A LOVE THAT WAS NEVER OWNED

MEMORABILIA

Could it be that this feels heartbroken???. Where I live day by day feels so agonizing. sadness continues to be etched in my eyes and heart.this time there is no longer Rama in my days. there was no smile that did not start when I always missed. no more warm greetings in the morning in front of the school gate.no more waiting for me in the ceremonial field when I returned home from school. that happiness has faded from my heart.remain memories . yes.all remain memories. Rama...Rama no longer wants to look at me. I once passed him but what happened??? he seemed to think I was not in front of him. he was joking with a group of his friends. sick???? of course it hurts, although no one will know how deep the pain in my heart.

it was so hot today, of course, I went home to school with Lulu.

" it's really hot" said Lulu as she sipped her cold drink

" yes you" I answered still with a gloomy face

" is it sad, right?? still not used to going home from school without him?" ask him

" who's sad.I'm fine" I replied with a forced smile

" don't lie ah pamali" he told me

" yes, I know I've really improved" I replied so that Lulu would not worry.

" promise yes.you have to return cheerful as before.I want Meisya who used to be.not the one like today.which sometimes does not focus.I say this is even answered so. not connecting" he said with a cry.

we were still busy chatting . there was a rumbling sound of other children behind me. faintly I heard the voice of Rama. I wanted to glance at him but I paled. I do not want the incident the other day repeated again.I pretend not to hear it. I try to ignore the desire of the heart that continues to thrash asking to see it and give the warmest smile as usual.

" drink maybe you're thirsty" said someone beside me, giving me my favorite cold drink as I walked past.

" Rama..is that really Lulu??" I asked as I couldn't believe what had happened just now.

" that's it.it turns out he's still watching you" Sya"

" but why did he just pass by Lu?"

but Lulu did not answer it. I hold the drink tightly . There is warmth running through the recesses of my heart. There is a hope that Rama will return to his original. but that hope had to be dashed instantly when I realized Rama was not only the road with his male friends but he actually walked with one of the gang hits. hope is back.

" don't think about it" entertained Lulu who already understood the situation even though I didn't say it. I nodded slowly. I tried well - fine at least for now. I don't want Lulu to worry about me. I don't want Lulu to hate Rama. I want I can forget her. I can stop expecting her ...it's hard for me to forget all the good memories of my time with him, but I'm going to try to forget all that, maybe not this time.

at a crossroads I parted from Lulu. I walked alone. I realized there were eyes that were incessantly watching me from afar. I knew it was her but I didn't want to expect much . I didn't heed it. I kept walking without caring for her attention.