Monster Labile

Trouble

Deepening thirst for my knowledge of religion and the world. I am now very different from what I used to be, who is lazy to want to learn. Armed with high spirits I don't want to waste the opportunity.

I watch lectures almost every day on tv. The "Islam is beautiful" show every morning my grandmother and I watch it together. Religious science is a counterweight in all aspects of life. There are many lessons that we can take from studying religion especially with ustadz or teachers whose knowledge is high. It could or could not be a lesson that we can take it depends on His guidance. But do not also assume "ah later also understand yourself". There is no intention to try to think about it and learning it will be difficult. It's hard not to know how to deal with the problems that are coming.

Themes about work. I'd love to avoid listening to her talk with grandma. Wh why? I don't know why I feel triggered or depressed like I feel so guilty. Yeah iyeah. I should have worked as a man instead of being unemployed. But why should work first while the intention is not there and the personality is still unstable. It's just wrong. The real path to take is the path to a better life. Aren't you?

The soul and instinct never lie. I choose the path of my own choice. But why am I sure now?

Yeah that's the problem..

Lecture this time I do not want to run away because the ustadznya talk about the purpose of making a living.

Yep! Only now do I realize what the purpose of making a living is?

Wh why? Because I don't want to think about it.

In short, in the lecture I got an important lesson for later if you want to work. First, the intention is important. If I combine it with a lot of science from various sources. I sorted out the intentions of the best option ever. First the intention to raise parents but in this case the need for a steady job and a long time to save money. Hopefully not first my own mother who intends to take the Hajj. Both intentions of making a living for worship. Food, clothing, any property that will be produced is intended only for worship. Said Lake Master try his own capital to find knowledge (go to study) must be delicious. There is no burden and feel more blessed. If we worship from people who model us, said ustadz, the alim is the one who modali not us (cave) who worship. I remember my mother too. Nice dong. But of course I won't be like this forever. Obviously my actions are still not right.

*gahhh!

Again. I want more science.

The most important thing for me is religion. I don't want a job to keep me from worshiping and seeking knowledge.

Then, my energy is a little and easily tired. From a small age, my activities were never fixed. Eat only when I'm hungry or want to. Play without time and rest only when I feel it. As a result my body developed and grew following what had to be improved. Unlike the families of children from other families I have freedom.

I have to make conditions for a job not a shackle job. Maybe I need a driving course. Following the times, the work that may survive in the future. The end of time will soon be a war. The dry season forever and ahh if you remember the future must be remembered the end of time. The world is where humans are tested. With the knowledge that I can test aims to improve the faith and taqwa of man. Whether or not we feel the end of time depends on our achievements. Don't feel it. If you could die earlier than you have to feel the end of time. Duh even talked about this.

Well the point is I'm just wasting my time thinking about problems I might or might not have.

With difficulty there must be ease..

Sip. I got the motivation to get out of the safe zone with the right solution. A glimmer of hope without a doubt. The same time I wanted to draw diamond ideas flooded my mind. I just need to be confident. I still have a great chance to grow.

Yes that's my life..

I have my own life..

Problems will always come ruining, be cancer in my life..

My brother came to me bringing news that to me right now is bad news. Kaka Rida told me to make a job application letter for a job I didn't expect.

Just soon! Mumpung kaka Rida has persuaded him. Brother said.

Not ah!

I turned away from him. Furthermore, you can imagine for yourself how to solve someone.

My answer is fixed. No more intentions. If I had my intentions half-and-half again the result would only be the same as I was an apprentice just now.

Almost a week every day my brother comes to force me. It's not that I don't want to get out of the safe zone, but why should it be at a time like this, when I have my own will to make my life better.

I myself..

Have my own life..

The highlight of the problem was on Sunday when Kaka Rida, my mother and her son came.

Rough.I've been rude to call family like calling a stranger.

After Dzuhur I tried to rest restore energy but conflict began to occur. After Kaka Rida asked my mother's kaka son, in the kitchen was immediately excited. Some of them I don't remember.

It feels so awful. More lightening at the beat or in the claws all over the body. A weak mentality like myself is very difficult to survive. So this is bullies. 

My grandmother followed but her voice was slow. A hypocrite who likes to talk from behind.

I don't want to be like that. I learned that I am a solo player who cannot build relationships with others.

