God's Choice of Mate

Missing mother

For the dear ones.....

Where the presence cools the mind and body.His touch bandages the wound in fatigue treads life.

I long for your soul in every breath of mine.When the sun shines and sinks sweeps the days into months and years but my soul always remembers you.

    Don't ask me what I would be without you.Being alone in the rigors of this alien world. Tired and sorrow approached, but my foundation you had wrought before you left.

     My tears continue to flow.Pilu in the memory of your affection.

My misses are not restrained but I understand we cannot meet.

In do'a I slip every verse a line of love will miss me to you.

Where is the Creator who links this heart to you.

   For a body I can't touch....

Paras I can't see...

A voice I can't hear....

And the soul that has gone away from me...

I whispered my chant of pain.

In the whip of a frozen night blanket and the singing of a bamboo tree in silence.

    God, give me my miss and tell me I'm okay.

Although this body is not as fresh as it used to be.

But my soul remains steel.

Keep fighting despite being estranged on his own land.

Keep fighting even on your own.....

Tiredlessly...

Without fear....

Without despair...

Because I know this journey is still long.

Where my role still begins.

My goal is still vague.

Letting go of you is not easy, for you are a beloved creature in this heart.

But death separates us.

Forcing myself to accept this difficult situation.

Now I'm at the top missing you mother......

Only do'a antidote misses my inner self to you.

The roar shouted a heart song.

Lirih in silent oral speech

Sending my prayers to you.

May you be a gravedigger, who has his grave laid and has the help of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta' ala.

Hiksc.....

Hixss.......

Tesss.....

My tears are flowing.

"Sincere misses... longs for you mother.", I said softly within the quivering lips to hold the sobs.

I tried to calm myself down slowly by occasionally sighing deeply so that my chest did not feel tight.

Hufhhhhh.....

Aghhhhh......

Hufhhhhh....

Arghhhh........

I closed my eyes for a moment to bring down the rhythm of my crying.

I took a tissue next to my prayer mat.

I slowly wiped my tears that soaked my face.

Srotttt....

I took out my snot too so that my tightness was reduced.

Sretti..srettt.....

Hufhhhh.....

I did it over and over until my chest felt a little airy and started to calm down.

"Astaghfirullahal'adzim Alladzi La Ilaha Illa Huwal Hayyul Qoyyumu wa Atubu Ilaihi. It means: “I beg forgiveness to Allah, Godless except only He, the Most Eternal and Most Alone, and I repent to Him.”

I tried to calm myself.

After feeling quite calm.I prepared myself to send a do'a to the late mother.

Huffmhhhh.....

"Bismil was bornrahmanirrahim which means..," I said.

"By the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Merciful".

Then I continued my speech.

“Specuson ila ruhi ummii (Puspitasari Dance) binti (Suparjo). Allahumaghfirlaha warhamha wa afiha wa’fu anhaa, lahumul fatihah.”

Meaning: “Special for his soul he (Tari puspitasari) his daughter (Suparjo). O Allah forgive him, have mercy on him, save him, and forgive him, for him Al-Fatihah.”

My eyes closed solemnly and solemnly as I stretched out my hands asking Allah's pleasure to the mother's house.

My voice echoed quietly and quietly.

"Bismillah-rahmanir-rahimm, al-hamdu lillahi rabbil-'alamin ar-rahmanir-rahim maliki yaumid-din iyaka na'budu wa iyyaka nasta'in ihdinas-siratal-mustaqim siratallazina anamta 'alaihim gairil-magdubi 'alaihim wa lad-dallin."

Meaning: “By mentioning the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Who rules on the Day of Retaliation. It is You that we worship, and it is You that we ask for help. Show us the straight path: (i.e.) The path of those whom You have favoured; not (the way) of those who are disgraced and not (the way) of those who are lost.”

"Aamiin ya rabbal alamin (give me god, grant me."

I rubbed the palms in my face with great hope that God would grant the do'a I sent to my late mother.

The tears of longing are huge.

I have indeed let go of my late mother.

But I am also an ordinary human being who is prone to the error and inattention of the soul.

Instantly the body drooped weakly helpless.

Remembering someone very special means going missing in eternity.

There is no longer a place to complain about all the pain of the bitterness of life.

Pilu heartbroken in the nelangsa.

Screaming sukma rangs.

I want to be strong but my eyes still cry.

O Allah, this is not a sign of my weakness or my lack of sincerity in your destiny.

My soul just wants to thrash out the piles of longing that ambush the heart.

Hikkss.....

Hixss...

