SOULMATES

Baby Blues

Today is Sunday, May 22, 2022, my graduation day from the iddah period, I finally freed up whether what degree I deserve now, because the exam is even heavier than the thesis and my Bachelor of Accounting trial first.

No celebration, no one giving happy graduation speech, no one giving flowers, no one giving graduation doll gifts. Even having to go back and forth in and out of the Hospital, very sad. But I am still grateful because until this moment I am still strong, even I have no fear to face anything that will happen in the future in my life.

Even though in the future I do not know what my life will be like, want to open an empty goods store, shopping for money runs out, waiting for a mate does not come. Applying for a job no vacancies. I don't know what to do, I don't know. Only praying to Allah is sure that Allah will help me find a way out, even if I die today I am not afraid at all, I am ready.

There's a call from my dad, though,

"What time is De here?"

"Jarel hasn't woken up yet."

"Bring hot water yeah, here the gallons are empty."

"Ready."

I clean the house first, wash clothes. Approaching Jarel who was still asleep.

"A wake up, hayo take a shower. I want to go to the hospital again."

"Hmmmmmh.... Her eyes can't be literate."

"Hey.ayo wake up."

"Mmmmmm....."

I carried Jarel straight to the bathroom, wiped his face with cold water. Instantly woke him up.

"Hayo shower first. I want to go to the hospital again."

I put Jarel back in my brother's house, I gave him porridge for breakfast.

I went back to the hospital, straight to Mom's room.

There's Om Video Call.

"De where?"

"In Om's room, would you like to talk to me?"

"Can."

I gave my phone to my mom, Om can't see my mom right now because my aunt is leaving again for Saudi Arabia tomorrow. Preparation of the items to be brought.

Aunt also Videocall. Apologize for not being able to visit mom now to the hospital, tomorrow fly back to Saudi Arabia.

Aunty confided in me, it turns out that during the aunt came home and was at home. Om does not treat her well, Om seduced other women, as if he would hate to see aunty's face, even to the point of strangling the aunt's neck, and hit the aunt's back hard. Not getting happiness when after years of being left to work.even treated badly. Only in front of others om act as if his relationship with aunty harmonious.

My mom and I were shocked to hear that, because we thought they were okay. Often in my house, there does not seem to be any problems. They both look fine.

Aunt asked my mother to advise Om to fix him. Aunty is afraid that if the aunt later gives up with her marriage, Son Om from his first wife will be a victim, because all this time the aunt was financing the two children Om from his first wife first, first, aunt loves them very much. Financing the pesantren cost them both. Aunty does not want these two children to break up in the middle of his education just because om choose another woman. Because aunty is very fond of her already like a aunt's own biological child, because aunty can not have children.

Aunty always gives an example of my relationship with Ditto to Om. But Om is always evasive and does not want to accept input from aunt. Aunty asked my help and mother to advise her.

I think he wants to be older than me, I also have to give enlightenment to om, as long as he can still improve. Before it's too late, I hope you'll wake up. Because why choose the actor if his own wife has been very good to him, even if there is a lack of aunts, mending open to each other. To understand each other, and to improve each other for the good of the children as well. Because not all problems can be solved with lust, because regret always comes at the end. Before it's all too late. Like my life now, that's hurtling free-fall down a very dark abyss. Somehow I was able to get up and go back to the top where I stood first. Step by step I will try to stand even though it has crumpled my entire body if it can be seen. I feel like I've died and come back to life a few times, died again, died again like a new soul.

At last I felt only peace in my life now, I felt no pain, I felt no disappointment, I felt no anger, I had no ambition. I can only love the people around me, and I don't expect them to love me. Let it.