So discover the nature of everything. Just make it clear because I already know that nature already exists. A little suspicious for me, my mom's not like her son. Hmm. maybe because of the incident when my brother married I had to show my character of my anger to him and it imprinted.

"Why don't you judge who applied" said his son

*pfft

I laughed a little. I can read the next step.

I don't know if I want to get out of this situation by distracting myself.

My condition this time was very bad. My body is hot cold. My hands tremble. Breathing is difficult.

If it stays like this, I can get sick. I have to activate the Enchanter effect. If again the body's immune down also decreased.

I'm trying to clench a fist. Again flow energy. At a glance from my wide vision I saw the horden moving. Someone's going in but my reflexes are down.

Apparently my brother slowly he came to see me.

Oh look at him with his gloomy expression. The body never lies and feels mistakes.

I want to say rude. It has been presumptuous to enter and also blame the fire axis of the conflict on what better way I treat it. I'm out of ways. Hitting them all was a baseless ridiculous act. Their nature is all that needs to be beaten.

Don't ask me about my condition. Always move without thinking make kezel.

Almost four and a half hours. I heard my brother from behind the wooden wall. I accidentally called my sister.

Wh why?

Ah yes. by the time someone slumped it must be that person wants to find hope through ahh it looks like I went the wrong way. If you already want how else I just continue to ask her for help. I asked my sister to ask me anything I should complete for my application letter.

His expression was as if he did not want to join me. Yes so.

I don't want to be like that. If there was someone down and alone I would have accompanied him and helped him. It's Beater's nature. Even if the whole world is an enemy. Energy that comes from anger and revenge becomes a weapon.

In exchange if my sister is willing to help me I will forgive her. But the answer is only half. I even told my sister to tell me. Intersection.

I got up and got off the bed.

Uhh. lemes..

Uh! I'm recalling. Could it be that my condition is currently being dzolimi. Then I ask for hope bedoa ask for something.

I want a gaming laptop!!

*it's ridiculous to waste time

Soleh's wife? Work first..

Uh! True work. Duh what a good try job. Em. emm. emm. ah any work that does not hinder worship and learning may be just that. Oh ooh! It is possible to memorize the Quran and its meaning and explore its meaning.

I want to curse them but what a cave can pray for others to feel the consequences. I still have a heart. For example, I managed to keep trampling them? Wrong too. A successful intention to step on will not be worth worshiping and again why should it be rude? They helped me once. Remembering the words of pearl

A black dot on white paper.  

Ahhhh!! Why should I do good..

This pain wants a response. And I know that doing it is hard.

Adzan in a moment. I prepared myself to go out and set foot on the burning coals.

Finally I came out and had to step towards them to take the peci. Euh..

"Will we pray?" Said his son 

Double face.

My expression is hard to get out. Wanted to be angry. My body moves to dump them. I don't know what kind of way to do it anymore. The faint aura of those worries would be heard in my ears. Lah? What is the point of doing if not heard. Ihh. cave hear everything don't have to worry.

Short story. They're all pulanggg. I can freely make a Kamvret cover letter. To and fro looking for materials such as photo copy and others.

Done it. I called my neighbor.

"Ah Fidz, Kaka Ridanya again rest" said his mother.

I think it's a lie. Most headaches from hearing the commotion. But I didn't make a fuss or reply directly. Eh?

You feel guilty. So be careful in acting.

I don't want to be like that.

"Well fidz your handwriting's good" his mother praised me.

Make what? Oh, you want to calm me down. No papa. As long as I'm away from them I'm calm.

What is calm. After my palace was bombarded what calmed me down. I don't know, my mind is surrounded by darkness. Why always when I start to rise up want to step must be made to fall again. It used to be after I sold used clothes even laughed at.

Am I wrong?..

I have my own way..

I have my own life..

Even my own mother never held me back. I was given freedom from my mother I never used for anything bad. I don't smoke. I don't gamble. I don't do drugs even though my surroundings were like that.

I'm studying on my own. I built my own character. I fought alone.

Not to be proud. Not as a tool. Not as a pawn to ruin neighbor relations.

And I'll never want to strain my relationship with someone who's gonna keep me sick.

I'd like to say it once

"We deal here, we forgive each other and we can't relate anymore"

Really want!

So that I can move forward.

Piqued. I know it's wrong. Religion requires good family relationships and mutual protection from the fires of hell.

Ahhe..

For now I just want to recover to worship smoothly.