Monster Labile

Trauma and Character

During elementary school I was a student who was not very smart. A lot of embarrassing experiences for sure, like being scolded and I had a little cry. You know my mentality is bad enough, but I can still switch topics, always cheerful, so no one realizes, hmm maybe more precisely like memory-busting magic because the one watching it must feel shame too😂.

Before I had any sense I didn't know who was using my body, he studied, played and. Such an age as consciousness or reason we have not yet obtained. Her connection? nature, pressure and mentality are fears. The blood of the flesh is the fear of being scolded. Then the feeling of fear grew branching out into fear as the center of attention.

Grade 6 Elementary after the first semester the Judge and another friend wanted to borrow my rapot. In my heart I said 'have known that I'm not smart but still curious about my rap score'. I ran out of class and hid behind a banana tree. I realized why I had to run away from them. I wonder at myself. Then the class found me. I laughed and instead! feeling guilty about them. The experience was the beginning of my ability to read the intentions of others.

Thinking positively? no, I just follow my natural instinct, a hereditary trait to keep a cheerful face. Surely I recovered quickly because I had a friend to play with after school. Forgetting all the pressure.

Then the second experience becomes the leader of the ceremony. I don't know what I felt when I heard that. My memory is vague. I knew I was a stupid student still offering a very difficult lesson for me to reach. Don't know anything suddenly just appointed the leader of ceremony😑. It was the deep-rooted flesh that my fear became the center of attention.

I am so grateful to have instilled a curse that shackled me to become a better person. I still have to appreciate. It's just a matter of incompetence, everyone has their own weaknesses.                       

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Every year I have to take my sister's rapids to school. Forced to be a guardian because my mother is not home anymore. The atmosphere of the school, the feeling of being noticed made me nervous and my body felt cold, so I always wore a jacket when I wanted to travel. Wearing a jacket in addition to making a cool appearance can also cover a little shortcomings.

I'm starting to feel bad. Entering my sister's class and meeting with the teachers as well as the students' parents.

Have I entered the trauma stage?

Keeping it off takes up a lot of energy. I don't know what the best way to get out of this trauma is.

I'm like Killua, who had a curse needle implanted from his brother to escape from a powerful enemy. Unfortunately my curse is from within myself.

Every time I fail to fight it, I get worse. Then drown in the depths.

I once hoped to be helped, but yes, that was impossible.

No one knows me well. I will change my character according to certain moods and reasons. I find it difficult myself to simplify it. Suppose I see someone being hurt, I will enter Beater mode. It was his fault, I went back to myself. Eh apparently still use violence when he has apologized, I entered mixed mode. Hardy😅, every thing I understand and I think it's true is a special reason for the appearance of my unstable character.

The use?

Of course to cover my shortcomings. If I can adjust everything in one form of my character, that's the end of the tale of the unstable monster. Still coming soon! bruh!😅 I don't know when my character is finished.

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Last Monday I went with the judge to make a medical certificate. The main goal is to create a sim!! yep!! I don't have a sim!! ever been razia?! once because Aldi said it was a wedding when my instincts told me it was a raid, which I strangely believed!!😂.

Well actually I don't like to go for a walk either so there's no need to do a sim. But mumpung the Judge wants to extend the period of his sim yes so just follow if later useful.

Which is a lot of people too. I took the number to 56. If the gini is finished it will be long. The ones that had been summoned were already thirty people and this was 9 hours less. Waiting for queues while playing Infinitode games to divert the feeling of being noticed by others. Okay my situation improved after adjusting to the circumstances around.

Infinitode is a tower defense strategy game. This game has been awarded the best tower defense in my life😂 because not only make the brain walk also takes a long time to get its high score. I really like strategy games. Uh my body is not good, this week a lot of business that makes me tired. Half an hour ten. More rames are waiting in line.

Hm!? that's Ari, right? Wearing a police uniform. Wah nakangka😮. He has changed. I saw him passing by greeting the fathers politely and formally. Ahaha so remembered the nature of class time first😅. Maybe he won't recognize me.

Uh! meet Ramlan too. So reunian.

"that fidz was Ari, right?" ramlan. I answered 'yes' casually. Everyone must have changed and I consider it natural. Experience😤.

"ehhh my physical where strong work heavy" I said.

"then why did yesterday choose the department of Electric Las?" Ramlan cornered me

"lady..." I'm despised

I might say I wrote it wrong. Ramlan is a guy who smells mature😂, the cave to children will not be compatible with him. Moreover, there is the Judge next to gua😑 will be excited to hear my answer. At that time I experienced mind blank because I was nervous, who worked schoolgirls!😲. Already wrong majors, I also wrote the wrong year. Formal situations make my nervousness recur. It's easy for you but make it hard to die, my mouth stutters, hands tremble, heart dag dig dug, cold sweat too. It's hard! if it's rooted. It takes a lot of experience to escape my trauma. There's no time to do it.

"eh fidz is our only Junior High, right?" while coding the girl

"oh, who is it?class 3 hmm. oh! class 2 he was my classmate.just I forgot his name, yes we were just acquaintances anyway"

Makin. Who else next? today is the reunion event?😂

After a long wait, it was finally my turn to arrive. Duh gets nervous. Blood tests are already. Eye tests are already. Weight. wtf 55 kilos that much ku😱 weight. Height. 172 cm hehehe cungkring😢.

Habia made me and Judge's medical papers go straight to the police station. Btw police office next to doang.

Uah here twice as many people.

*Gehhh

The more energy I use. Chilling.. Fucking AC. My body is getting worse, if this is what I died first.

