IF YOU ARE A FOOL

I'm Here For You

The Jogging show that ended so heartbreakingly. Even my eyes are now like marks in a bee sting. No glasses can be used to cover.

Adek was shocked when he first saw my face that collapsed. Mom gave him a signal. Apparently this was planned by the two men.

"sister, I'm sorry. I don't mean "hanging. It might be too frontal if he had to re-cite the phrase "abused".

I just kept quiet, still don't know what to do. Mama's right, I need time to be able to digest all this. To forgive and then to forgive. Even if I'm not sure I can in the near future.

" we go home pa, while looking for breakfast" said mama broke the tension between me and adek.

My mom still holds me. Then follow me sitting in the middle bench. Maybe deliberately separating between me and my dick, for a while.

I think my head is tired. I want to close my eyes. But various kinds of events cross my mind. About brother Jo, about Dian, about the three of us.

...I'm just sorry, why would I be in this mess? Being in a love triangle between two men that I might find very difficult to choose. ...

But love knows where it should go back.

And a soul mate will never be changed, right?

I don't know how many times the phone rings. I have absolutely no passion to talk. Even if it was Dian. Even when it was all down for breakfast, I still chose to close my eyes. Trying to neutralize all the flavors. Until finally mom who got into the car and forced me to eat once only two mouthfuls.

It is not the intention to silence everyone. Especially Dian.

When I got home from jogging I just stayed in my room. I even locked the door. It was only my mother that I let in.

Making irregular scribbles that hint at my heart at this moment.

If usually when I'm upset I always vent on food, this time I have no taste for food at all.

God is always fair, no, there will always be tears in the laughter.

Maybe yesterday I was too happy so this time I was reminded with tears.

Wouldn't life continue like this?

It's also free if I say 'if' because God's destiny is not it?

It was late afternoon, even I could only really sleep in a matter of minutes.

Since morning I turned off the phone after my mom answered a call from Dian.

Finally panic invites Dian to come home.

Knock the door many times. Between wanting and refusing. My mom finally came and asked me to come out.

"get out, talk to Dian. Whatever you feel. Who knows it'll lessen the burden on your heart a little bit" then I'm persuaded by your mother's words.

With weight I set my feet on the sofa. I'm not ashamed to go out with those puffy eyes that look so obvious.

"astaghfirullah Kay, can do this. I took an ice cube in the compress huh" said Dian frantically who still kept looking at my ugly face.

Instantly I nodded.

Then Dian ran down to get ice cubes.

Seconds later he had returned with ice cubes in the basin along with the washcloth. I lay my body on the couch and closed my eyes. Patently Dian compresses my eyes.

Again I remember that time Jo's brother did all this. When the incident was done by him ustadzah Zia at that time.

New tears also mellow, it feels like it has wanted to spill again.

Lord, reassure yourself with this heart with this choice

If this is the best, this is your path

Get that guy out of my mind

I'm sorry I can't make everyone happy

I'm sorry for giving wounds to others

May your happiness be present in our lives

Even if the path does not have to be the same

"Kay, kok nangis again" said Dian sad. Apparently he realized there were tears coming back.

"i know it's hard for you. I'm here, I'll always be there for you. Share all your desires, we face together" the soft words that always make me shady.

"can you have a hug" I said softly.

"crying as much. But promise, after this there will be no more tears"

It still feels like it, but like her my tears have started to dry up.

Dian's embrace channeled warmth. Able to calm the heart that was not shaped. Right said mama, the tightness in the chest gradually disappeared.

"pardon me yes. I just want us all to be okay. Before our happy day comes" Dian said.

"please don't say anything more. My brain is still overloaded for loading.

I still need peace. Later if I'm ready to respond, I'll say"

"well, calm yourself first. Keep thinking positive.

No matter what happens, we are already a fool. And Johan is just a victim of our love story. So forgive him" whether Dian is aware or not of what he said. Or maybe deliberately make a joke so I can laugh again.

"Dian.

"who makes jokes.

Here I compress again, let a little less swelling" said Dian again pushing me to lie down.

"you go back to Pesantren when, sure you want to return with gini-rich conditions? " ask Dian.

"i think I'll have permission for tomorrow. Permission on campus too" I said.

"assiiikkp. I'm also a permit ah" Dian responded quickly.

"so" I still don't understand what Dian means.

"yes, let's get a date that's delayed today" Dian said casually.

"good, date-date. Nothing" I said cynically. Already know the eyes are still swollen, swollen liver can also be.

"ck, so cynical.

Baby wedding ring pens. Want a wedding without a ring? " Dian is correcting her sentence.

"the cake by the way.

But my eyes are still swollen gini" I said spoiled.

"pake sunglasses.

That's why I can't cry anymore.

Lupain Johan's. Remember that if we want to get married.

Think about what the concept would be like. The dress wants what. Think about our happy day later. OK" pinta Dian with her relaxed.

"it's so good to say it. My heart is flat" apparently I have started to talk loudly.

"that's because you're too holy, too self-preserving. And I'm proud of it" Dian started flirting. His hand movements started in another direction.

"he just touched your face with his hands, not until kissed gini right (cup) "sounds short kiss on my forehead.

"Diiiiaannnn, you yes.

The opportunity in narrowness" focus to compress is gone.

"just consider it a practice" Dian said with a smile.

"as time passes the wound will heal. There I am here. Rest assured. You have me, when you get hurt I get hurt too.

It may be that your feelings are very sensitive at that time, so what Jo does is very bad in your memory.

He used to hold your hand, right? Touching your skin. Talking right next to your ear, even if you move a little he has already managed to kiss you"

I was flabbergasted by what Dian had just said.

Where'd he know that? Weren't we ever in a school?

"no wonder where I know. I obviously know all about you.

About you, there's nothing I've missed in the least"

I fell silent with what Dian said. Apparently Dian is the same brother Jo, the same obsession duo. The difference is, Dian's love is conveyed while brother Jo, his love claps one hand.

______________________^_^_____________________