Hold on or let go!

The Eps 201

I got used to waking up in the last third of the night out of my bed. Anika was still asleep on her pillow.

Slowly, I headed to the bathroom to just clean myself up. Not for night prayers.

I grabbed my phone. There was a chat coming in from Febri, just a pleasant talk asking if I had slept or not. I just read, he's back on me.

[Out of tahajud nduk?]

[Ngga. Still holiday]

[Continue doing it now?]

[Snorts]

[Oh, yes]

Just a chat like that I felt noticed. That I'm a baper???

I breathe slowly. Closing my eyes while breathing in the air before a very cold dawn. But in my chest there was a freshness that I could not get any other time.

After enjoying the fresh air, I stuck out my legs to stretch my muscles. The morning atmosphere was very quiet. No citizen activity was heard. Far from the neighbors? Actually not very. But it is behind the house in pairs of a fence that is quite high. It was because my father wanted it. He said he wanted to have privacy because living in the village is not like in the city.

If in the city many are too individualism, in the village most like 'coke' with the personal affairs of others. But it seems like it doesn't happen anymore.

Whether anywhere is 'ghibah' it still exists. For example, online ghibah ala lambe-lambean nyinyir who likes to take care of the lives of artists. Not even just artists, the certificate ambassador who failed to marry is now trending 🤔🙈

Either 🙄 is actually not a business, but unfortunately his milling on the sosmed homepage.

Lha, care so much huh???

I went back to scrolling the status of the friends I had in my contacts.

There's still Alby's contact on my phone. But .i've been blocking it since the first hearing. As someone led me to unblock it, my finger touched the feature.

The latest status notification that Alby posted made me feel....

WhatsApp Status Alby

If a second chance does exist, is it true that the opportunity is only presented to the right person?

The background of the quote was the night sky above the hospital building. How know?

I don't know why I still feel heartache! Wasn't I the one who asked to separate from her? Wasn't I the one who gave up on staying by his side?

What's he doing now? Who is his partner now? Why do I suddenly care about him? nay! Not suddenly!

I saw him online five minutes ago. I don't know why I'd want to call Alby right now?

Conscious Bia! Conscious! I tried to convince myself that what I was going to do was not right. Just this afternoon I received Febri's proposal! Now I want to call my ex-husband????

What evil side of me is cheering? Shouldn't I be happy, the girl who has seized my happiness is facing her karma???

But, my instincts as a Muslimah, even though I am not a Sholehah woman at least I know it is wrong.

If I reply by praying a bad thing to Silvy, how different am I from him?

In the midst of my confusion, my phone is ringing. From Alby!

Once, twice, I made my phone ring. And yes, finally my hand was stretched out to lift the call from him.

I raised the call. But there was no greeting between us. Silent! Maybe awkward! For a few seconds, there was only a sigh from each of us.

Until finally, I opened my voice..

[Assalamualaik....A]

Still quiet! Until I heard a slow snuff from her down there!

My alby's crying? Is it that sad that he faces the reality of his comatose wife? Without being in command, my tears also melted.

Why are my tears melting? Sad to hear Alby crying? Alby crying over Silvy? Or sad if it turns out I have not been able to sincerely release it?

[A...?]

I tried to get him to talk. I don't know why I feel like Alby needs a place to share his grief.

[Neng, Aa has lost everything]

Alby's voice across there sounded very sad.

[Gga A, Aa can still fight. God willing Silvy will be healed! He'll take care of your son together later]

A hypocrite! You are a hypocrite Bia! I wiped my tears.

[Possible silvy to return, very small Neng]

[Aa is that sad?]

Why am I even asking like that? Stupid Bia!

Alby took his seat.

[Lady bells?]

I shook my head slowly. But I know he didn't see it.

[Ngga A]

[He can't be a good husband for you! Perhaps this is also the punishment God loves because Aa ignored you and Silvy at once]

[Stop A, don't blame yourself like that. Rest assured A, we will be fine in the future. Silvy's gonna wake up, he's gonna wake up knowing you care about him, too. Not to me anymore A]

How is this melow Bia??? This is not real.

[You've accepted Febri?]

The deg! Where does he know?

[That means, Aa has no chance with you anymore?]

[A.].

[So right, right? Aa has lost!]

My tears escaped. Why the hell is a crybaby???!!!

[We will be happy with a different path A. We can still relate well].

[Neng already has no taste for Aa?]

I wiped away the trail of my tears. Still want to answer, but....

[It's easy to forget our love A. But now things have changed.]

[Neng is in love with Febri?]

[A.].

[Neng loves Febri, again?]

I looked up at the sky that was starting to blush.

[Maybe!]

That's all I can say right now to Alby. If I say 'no' , somehow I feel evil as if I gave hope to him even though he himself was struggling to 'care' for his wife.

But if I say 'yes' too....

Why am I complicating my own life anyway?????

