IF YOU ARE A FOOL

The Wrenching Happiness

Johan POVs

Watching Kayra's wedding with Dian was certainly not easy. Bloodless wounds that gradually dry up will certainly return to nganga.

However, after all I cannot continue to hide from all these circumstances. Given the relationship between us is quite complicated. Between me and Kayra is also between me and Dian. Unless I go far away from this city, with its people and its memories. Even if I'm not sure, when will this feeling go away.

Especially with the relationship between two families who are already like brothers. Even my family doesn't know about my broken relationship with Kayra.

They will know slowly. And maybe that's when it will decide to go, out of all this hassle.

I was ashamed, ashamed of my parents for what I did. Shame on Kayra's parents. Especially for Kayra, the guilt that changed filled the cavity.

At Dian's request as well as Nahla's encouragement, I decided to come on their wedding day. I don't know what's going to happen there, I can't predict at all. Remembering Kayra who had always been in shock when she saw me.

Dian said everything will be fine. Even he himself promised to help fix my mistake with Kayra.

An unusual heartbeat I could feel when I started to step on my feet there. Coupled with the sound of music, where the content of the song lyrics seemed to mock me. I want to run as far away as possible.

Arrived when the bride's car entered the building's courtyard. I was confused to find a place to hide. Until the end of her message from Nahla came in, she asked me to join the groom's family only. To avoid Kayra's reaction that could still be in shock.

As I was about to step out of my chair, I heard the voices of two people chatting. And I heard my mother's sobs. Not loud, but I memorized it was really my mom's voice.

I approached the source of the sound, trying to peer out from behind the curtains. Sure enough, it was Mama with Kayra's mother.

My thoughts have led to what I've been hiding from my mom all this time.

I know, I won't be able to hide all this forever. And again, I don't know when Kayra will be able to forgive me and our relationship can get better.

No longer expect to be able to knit the relationship as usual, because there is definitely Dian. Everything has changed, I know that. At least Kayra can accept my presence without fear, without anger rising.

I passed away leaving two mothers who were pouring out grief. About me, his son who had experienced depression due to a broken heart. And about him, his son who was traumatized by the touch of this heartbroken man's hand.

My heart feels so bad again. Considering how sad I was then. The feeling of 'embarrassment' as if it had disappeared when the tightness filled the soul cavity.

But I'm a man, challenging to shed tears.

I don't know what's going to happen after my mom finds out about this. Am I still going to get a defense? Or just a mockery and slap from papa?

I realized, I had tarnished the image of my family who had been on good terms and were very close to the Kayra family.

Now I have been hidden among a crowd of humans who are none other than the Dian family. I had a conversation with her when Kayra was no longer in sight, entering the building with Nahla. But I can still see from a distance, the figure of the mother welcomed the arrival with a hug.

I coded Dian what I saw.

"already, maybe it's time for all this complexity to unravel. Hopefully after this everything will get better.

I'm still with my promise"

On the other hand I am grateful, Kayra got a companion figure like Dian. A wise man who can protect. Even if I can't have her, I'm calm she's with the right person.

The meeting procession is starting. I watched carefully in silence. Trying to fight all the feelings that I can't keep forever.

I can catch the clear liquid pooled in Kayra's eye patch as soon as she welcomes Dian's hand. The love between the two looks so great. The happiness that erupted from the aura of the faces of both of them I could see.

Without feeling it, footsteps led me to go far away leaving behind a commotion. It seems that I can no longer afford to look any further.

Shaking out of my pants pocket I can feel. Calls and messages from Nahla repeatedly came in. But not to break my steps. Either this step will take me where, which I definitely need to stay away for a moment from this place.

"i'm doing fine. I just need some time to breathe. I'll definitely be back later. I promised Dian I'd get everything done". ~send

I sent a message to Nahla. I know he must be worried about me right now. But things made him unable to get her to leave.

I realized I didn't always have to rely on Nahla to make me smile.

My happiness is my job, not someone else's. I can't depend on anyone else to help me through this difficult time.

Until the footsteps led me to pull over at a coffee shop that is not luxurious. Semi-permanent stalls are usually made by building porters to just rest.

I ordered a bitter black coffee, no sugar. Though before her I never felt the name 'black coffee'. No matter what the bitter taste, maybe the bitterness of black coffee can beat the bitterness of the heart that I feel at this time.

I am a man, maybe sometimes I need to try the black one that is held by most men.

I sip a little of that black liquid. I feel it, I enjoy it. Trying to figure out which side makes people say "my head's dizzy when I haven't had coffee all day"

Little by little, I finally gulped down one cup of black coffee that was still hot.

"it's over, then. Though still hot loh" scolded the seller because I ordered one more glass of black coffee.

"hot mom, but not as hot as my heart now" I said in my heart as I walked back to the bench I was sitting on.

"normal coffee without sugar, huh mas? not bitter yet? " question back to the seller's mother while putting a cup of coffee.

Not long after I sat down, the coffee I ordered also came. Offered by the same saleswoman, the one who questioned me earlier. And now I'm back to asking silly things that I don't need to answer.

I just smiled a little. The seller's mother asked a joke or how yes.

The mother was back behind the table where the coffee was made. Then I heard him talking to his husband. I can faintly hear.

"that handsome gold like his love for mom's coffee mix, sir. Dream what mom last night, can the arrival of handsome customers, rich, so clear eyes mom. Perfume is sir, very fragrant. Must be that expensive perfume"

"huh, what's this mother talking about. It's old and still pretty eye"

"once to sir. Let's not see the buthek continue, the dry smell"

I smiled and listened to their conversation.

This time the fifth glass is served by the seller's mother. Do not count all kinds of questions not asked. I just answered with a joke.

"we are mas, in the building there is food that is served must be more delicious. Drinks too. Anyway, take AC. Kok even chose diem here" said the mother as she passed away.

Well, it's true what the seller's mother said. It's just that all of that can't fool my feelings that still feel the pain.

I just wait for the time, until the show is over. If not now when will I dare to face Kayra directly. Because after this, I have decided to continue s2 studies in the dream country of papa.

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