Finish filling out the form and bephoto the last stage today is the theory test. Kaka ku bilanh not everyone says that the test of theory and practice is equally difficult. Sorry I was just passing by. If you don't graduate, that's it. The point is I don't intend to win. I'm tired. Get me inside the exam room. There was a girl of Papuan descent beside me who took the exam as well. Hmm unique special computer. Start the exam. The judge said the exam was just right or wrong but how different is it? yahh.

30 Minutes to 30 questions.

Oh no!!

unthinkable to me. I want to pee!! asemmm because of the cold. The race between time and the limit of holding back from urinating makes my mind power super max!! instinctive pressure!!.. 😂

What is the most dangerous driver on the road?

A. Frigid

Wuah! obviously it is right but keep the answer first who knows the choice of B and C is also right.

B. Demon Riders

C. The choices A and B are correct

I choose C. I mark the answer then to the next question.

Behind me is so loud. Police and officers are talking. Do they not realize that their voice disturbs the examinee. I covered my head with a hoodie jacket to reduce my vision so I could focus a little more. I could feel that I was being noticed by the police. Take it easy sir I'm not a criminal, after all it's wrong to talk here.

Long story short I graduated. I answered 21 correctly. Wow, it seems easy. I also went out of the room could not stand it.

*tcihh was even in the waiting room.

Do you know why I don't like to be the center of attention other than trauma? his eyes are like a slider! 😂 eyy pain. suppose not a contact even though I can still feel their intention when watching me. The way he spoke, the movements, the air around him, I knew so well.

Tomorrow at 10 am I and the judge are here. Today I will take the sim practice exam and the Judge will accompany me here, just in case there is a raid. My eyes are so sleepy and tired from lack of rest. I play the game again waiting for the exam but said the father who works here today the police who takes care of it again busy on the field. Ah piss me off, my emotions go up. If you don't know when, it'll just waste my time waiting.

Tomorrow is Wednesday I come again, alone. If up to 3 times there is no officer I give up. Today drowsiness me 2 times. Under the effect of caffein my consciousness was hard to control, it felt like my subconscious was controlling my body. This information is very useful.

There are people in front of me. He's a little older than me. I invited him to a chat and apparently he also wanted a sim practice exam. Waiting in the waiting room for participants. Some time later came the police wearing hijua vests and an employee carrying the participant form file. Thank goodness today I came.

I'm the first participant to write absent and I'm the first one to go straight to tes😐 asemm. Given enough time to practice I use it well. There are three stages of the test.

First drive and get to the line, we have to brake suddenly. Effusive

Second, 2 roundabouts form the number 8. Just a matter of easy calm.

The latter zig-zag like a snake. It's difficult because the timing and both the brakes and the calmness have to be right.

Make test. I'm wearing a bulletproof vest.

*brumm *tiiittt

Anjay crossed the line. Shit I'm nervous. Many participants are watching me. I was given a chance to repeat.

This time I have to be right.

*brumm *tuittt

The left foot landed first then looked to the right side. Nice.

The second stage is a bit of a turn but papa don't fall. After 3 spins to form the number 8 I continue the last stage without lowering my legs. Weh demonstrates skill. I was overconfident when I was under the influence of caffeine and nervous. In the fifth zig-zag I passed. Uhh!

The police said it was my last chance and this time it worked, I graduated at the last chance. Hooray!!

If the condition of my body is good and also not in the guggupan maybe once try to directly pass. Uahh I was sweating so much.

I sat in the queue and waited for the result.

"Who's name was you?" pakpol

"Hafidz Rachmadana" I stammered.

How else is it, huh? I'm the first absent number. Maybe pakpol thinks I'm a rider or. street kids fuckin'😂, but I feel that pakpol wants to praise me. Thank you sir I am a little confident thanks to the experience of working last month gave me the idea that the ability should be used as best as possible. Well I graduated, just pay again and my sim's out.

I was about to hurry but was restrained by the other participants. He said he wanted to borrow my vehicle. I agreed to his will, then went to the payment counter.

Huft

Still feeling nervous. To get rid of this nervousness I better play a game.

Pretty long too.

Incoming message from Nisa. A picture. Oh job vacancies. Sorry I can't stand the heavy work. Still loading, the signal's bad. I put my left hand in my jacket pocket.

*dry

I swear I was shocked! my vehicle keys are still on me!! then??!! damn I missed because I was nervous I went out and went straight to the exam place earlier. Little participant. How long ago. Goddamnit!

I saw the first person I met this morning.

"what about the guy who wants to minjam my vehicle?"

I saw him standing next to Pakpol.

"hhh bro is the test already?"

He just nodded with a resigned look. Ah I understand already. Beater is patient, it's my fault. Ughh my chest hurts so much. Because I was nervous until forgetfulness gave me the keys to my bike. Ahh it hurts so much.

I have disappointed others because of my stupidity. The one thing I want to avoid most in life is not wanting to disappoint others. But I did it again.

I can't remember it. This incident will haunt me.

I'm going home. Sim while I got it. I told my grandmother about what happened. Yes, I was a little venting to relieve the guilt but still felt. So hurt. Try if I'm in his position. Must be very disappointed. I apologize to God for what I did. I pray for the person I disappoint to be given the courage to forgive.

Very handy.

The lesson I learned from this experience was that after getting out of a pinch I had to relax and focus on the surroundings. Quickly change character to Zheill mode. Calm and responsive. I don't think it's just a pinch position. Conditions that let me off guard? could have.

Means I have to insert a point of consciousness when I want to enter an unfavorable state. Instinct plays a role in feeling when something is wrong. At least that way it can reduce my error rate.