IF YOU ARE A FOOL

Halal Lover

Rahardian POV

Sometimes the feeling is so complicated to understand.

Between will, rejection, desire that I could not bear if I looked at that smile.

While I only know one thing, that feeling is not halal yet.

It's not that I don't care about all the men trying to tease you, bothering you to just want to get your attention.

Knowing that made me really uneasy to be in the distance.

Even if I could just keep quiet, at least I know that you never let them touch your life.

Until I heard for myself from your words, that you had allowed someone to touch your life, my heart raged again erratically.

It felt so painful trying to fight.

Trying to follow, I also do not know where the current will go to take it.

If I force it, it may not go as I expected.

Until finally I decided to wait in the do'a.

Shut up to all the noise that is going on.

But rest assured, you remain my old little girl.

Let me close this ambition, may selfishness no longer hurt you.

But neither do I give up, I will keep you in the do'a.

Not a day is missed to mention your name in my do'a.

May it be better, when I hang all my feelings on Him the owner of the heart.

I leave all my misses to Him.

I whisper all my complaints to Him.

May you be awake, may you be the one who will accompany my life.

I pat all ambition, when I realized it would only hurt you.

Time goes on, now my age is no longer a child and I can not let it be wasted.

Well, I've failed to become what Ummi wanted.

I don't know what demons have disturbed me, until the memory of the little girl is more powerful, than the memorization of the Qur'an that I have been fighting for.

The more I follow the more torturing this feeling becomes.

It was too late when I knew Ummi was blaming him for my failure.

She wasn't supposed to be a little girl who didn't know what I wanted.

Even to face him I cannot.

I was afraid, my ambition was no longer able to be contained when receiving a welcome from him.

"sorry.. sorry..sorry"

I really want to say that word.

But that way will open the way of closeness back, again,

i'mfrightened.....

I'm afraid the opposition will accompany our togetherness.

I just thought, right now all I have to do is 'rise'

rise up from all adversity to fight you again, my little girl.

Every word is a do'a.

And there's always good hope there

may we be destined to live together.

Maybe not yet, we are both not ready.

But I'm praying, in time.....

I'm the one who's going to say Ijab with you.

Let us now fight together, against all the screams in the heart.

Even if you just look at you in silence, steal a glance...

it was enough to give me encouragement, to fight for you in my do'a.

I'm sorry I'm too cowardly

I'm sorry that I might hurt you

Ii'm sorry.......

Hopefully your hatred is no greater than your desire for us to stay together as we were in childhood.

"i looked at a dull photo of my childhood. When you wear a hat from the leaves.

I hope I will put a ring on your ring finger.

I don't feel my tears dripping. Well, I'm too cowardly to say it all. I was too afraid to develop this feeling.

May we be together as HALAL LOVERS, Kayra Putri Almahira.