My Possessive Boyfriend

a real heartbreak

Akmal POV

Did I do anything right by leaving him? Would I never regret actually parting with her?

Would I really be able to live my life without it?

Along the way to the most famous nightclub in Jakarta I kept questioning it. I just need something to release the tightness and pain in my heart.

It never occurred to me, if one day I would return to a place like this. I used to love this place so much, then suddenly I stopped coming when I met her again my first love.

I promised him I would change myself to be worthy of being with him. I'll be a grown man who deserves to be with him.

I began to organize my life, leaving behind friends who still spend time comfortably in the glitter of the night world.

When considering the time far back, it was not easy to get it when we first met. It is not easy to be the man he wants to be.

It's not easy to be good, it's not easy to be mature, and it's not easy to be a decent guy.

I worked so hard to achieve it, I tried so hard for him. I hide many other sides of myself.

I turned myself into a different person. I always prioritized it as my life goal.

I won't be angry even when he pisses me off. I always demean my ego when we argue. I always keep us from fighting about unimportant things.

I always tried to give my whole life for him. Even when he makes a mistake, I will apologize to him first.

That's how I tried so hard. I never wanted to make him have one thing he could complain about. All my ego is no longer important compared to all the happiness I get with it.

Fika was the first woman who made me want to be someone to be proud of. Even just being good doesn't make me satisfied.

People say love is blind. Being with him was the first sentence I could understand. I loved her so much that I was too scared to lose her.

When we were together, I looked after him as if he were something fragile if I didn't take good care of him.

She was the first woman who made me want to spend my whole life with her happily.

She was the reason that made me dare to face the bitter reality about my own family.

She was one of my biggest reasons to get back to meeting the family I had left behind.

To me, she was already like the sun that really made my dark and gray life bright and colorful.

He was like oxygen for me to breathe, he was my whole breath, my life and my world.

And this is when I have to go back to the harsh reality of losing it. I lost my whole world when we said goodbye to each other.

I could only drink as much intoxicating drink as possible. So that I can forget this painful reality.

At first I thought it would make me forget it for a moment. But what happened was the opposite.

The more I felt my heart ache, the more I missed it and it made my heart cramp.

I couldn't find a way to get back to her, I just became increasingly desperate and heartbroken.

I completely finished the drinks until I could no longer drink them and lost my consciousness.

Until the morning I woke up in a foreign place that was nothing but a hotel room.

After that, he took me back to Bandung and went home.

Since I got home, I immediately laid my body beside my mother. I could only put my head on his lap and close my eyes for a few moments.

"Sleep son, leave all the burdens of your mind and just rest" said the mother made both my eyes begin to close.

I cried on her lap without a sound, and Mother did not ask anything. He just let me cry until I was satisfied.

"Mother, have I made the right decision?" I asked who was still leaning on her lap.

"You've done a great thing, son, you can't say it's appropriate. But you feel that letting go of Fika right now is the best way you can do it." she replied as she gently rubbed my hair.

"Don't I look pathetic?" ask again.

"There's nothing so sad about separation, unless we're left behind by someone who's stopped loving us."

"You know, that soul mate was written from before we were born in this world. If indeed, you are indeed destined to be a match, you are sure someday fate itself will lead you to be together." Mother's advice feels a little soothing to my heart and mind.

I could only be silent trying to digest the meaning of what you told me. The only reason I let her go was because I loved her too much.

I couldn't possibly remain selfish holding him by my side while danger would surround him. To be able to protect him I must have the strength to defeat that old man.

For now I just hope that after I let go, he will really live happily. Either he forgets me or he doesn't.

If someday fate doesn't bring us together, I hope he has forgotten me and moved on with the one he loves.

I will only pray for his happiness and kindness for the rest of my life. I didn't expect to love another woman to take her place in my heart.

**

...*I will love you today as I loved you yesterday....

...I will miss you today as I missed you yesterday....

...I'll remember you all my life, until I can't remember myself....

...When I see a clear blue sky,...

...I'll miss you....

...When I feel the wind blowing, I will miss you....

...When I see rain falling on the earth, I will miss you....

...The universe will make me remember and miss you....

...The universe will work to bring us back one day....

...Or at least, give me a chance to see your happiness....

...I'll wait until the universe kindly gives you, for me....

...The most painful part of my life has just begun, where I am without you by my side....

...Without me being able to see you even from afar*....