Home For My Soul

119|The Biggest Fear

I was always afraid of that. Amaryllis finally left me for good. Yeah, God. I've never been this scared in my life. Breaking up with him is no problem. I can always know his progress every day.

But if he disappears and no trace of him is known, I'm going crazy. She was my first love, the most important person in my life. I can't lose him. I tried to contact Daisy, but I didn't find my phone in my pocket.

It's dreaming. It's just a dream. I keep saying it in my head. Amaryllis won't just walk out of my life. The doctor checked his condition. He was healthy, had no disease whatsoever, no congenital disease was found, so he would live a long life. We were both healthy.

Yes, it's just a dream. Awake, Theo. You must wake up!

I opened my eyes and the view around me was dark. Light from outside the room penetrates the thin curtains so as to give a little light. I reached out my hand to light the table lamp. I was relieved to see me in my room.

I rushed out of bed and out of the room. The atmosphere of the apartment was quiet and dark, but the light from outside helped me to see the door of her room. I turned the knob as quietly as possible and exhaled to see him lying on his bed.

Mercifully. I was just having a bad dream. A dream that has been visiting me more and more lately. Is this a bad sign? No, I have to think positively. Amaryllis is fine and will never leave my side.

I sat on the floor near his bed. He who is sound looks peaceful. I refrained from touching her so she wouldn't wake up. I don't know what charm makes this woman different from others. She easily captured my heart just for him.

My friends think I'm crazy for rejecting a woman as beautiful as Clara. If only they knew, my heart would have. No matter how hard other women try to attract my attention, there is no one like Amarylis. Even if I am angry or distant from him, he is the only one in my head and heart. I don't know if it's a gift or a curse.

One thing is for sure, I am happy with him. All the emotions that I thought were impossible for me to experience, I felt when I was with her. He really made my heart come back to life.

On the eve of the end of the year, I got many invitations, but I prefer to celebrate alone with Amarylis. I took him to a location where we could see fireworks with thousands of other people.

“Theo, what's up?” tanyakanya.

I looked towards him. “What's up?”

“You've been hugging me all the time. How can I eat if you are like this?” He looked towards my hand that was encircling his body.

All because of my nightmares. “Abviously you don't get cold?”

“No. This outfit is quite warm.”

I bought a large sandwich for us to enjoy while waiting for the year to change. The show will start soon, but we are hungry. Risk of being in a cold place. If he had been drinking heavily earlier, not tonight. We needit.

“What are your hopes for next year?” tanyanya slow.

“Married to you, but you are still in college,” I replied accordingly.

He nudged my arm. “Serious jawab.”

“That's the most serious. Finishing college is certain, advancing Papa's restaurant has been my target since last year. Well, marry lo who has not been fulfilled.”

“I hope next year everyone is healthy and well. Then we stick together.” He smiled happily.

“How about the study lo?”

“I'm sure I can finish it well.” He looks confident.

We were done eating, so I collected and dumped the used wrapping paper into a nearby trash can. Then I went back and sat by his side. He brought his body closer to me, so I wrapped my hand on his shoulder.

The more dissolved, the more piercing the air. But the people who swarm near us help to give warmth. We filled our stomachs and drank warm. So, we were safe during the celebration.

“Whichever you choose. I'm sure you will choose the capital because there your papa company is located, ‘kan?” the answer.

“Iya. After the third year, I'll be watching the restaurant from afar. I look directly every six months to make sure the situation is in accordance with the report.”

“Are you going to take me too?” tanyanya expectantly.

“Of course.” I tightened my embrace. “My wife goes wherever I go. Boss lo will not be able to block my intention.”

He's laughing a little. “True too. I'll work, can't take time off as I please.”

Talking about the future with him doesn't feel scary. But I am not ready to take on such a big responsibility. But somehow I was sure I could if the woman by my side was Amarylis.

The people around us started counting down, I glanced at my watch. We stood up from the park bench with the crowd and looked up into the sky. Exactly one second after the number one was so called, the night sky turned brightly lit by beautiful fireworks.

My heart was pounding hard at seeing it. We made it through a year and into a new year. I took a deep breath, hoping good things would happen this year. Such a good thing standing by my side that was given by the previous year.

“Happy New Year, Theo!” her cheering.

I bowed my head and kissed her lips. “Happy New Year, Kat,” reply.

He pulled my jacket collar, then glanced at my lips. Understanding his point, I kissed him again. We were in a crowd, so this place was safe to have a romp with him. Although my young blood was so intense, I treated him gently.

The holidays are over for me, but not for Amarylis. I got back to struggling with the thesis and he's still helping out where he can. He checked my situation in the room. If my drink runs out, he'll fill my water container. In the afternoon, he will make coffee and bring a snack or fruit. When I was tired, she comforted me by telling me a newly read joke.

Sometimes, I tease her by hugging her while standing by my side, peeping her cheeks, or pulling her to sit on my lap. Her red face always managed to drive away my every tiredness. Unfortunately, I couldn't kiss her soft lips in the apartment.

“Lo does not have to be in the apartment all day if bored. You can go for a walk. Invite friends lo.” I wrapped my hands around her so she couldn't stand up from my lap.

He looked towards his hand that was on his thigh. “I just want to walk with you. Anyway, how can I have fun while you're having a hard time here?”

“Omong empty. You will also experience this later. While your lecture is not solid, do not waste a day off.” I pressed the tip of his nose with my index finger.

“You cajole as hard as you can, I don't want to go. I'd better get out now. You need to finish your thesis. Don't forget, you'll meet your lecturer tomorrow.”

Because he was right, I let him go. The book was finished reading, the idea came up smoothly, so I could type in a few pages earlier. Stay to the hard part, reread and check for typing errors. The most disgusting part.

“Have you checked your luggage? Nothing left?” ask when I'm going to college.

“No, dear.” I put on my shoes, then looked at him. “I'm leaving, yes.”

“Wait.” He gave me a signal to get closer. I followed and he peeked at me. “Hopefully succeed.” I smiled hearing it.

Hopefully my lecturer will approve this chapter, so I can go to the last chapter and be ready for the thesis hearing. I only have one thing to focus on. Looking for a way for me and Amarylis to get married once she graduated, without having to get the blessing of her parents.

(Go, Theo! Theo, go! You can do it, Theo!)

*Amarilis when encouraging.