Monster Labile

Zheill and Hope

I have never had the desire to do anything. Even my dreams have none. There is no career in this world that makes me interested. Or am I not trying to find him? why am I trying, maybe my life is soon too. I did not get a deadly disease or the like even though my father used to die from complications of the disease, but congenital diseases I think that kind of thing is not in my body.

Except for my brother. Her heart was weak and I thought that when I was apprenticed I had the same illness, apparently not, I was just exhausted. A short life is just my gut feeling.

Better what I'll do later.

I still don't know my dreams or my dreams. Where I'm going, I don't know.

I wrote the biodata for the major I chose. I chose the IPA major because I thought I'd meet a new, friendly friend like this class, X-1(ten-one). The problem is my dreams. I have to fill it well, for example, normal ideals such as being a doctor or an astronaut would be boring😅.

Hmm. I actually want to consult with someone considering my brother is not very helpful and my mother is not home. There is no motivation and support, I have to do it myself. What is the reason for convincing the teachers. It was a long time ago that I thought I finally had a good reason that could convince the teachers. I have to write with joy.

"wants to make robots"

Umm it feels less interesting.. I'm a little more decorative.

"want to make a robot 😁"

An emot. This way is more convincing. Creating a robot must be related to IPA lessons because that's the reason making a robot is very precise, different from others and more convincing.

After that I actually went into the IPA major class. Uahh it feels heavy. I saw my name in almost last order. Perhaps according to the average value of nursing raps from the list of students who enter this department. A little painful this fact. IPA Class 3, there's only one friend who from my class, Helda, I'm not very familiar with. Huah is heavy.I didn't expect it to be so heavy like this.

I really enjoyed making friends with new friends in IPA class. I also met a new doi. But deep down it felt so lonely. My first semester went by. My motivation has been drained to improve the value of the lesson. There's no hope.

Raga and Rama came to me. Keep looking at the school field while talking about the fasting month activities yesterday. A casual conversation like this is too natural for me. I should have been happier, cheerful and radiant but after parting ways with them the old class made me very lonely. The bitter taste of this reality I must swallow round and round, I must accept it. The sky was overcast this morning according to my mood.

My labile nature on this one also has a great impact on the surrounding environment. The weakness lies in the emotions. When Zheill was already in his grief mode it would scatter his aura of sadness everywhere. It is because he wants to be noticed and understood. Too selfish.

Once I was down and felt like I wasn't considered during class. I'm the last person who didn't get a group. Thinking of it as an exclusion I was immediately sad. Bothered😣 yes. If only I were smarter then the task of the group could be completed alone.

Should I trade intelligence for good behavior? that's very fair to loners.

Can't bear to see me slumped even the teacher offered me entrance to the group of guys. I accepted it. Maybe my friends will think of me as a troublemaker. But they welcomed me well regardless of what I was going through. I don't know if they're lying or gossiping about me, but I'm no longer healed of my grief. Then I became me again. Basic make bother people only 😣.

Every time I get into trouble, I feel sad. Solitude overwritten by the problem is very painful. Hard, scratch after scratch in the heart makes a cold personality that does not care about the surrounding. An empty look as it passed by many people. His originally sincere smile became a fake. Why am I lying cheerfully? that's because there's no other choice. I want to graduate quickly.

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"thousand miles" said Amal, a song performed by Aulia.

The opening of Aulia's third-grade graduation ceremony performed that song where I might have missed watching it. Cih other students are busy chatting to make upset.

There was something strange about why my face was sad. It used to be that singing practice in her face class was also moody. We should be happy to be able to perform on stage but aau even sad. The meaning of the song is too deep. I don't feel good hearing it.

The tone is getting lower and the song sign is almost finished. Aulia's right hand slowly descended. His face confused me. There was no applause from the audience nor from me and Amal.

What did aau expect?

This is straight out ah.

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Getting carried away by the cold after this rain can increase my chances of getting into Zheill mode. Be very calm. I hope that with the quiet ability of my Zheill character, I can fight back my nervousness.

Last month when the sim practice exam had given me inspiration to awaken the new abilities of this character. During practice I unconsciously emptied my mind into unmoved and very calm, then I realized in shock. It was similar to Zetsu in the Hunter x Hunter anime. Zetsu is a technique to hide our absence. Oh yes in the anime Boku no Hero there is also a technique like Zetsu that Toga-chan did when fighting Midoriya. But what it is possible to eliminate the existence. Hmm.Take the luck first to fight my nervous illness.

First clear the view.

Second empty the mind.

Third is not breathing.

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I know my weakness. A sense of worry that will occur when dealing with things that I can't handle. I always hesitate when I do something. Plus I often do wrong. Because of that weakness I could not continue my education after graduating high school first.

My biggest enemy is myself.

My biggest weakness is myself.

Not being able to control yourself is very worrying. If I continued college, I would not be able to stand in everything that would happen to me. Even myself has become a burden still want to add more burden can I stress and commit suicide. Not very funny.

I was given the freedom and sufficiency for what was it all?

Although free to do what I want to do but never think me and my other body agree to sin. Sometimes I can do prostitution but when I go out and see that can cause sin my body reflex avoids it. Thats odd.

I am improving myself and getting to know more deeply who I really am. My religion has also improved.

How light my heart is now that "savory" results in self-improvement. But it is unfortunate that it has taken quite a long time.

It's still not over until I perfect my 3 characters and combine them.

When that time came I... I don't know. Nobody knows.

What do I expect when I perfect my character?

Yes, yes too. Even the ideals alone I have no let alone hope.

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"fidz you know this place" asked Linda's mother

"a-haha ulun(aku) does not know the names of places because they rarely go out of the house"

I'd rather stay at home than leave the house with no purpose. The name of the place or city is difficult to remember. It used to be fitting to go to a friend's house often stray.

"well, it's rare to go out of the house" praised in a relaxed tone

It sounds sincere from the bottom of my heart. Get from experience the answer.

"eh-uh not good feeling, ulun so difficult to memorize the name of the place or road it becomes"

Umm Her mother kaka Linda praised the part of me that does not like to hang out. So as not to fall into a bad relationship. It sounds like gratitude, not praise.

"if fidz works? where exactly are you going?" questions again

"emm wants to be that sweeper or trashman" that's the conclusion of what I expected

"uhh! whyyy?! oh so that it can be raised to PNS, huh?"

"hehhh! can you do it?!" I'm a little surprised

"ehehh doesn't know if the broomsticker can rise to office. But he wants to be a broomstick"

The reaction of Kaka Linda and Kaka Yudhi also followed in shock. What is this kid thinking, huh? maybe so. The answer is based on experience as well. I used to sin a lot or maybe now I still do it unnoticed. So I thought that cleaning up trash could reduce my pile of sins. When I have finished cleaning the garbage I will fill the free time with useful activities. No one complains when I'm careful. Without any risk. Simple work for people who live simply. If there is an excess of sustenance I can save to open the store.

Unfortunately, there is still a plan.

Relax with readers!!! I must be working 😅. This free time I filled it with self-improvement.

*zheill