A LOVE THAT WAS NEVER OWNED

KARMAS

The more days I dare to ignore Irfan. I want him to get used to my indifference. I no longer want to give false hope.I want Irfan to realize that I can not love him. I want Irfan to get away from me by himself.

" today there's something different about your attitude" he said on his way home. Lulu sees me meaningfully.she walks ahead of us when in fact I don't want Lulu to go ahead.

" just feel it time"

" you used to shut me up, you ignored me, you used to drive me away"

" i am comfortable with myself right now "

" you're bothered by my presence"

I didn't answer it. I knew all my answers would hurt her.

" sometimes I think what's wrong with me, I love you more, I've given everything I can, I've understood all your will, I've been so patient to understand you" I just kept quiet, it was all true.

" i always hoped that one day those eyes would shine like when you looked at her, those lips would smile as sweetly as you smiled at her, she said,, I always give my heart hope maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow you'll start loving me"

I am saddened to hear all of his statements.I have made him suffer so much.

" i'm tired... Do I really have to stop expecting all that??"

but I didn't answer.

" now I'm really tired of everything" he said again as soon as it passed from me. Now he left me . for the first time he could do something like this. it's true that he may be very tired of my game.he's tired of all my behavior, but one thing Fan should know is that I respect you as my best friend.

Even though I was left alone I did not feel pain I was a little relieved maybe now Irfan has started to accept the fact that I can not love him. maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow he can break the shackles of this love.I don't want to hurt him too long, but I don't want to be the first one to break this love relationship. let Irfan himself decide I'll just wait for time.

This leg began to walk enjoying solitude.I walked down the road that is so familiar to my feet.

" excuse me,, we go first" said someone from behind in a coquettish style.

I was shocked when I saw who he was. Rama was walking in front of me with someone I know . he yolanda one of the genk hits. again - again together from the genk. I was furious, I was angry I was hurt. but I try to stay strong . I don't want to look weak in front of anyone, especially in front of Rama. rama looked a little at me and then he came back with yolanda as if he didn't realize that behind me was me .

" what taste is in my heart?? could this be a reply to my attitude towards Irfan? is Rama heating up my manners because yesterday I was still on Irfan's path??"

" is this karma possible?? what reply have I been paying?? it turned out to be so difficult the path of my love.I was trying to let go of the shackles of love with Irfan but Rama did not try to understand my every effort" I said in my heart accompanying each step in solitude.

" i'm sorry why I accepted his love Irfan at that time . why don't I refuse immediately when he says love me.ahhhhh that regret comes always behind"you grumbled to whom. and now I realize I'm sorry to know your love.