A LOVE THAT WAS NEVER OWNED

DIDN'T WANT HIM TO KNOW

Today I deliberately did not move immediately when the bell came home from school.I let them go home first.I was reluctant to step ahead of them.I kept silent until all had passed.

" is it still here?"

" yeah, you go first"

" are you sure I don't want to wait?"

" sure"

" i first yes. there happens to be a need so I can not nemenin you" . running it from before me. who else if not the figure of Lulu who until now is still loyal beside me.

after Lulu's death I was still silent enjoying the silence in the classroom. I spread my gaze throughout the room. no one said only a dumb shackled mute added to the grief in my heart.. I realized now I was alone.I glanced at the bench where he used to sit, threw his sweet smile, looked at me full of miss, I also missed him. It has been a long time even for us to be quiet with each other. he greeted me sometimes I ignored. he smiled sometimes I pretended not to see. I was hurt to do all this. I was sad to have to do this to my heart. but I could what??. there was a figure who arrived - suddenly standing straight looking at me on the doorstep.he looked at me questioningly . I immediately moved to leave but he immediately approached me.

" what exactly is going on?"

I ignored his question, as if I had not heard his voice.

" Meisha... Why did you shut me up?"

I just smiled at him and just stepped in front of him. My hand reached him into his grasp.I wanted to let go of the grip but he was too firm.then he pulled me up to now I was facing him.

" what is wrong with me. I miss you .. I am tormented by your behavior" he said again.but again - again I did not answer.

" Yes... do you not love me anymore... have you changed so far??" . I looked at him, I was angry if I said no longer love him. we stared at each other for a long time as if we were looking for the truth of what was going on between us.

" if so how?" I answered tightly because suddenly jealousy entered my heart.

" he and I are nothing, it's just because I'm upset that you're still walking with Irfan"

" continue???" my question was correct.my guess was he did not know that his mother was meeting me.

" are you jealous??"

" no!!!" firmly answer.

" then why are you acting like that to me?!"

" what should I do with you?"

" haii, you look angry, you don't look like you used to when you looked at me, you're not like you used to when you smiled at me"

" so you get used to it "

" where's your sweet smile I've always missed?? where is your gaze so full of love?? where's the always cheerful Meisya??" the question is so soft in my ears.

" there's no time to do it all" I said as I ran away from her. I didn't want her to see the tears I couldn't stand. I don't want him to see my sadness any deeper . I don't want him to shake my hard-earned stance I'm building and most importantly I don't want Rama to know that I'm doing all of this on his mother's orders.