Hnggg...

I was still sobbing in the tears that were spilling.

Shabby..wet...

"Yes...."

"Yes...."

"Rba.ni..Rani's....Rani...indu bun..da...very....very...rin....du ...bun,"very sob.

I bent my knees deliberately so that both my hands could hug my body.

I put my head over my knees like a leaning pedestal.

I'm drowning out all the sadness.

Hiksc.....

Hiksss..

Hiksss.....

Cold ambushed through my white face.

The wind is getting stronger and stronger.

The silence was gone swallowed by the roar of thunder rumbling sounds in the sky.

The Duarrr......Duarrr....The Duarrr.....

The thundering vibrates the sense of hearing.

Gripping atmosphere stabbing body.

Lightning struck hard with flashes.

The rapid expansion of the air divides the air in a cold cage that makes the feathers goosebumps.

The wind was getting more and more turbulent in the trapped airflow.

Cold.

Bresss.....

Bresss....

Bresss......

The rain fell down on the earth with a lot of rain.

The rhythm of the fall as if unbroken evaporates a shock wave of sadness.

Nature seemed to depict my heart languishing in longing.

The explosion of a rumbling sound equalled a screaming heart going roar.

Let me for a moment really drift away immersed in the tumultuous contraction of the heart of disconnection.

Not being weak...

Or create new branches of sadness.

No, God, my perspective is in my heart.

I still wake up in the nostalgia.

But my soul wants to reflect the different side of adversity that I will get rid of.

I hang low before you, Lord.

When life activities must be rolling.

I want to give my soul a pause for a moment.

Reorganizing the destroyed.

To make it strong when I have to be alone.

Sunny this heart....

Hufhhhh.....

"I have to be strong" I said, trying to dictate to myself.

For a moment I remembered my conversation with the late house.

"Ran, why do you see Rani as sad?," asked the mother to investigate.

"Hmmm..,"wanted to try to cover up.

"If we are sad, we have to get closer to Allah, son.Moreover in the multiplication of the istighfar and read the Qur'an, especially the letter of Joseph son.In shay Allah the heart is calm, son," explained my mother.

I nodded to understand the words of the mother.Then asked back to the mother.

"Why did Joseph's letter get rid of my grief?" I asked.

"Because Allah sent down this letter to the prophet Muhammad shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam in the year of grief when he was left by his wife and uncle who were two supporting figures of his preaching.

Prophet Shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam read this letter and felt calm from the problems and sadness he experienced," replied the mother.

"“Subhaanallah(God's Holy Maha)."

" Rani just found out about this bun," I explained.

"Yes son, mother also heard when following the study that in the letter of Joseph contains many problems faced by the prophet Joseph, there is also a solution to success when the letter we read,"answer mother seriously.

"Then what are the problems in Joseph's letter?, "you are curious.

"There are problems or problems of politics, economics, education, women, feelings, about injustice, betrayal, sadness, family, the fruit of patience and faith and others so that you see when you hear the study son,"said mother with sumringah while gently rubbing my head.

Then the mother continued her remark again, "So whatever calamity you feel then all the problems have been discussed and summarized in the letter of Joseph."

I hugged my mother and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, bun" I said softly.

Mother smiled warmly returning a smile and hugging me.

Stttt......

Memories of memories with a beautiful mother.

I'm sober from my past memories.

Later then.....

I will take the Quran and read it.

Respond to calmness and comfort yourself in times of sadness.

"Audzubillahiminashyitonirrojim."

" I take refuge in God from the temptation of the damned devil."

"Bismilahbornrahmanirrahim ."

"By the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Merciful."

I took a slow breath and began to read solemnly.

"Qala innama asyku bassi wa huzni ilahi wa aliamu minallahi ma la lama lamun."

"What it means."

"He (Ya Qub) replied, “Only to Allah do I complain of my distress and sorrow. I know from God what you do not know."

Then I read the next verse.

"Ya baniyyazhabu fa tahassasu miy yusufa wa akihi wa la tai'asu mir rauhillah, innahu la yai'asu mir rahillahi illal-qaumul-kafirun".

"What it means."

"O my children, go and seek the news of Joseph and his brother. Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Verily, no one should despair of the mercy of Allah except the disbelievers

"The Qur'an of Joseph Verses 86 and 87."

"Shadaqallahul adzim means."

“Then Allah is the Most High

"Thank God be praised to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala (Holy and Most High" I said thankfully.

My heart felt a calmness from the troubles and sadness I was experiencing.

I enjoyed reading so much that it slowly eroded my heart.