Monster Labile

Bad Experience

My worst experience was when I was an intern. Embarrassment and regret. At that time during the month of Ramadan I used my powers excessively.

I want the best results, I don't want to look weak, I want to be happier around me. My family, my workplace, my religion, everything I want as a result of my body crossing the line, my face feeling swollen, my left chest hurting, lack of sleep, and fatigue because everything is improved in a short time. I was too lazy to do good things at the same time.

My work was good and my boss wanted to extend my contract but I couldn't do it anymore, it hurt so much, every time my heart beats like a needle, it's only that sense of responsibility that keeps me from that pain.

I decided to stop, I won't last long. Forced to replace my intern Fahmi for a contract extension, I'll hate him forever, no, but all my coworkers. Gun eat sir. Beater's power was like a double-edged sword, the longer he used it the more pay to redeem.

My family is suspicious of me, maybe I am indeed a lazy person who wants to relax at home, that's how it is possible. Even from the outside I know all the bad qualities of my family, if only met so. What the hell is my fault? even my mother never hated me, that look made me hurt, no one cared about me. My friend can only be brought cool is not the place to heal this pain, so my choice is to just bury this guilt and regret. I am so despicable. Anyone help me. I'm hated. If I kill myself, no one will cry for me, if that person is there, she's my only mother. I don't know what I've been fighting for all this time, everything I want to fix is under attack. I was excommunicated in return for what I had done. Hollowly.

I was thinking about getting out of control. I'm so mad. But I don't have the strength anymore, it took me a long time to recover. Relax, I can still control my emotions. Ah forget.

Life with guilt and regret is not over. While renovating the house, my grandmother hired a builder from my family. I hateit. Wh why? because he likes to gossip, old, a lot of nonsense, weak religion and wants to rebuke me. Being paid to work is not to rebuke me. Disturbing once, every time I made a mistake as if he was humbling me. I was getting used to it and I decided in myself not to forgive him, even to the blood.

I still remember my coworker's message there, saying I had to fix my religion. During the break I often chatted with him, of course he was old and already had children. His emotions are very stable, he knows how to talk to others, making him comfortable as a place to vent. My instinct told me that he already knew what I was hiding at the time. He is so busy that he still appreciates others. I appreciate it by following his advice.

Why am I bringing up my bad experience? maybe by bringing it up and telling some people can make me move on. Or by making it up?

Honestly this guilt and regret shackled me. Not just from one experience. Many bad experiences leave a sense of guilt and regret. As a result I became traumatized, making me hesitate to step up.

If it has fallen this way it feels very difficult to move forward, and also more and more I have the desire to increase the difficulty to step on the first step. You know first when I graduated from Elementary School, Junior High I never planned to choose a school that I will continue, meaning I only follow the flow. Eskul also follows friends.

I have no motivators in my life. When problems come I will be sad and continue to grieve, when angry will continue to be angry, if cheerful will continue to be cheerful. Just like the wheel of my life is spinning but I enjoy it.

I don't plan on being like this forever. What is the point of improving yourself if you still have weaknesses. But yahh is troublesome to deal with the problem of our weakness, like fighting not wearing a protector just a capital weapon doang. Fear of scared caves. If it is wrong it will fall again. Floating again. So yes the point is how I think and act in the face of problems. Keep going around and around thinking about finding the best solution.