I'm Not a Substitute

Episode 128's

Alana looks very happy with the existence of Sari. The woman even asked Rayan for permission to sleep together with her mother who of course immediately got a nod as well as a sweet smile from Rayan.

Although in fact Rayan felt tight in her chest seeing Sari's love that was so sincere to Alana but Rayan tried to cover it from Alana. In the middle of the sunyinya night Rayan even cried alone lamenting her fate which from childhood never got affection from Caterine. Rayan keeps a wound that inexplicably arrives as if bleeding back once seeing the harmony of Alana and Sari's relationship.

This morning the dining table looks very royal with a variety of dishes cooked directly by Alana as well as Sari. And again Rayan could only smile. Rayan really felt envious now at Alana.

“I cooked it intentionally in this morning Rayan, just think of this as my happiness day because mom wants to stay here.” Alana said with great enthusiasm.

Rayan laughed when she heard it. Laughter that did not reach his eyes. Laughter that only as a shield to cover his wounds that returned bleeding and sore.

“Everything looks very good.” Reply Rayan.

“Of course. Oh, which one do you want to eat? it's me who makes your favorite, sweet sour shrimp. I also made fish pepes. You should try Rayan. I made it with fresh fish. In the morning Aunt and Fina looked for him. And here, this is my favorite vegetable. Mother made it.”

Alana continued to serve one by one the dishes presented on the dining table told Rayan so clearly all the results of his cooking and Sari.

“Everything, may I try everything?” Lirih Rayan with a trembling voice. Rayan could no longer bear her old wounds. Everything was too painful for Rayan.

Hearing a different and unusual voice her husband Alana stopped talking. Alana turned her head to look at Rayan who was bowing her head. His two big hands on the table clenched so tightly.

“Your server.”

“I want to try everything Alana. I'd like to taste all your cooking as well mom.” Sela Rayan's. It was obvious that the man was holding back his cries.

Alana quiet. I don't know what her husband Alana is feeling. Alana gulped her saliva staring cluelessly at Rayan who just kept bowing her head.

Alana touched the clenched hand of Rayan rubbing it gently as if telling through her soft touch that she was there and would always be beside the man under any circumstances.

No longer able to endure the pain, Rayan rose from her seat and passed with wide steps towards her study. Rayan did not want Sari to see him like a weak man.

Alana who saw him did not stay silent. Alana followed Rayan until she entered her study.

So just the two of them in her study room Rayan looked at Alana with a face reddened and wet by tears. At that time, Alana only realized her husband's eyes were swollen because he cried all night.

“Yes lord..” Lirih Alana was surprised.

Alana stepped over to Rayan who was standing in front of her desk. His priest who always looked handsome and tough is now crying in silence in front of him.

Alana held out her hands touching both cheeks of Rayan who was wet after being right in front of Rayan. Alana did not know what happened so Rayan to cry this morning. Alana also felt that what she said earlier was not wrong.

“What's up?” Ask Alana lirih.

“Tell Rayan.. Say something.” Urged Alana still with her soft voice.

Rayan gulped his saliva making his jakun go up and down.

“Do I not deserve Alana? Am I not worthy of attention?” Rayan asked with his hoarse voice.

Alana shook her head not understanding what her husband was questioning.

“What do you mean? I love you Rayan. I love you.”

Rayan shook her head slowly.

“Mother Sari can love you sincerely. Sari's mother can also love you like she loves her own biological child. But I.”

Pause for a moment. Rayan again gulped her saliva trying to hold back so as not to cry sobbing.

“I never get the affection and love you get from mommy Alana.. Mommy is my biological mommy.. Mommy is a mommy who fought to bet my life gave birth to me in this world.. If mommy didn't expect me first why didn't mommy just kill me while I was still a fetus in her womb. Why did mommy give birth to me if she couldn't love and love me?”

Alana also felt tight in her chest hearing Rayan's heartfelt question. Caterine has gone too far. Caterine never loved Rayan but now Caterine expects the treasure that Rayan has even intended to master it herself. Caterine also intends to destroy the happiness of her two children, Rayan and Sechil.

“Don't talk like that Rayan. You deserve love. And I love you.. Please don't be like this. Stay tough like a beast. You are Rayan's strong man. You can survive even without the affection of mommy.. There's me.. I will always be there for you under any circumstances.” Alana tries to convince Rayan that Rayan is not alone. Rayan will also not lack love and affection as long as Alana is by her side.

“Trust me.. I will always be here for you. Until anytime even until my breath runs out and this body is no longer alive.”

Rayan laughed in her tears. The man then tightly hugged Alana's body. The two hugged very tightly and similarly cried. Crying over the unfortunate fate of Rayan who was only used by Caterine, his own biological mother.

“Listen to me well Rayan. If you need the affection of a mother there I am ready to give it.. If you need a friend to complain, I will always be there to listen. My request is only one, be a strong man who will become an idol for our children later. Show mommy that you can live happily with me.” Bisik Alana again convinced Rayan.

Rayan nodded her head behind Alana's back. Her tightness slowly began to diminish because of what Alana said.

“Fixed by me Alana. Please, never leave me.” Pinta Rayan with both eyes closed.

“Of course. I promise I will always be there beside you, Rayan. I love you, love you so much.”

From the doorway that opened wide Sari watched everything. Sari knows how to travel the life of a Rayanza Gilbert. Lack of affection and love is already from a small Rayan feel. Sari and aunty are witnesses to how miserable Rayan's childhood was.

Sari also shed her tears feeling overwhelmed by what Alana told Rayan. Sari hopes that the two can continue together and complement each other in this world even until the hand of God reunites the two in an eternal life after death.

“Mother knows you can keep that loyalty Alana.”