Home For My Soul

6|Ballant Give Up

“What do Mama mean by deal?” my question does not understand.

I don't care if they suspect me or not. Amaryllis is notoriously stupid, so I know she's used to forgetting things. My mother would not be surprised by this question. After all, I need to know what agreement he is referring to in order to be able to determine the next step.

“We can only send you to SMU. You can go to school there too because of the help of others,” said mama Amarilis. Help others? “Do you think we want to waste money to finance your college which end up just being a housewife?”

What time do they live in? Women today are no longer just thinking about getting married and having children. I have many dreams I want to achieve and one of them I can achieve with college. At least, learn the basic science. If only SMU graduates, who would accept me to be their employee?

I can't expect to be working for Papa's company. So, the only way is by going to college, then applying to work at a better company. Perhaps that way, I can show everyone that I am not that useless Amaryllis. I'm Katelia who can make our lives better.

Then something crossed my head. If the reason I didn't go to college was because they didn't want to waste money, what about Hercules?

“He is a boy and someday will be the backbone of the family. Of course he has to go to college and work in a good place. I don't want him to be like your papa,” mama Amarilis said fiercely.

“That's not fair name, Ma. She can go to college, and I can't?” my protest loudly.

“I told you, what are you going to college for if you only work in the kitchen and take care of children? I could have done all that without school,” he said, not to be denied. “Already, don't talk anymore. Finish your food, then go to sleep. You have to get up early to deliver the cake.”

Not giving up, I changed my strategy. I'll pay for my own college. If it was difficult for me to get help, then as my mother Amarilis said. I can get a scholarship from college once I graduate.

All I have to do now is collect as much money as possible. It's okay to postpone college the following year. I don't have the money to go to a state college selection right now.

Seeing some people taking pictures of me while busking, I hid my face with my hair. I had to think of something so that my face could not be seen clearly. If any of my schoolmates or Amaryllis's family knew, my plans could fall apart.

“Why are you wearing that hat, son?” ask the seller's mother lontong at my main busking place. “Ah, I know. You definitely want to make an appearance that is your trademark, ‘kan?”

“Iya, Mom,” I replied, confirming it. But that's not the real reason. “Who knows I'm famous, mom will be famous too.”

“Amin, amen. Yeah, already. Quickly, play one song to give us the spirit of today,” the door is impatient. I followed him immediately.

“Haste to the Wedding” by The Corrs is my choice. The mother clapped her hands with the friction of my violin. Not long after, the passersby paused for a moment to buy a barrel while listening to my play.

They kindly gave money for my appearance. I didn't get as much as I gathered from the appearance in the garden, but I didn't care. This place is the first place to receive me busking, then I will not waste it.

Moreover, there is a kind woman who became my friend while looking for a mouthful of rice. We were relaxed when Satpol PP came. After escaping as quickly as possible, we returned once they left. It became my habit from Monday to Friday.

“Mothers sell where on Saturday?” aska I want to know.

“Near home. People usually look for breakfast because they do not go to the office. So, my trading is up before noon. I only sell here on weekdays,” he replied. “How about you? You're definitely not here on the weekend.”

“Iya, Mom. I went to the park near here. There are many people who exercise morning and evening, so it is quite possible to get a lot of spectators.”

“Where are your parents going? You helped them make money after graduating SMU?” He took an empty plate from me.

“No, Mom. I want to go to college. It's my way of raising money,” I said honestly.

“Waahh! That's so great! May you be successful, yes,” his prayers sincerely. Why can't Amarylis' mother behave this well to her own daughter?

My activities every day are still the same. I took the cake to school, then brought the money to Amarilis' mother, busied it in a normal place, and went home at night. Seeing that there were SMU children passing by where I worked, I looked envious of them.

Given my plan, then even though the body is tired, I took the time to study before going to bed. I don't want my brain to forget all the lessons I've learned during school. All that I will need to answer the exam the following year.

“This is your original file and this is a legalized photocopy. If you still need to legalize it again, just come. We'll help you. Congratulations on your graduation, yes,” said the officer who served us third-graders who took his diploma and legalization.

“Good, Mom. Thank you.” I looked at the file with hope. At least, he graduated. I don't care about the value that turns out to be true, mediocre.

I got the second rank of all the third graders in this school, but I couldn't take that gift addressed to me. It's been all my hard work, it's all just a memory.

It was strange to hear my classmates crying for me at the ceremony, when I was still alive and standing among them. I just found out a lot of love and lost me. Are they sincere with that cry or are they just pretending?

“Heh, killer!” I heard screaming from behind me. I looked up and saw the mother I missed. “Are you satisfied now that you have taken my daughter's life!?”

“Ma, don't do this,” said my second brother who turned out to accompany him to come to my school. “There are many people who see. Mama also needs to take care of health.”

“I don't care about people looking. They all knew there was a killer among them, but were left to roam free. Let them all be careful when they're around this killer. My beloved daughter's killer!” screech Mama with reddened eyes.

“I—” If Mama finds out that I'm Katelia, maybe she won't grieve anymore. But looking at Big Brother's head, I locked up my intention.

“I, I what? You want to kink? All of these people are watching you pull him down into the lake! The murderer! Just because you were also blown away, the police won't arrest you! But I will not remain silent. You will definitely get the reply!”

Chika and her two friends smiled cynically behind Mama, satisfied to see me become an overflow of anger. Students and school administration officers set their sights on me. Brother forbids, so I can't say anything.

“Where are you going? I'm not done talking! Hey, stop!” my mother shouted as I left the room. Big brother is still holding his body, so he can't help my departure.

I must live to suffer to be a stranger, then to be blamed for the deeds of others, what else will I experience during my life in this body? Amaryllis is dead, and I can't possibly get my body back. All I can rely on is the brain and the skills I have to survive going forward.

But how can I live peacefully? My mom said I would get a reply. I'm in danger that Amaryllis's actions that pulled me down into the lake are scattered. I might not get a job later. Which company would accept a killer?

“Hey, Son. Hey.” Someone patted me on the shoulder, ripped my daydream. “This father is talking to you, but you keep quiet.”

I looked between the father of the breakfast vendor and the man standing in front of me. “Oh. Im sorry. Can I help you, Sir?” ask me politely.

“Your game is very good. Do you want to play in my restaurant?” ask the man wearing the gym shirt. I frowned not understanding. “My life is open at eleven o'clock in the afternoon until eleven in the evening. His address. Come this afternoon or tomorrow, we can talk about the pay. My customers must have been very entertained by your appearance.”

I just felt sorry for myself and the miracle came again. My eyes blurred, because tears welled up in my eyes. I no longer need to run from Satpol PP or fight for a place. A kind person gives me a special place.

Not wasting any time, I came that afternoon too. The man received me kindly in his study. He asked me to perform at lunch and dinner until it closed. During the lunch break to dinner, I was welcome to do what I wanted. Of course I accepted the offer.

The fee he offered was not great, but he promised a bonus if my game was good and many guests liked it. It gave me spirit. If I could get money every day, then my money would be enough to participate in the entrance selection as a student and first semester tuition.

“Hey, Fatty,” said the person standing in front of me.

I just finished performing at the restaurant and intend to go home. My body was tired after a long day of work, so I walked for a while before pedaling a bicycle. Hearing the call, I raised my head and saw three men blocking my path.

“How? Did that rich man give you a lot of money?”