. It's the same thing, right?!" Mother said as she glanced at me, then she returned busy to her new daughter-in-law.

"From now on you don't get too tired, let Ayu do all the housework. I just don't want if my daughter-in-law is tired, I'm afraid you and your son are nothing. Listen to you Yu? From now on don't leave the hard work to Hana!" My mother warned me without looking at me at all.

"Mom don't be like that, dong. Ayu is also mother's daughter-in-law. I can't tell her apart from Hana." Pinta Mas Hilman's.

"Yes bedalah. Hannah is pregnant with your child. Yes, I don't want to until Hana has nothing because of fatigue. I've been waiting for your son Hilman for a long time!" The mother cried to her second child firmly.

Again, the pain in the heart increases. I don't know what to do. I should have loved to hear the news that Mas Hilman would have offspring, but I also did not like it.

"Just from now on, you should pay more attention to your pregnant wife. You have to treat him well Hilman. Don't be so funny anymore. The pregnant woman should be dear, must be considered a lot, do not let her have a lot of thoughts. You are also Yu, as the first wife you also have to take good care of Hana and her future children, who knows after Hana's child is born, thank goodness you will also soon follow having a child like him. If you can't, you can also consider their child your child too!"

That remark ... I can't bear to hear everything Mom said. Though the sweet words that I always refer to me. But now those words are only directed to Hannah.

I put my foot out of that room. It all feels so tight to me.

"You see, it's okay. He no longer respects me." Mother's voice was still heard as I stepped foot into the room.

I don't care anymore about what my mom says. I went into my room and threw my body on the bed. These tears flowed considering what you said earlier. It's not wrong, maybe the baby will be my lure to get offspring, but it feels like the mother's speech is too painful for me to digest at this time.

What wrong? Is not having offspring a mistake? a big sin? I don't want to be like this either. I want all of that too. Want to have children. I want to be the perfect wife for my husband.