Alby sighed softly. Disappointed with my ambiguous answer? Silent for a few seconds. There was only the sound of crickets in the bushes behind my house.

[Nabil, my son's name is Nabil]

I closed my eyes. Alby has another daughter! Spontaneously I rubbed my queen's stomach.

If my son could have been saved by then, he might have been born.

[Name is good]

I'm trying to neutralize feelings I can't explain.

[It's dawn A. I hung up on him, didn't I?]

[Yes. Thank you for wanting to be Aa's interlocutor]

[Hurin]

[Assalamualaikum, yam]

[Guardiansalam]

The call ended. I put my phone back on the table. A cup of tea began to cool. Just like the relationship between me and Alby, that's exactly what it says.

The drink was once hot, but cooled because it was neglected. Similarly, the story of me and Alby, was once at the peak of our happiness but over time the relationship ran aground in the end.

I got up to the kitchen. Prepare food for our breakfast. It's bad, there's guests but I'm jamu.

I started to reel the fridge. There are not many groceries that I keep because I do eat more often at the house lek Sarman or stall.

Azan at dawn, I'm still frying the chicken that's been in the open. And Anika was already at the dining table.

"Mom!"

"Hey? Kirain isn't awake? Wake up!", I said, looking over. Anika got up from her seat and stood next to me who was in front of the stove.

"Udah lah mba, it's usual to wake up at dawn also walopun not praying."

I nodded in understanding.

"Where to go mba? Ngajak mas Sakti same brother Bina ngga?", asked Anika.

"As far as you deck. But if you want to go to a water tour that makes your eyes fresh, there is a waterfall. We walk but if we are afraid tired, we can ride the bike as well.

"Emang not far?"

"Lumayan lah, the border of my village is the same as Febri mas village. There are many good spots on the deck. There's a flower garden at the foot of the mountain there. Yes..the main tourist attractions that hits and Instagramable deh!"

Anika nodded slowly.

"Would you make tea or milk maybe deck?"

"No need to mba, just water anget aja!"

Anika distilled water from the thermos plus cold water from the teapot.

Almost seven o'clock, Anika and I were tidy. Anika with her jeans covered by a tunic below the knee. While I am still learning to use the syar'i game also established myself in front of the mirror.

"Mba likes to study, right? It was busy with the group."

Anika nodded her head.

"Are you ready?", I asked. Anika assented while holding her small bag.

"Mas Sakti is just as bina not so invited?"

"Agga ah, once again they make a nephew for us hehehe."

I squeezed Anika's little nose.

"Little kids don't have to talk about being rich!"

"But I can also make dedek, unfortunately, brother Dim does not want!"

I scrunched my eyebrows.

"Well, did Dimas not want to? He wants to mah. It's probably because you're still in college, so wait for you to graduate."

"Kok y'all on that thought anyway? Marriage can also be in college. Silvy's an example!"

Suddenly Anika changed her expression.

"Sorry mba!", said anika regretfully.

"No Deck, no more discussion."

Anika sank spoiled my arm. I was shorter than Anika.

In the yard, it turns out Dimas just got off the Febri bike.

"Where are you going?" asked Dimas.

"Walk to the waterfall Kak!", replied Anika who collapsed moved to Dimas' arm. It's just a little wonder I can do.

Really stuck to Dimas, huh???

"I can come with Bi?", asked Dimas to me.

"Yes, you can go for a walk!", I replied.

"What do you want to walk on a motorcycle?", asked Dimas.

"Jalan aja Kak, while enjoying the view hehehh!"

"Not really Bi?"

"Lumayan lah mas, border village here same village mas Febri." Dimas nodded slowly. He had gotten used to the long way off, but what about Anika? The spoiled boy if the soy sauce becomes more effective.

Dimas glanced at his lover who was also looking at him.

"Why are you so rich?", asked Anika to Dimas.

"That's nothing!", replied Dimas. The three of us walked away from my house. Sometimes I talk to my neighbors. So did Anika and Dimas who were basically friendly.

"Mas Dimas has breakfast? If not, there is a serabi salesman!", I said to appoint a serabi trader who lined a small furnace in front of him.

"Udah, it was at Febri's house. Febri went to sleep, I just invited him he said, after all."

Huh huh? The nyulus?

"Let's go, let him rest."

"Yes, tonight he also has to go back to the border. It's a regular, state duty!"

Anika still faithfully clings to Dimas' body possessively. Maybe they really feel homesick.

"Mba Bia is ready later after marriage will often stay with Febri?", asked Anika. I can only smile.

"Not yet to think that way Dek!"

"Well me anyway, he wants me to marry later I go with Brother Dim wherever he is on duty."

Dimas put his head back.

"Even to the rich border of Febri!" said Anika again as she looked up at her lover. The girl's face was right next to Dimas's neck.

"That's not so easy, baby!" said Dimas, squeezing his girlfriend's nose.

"And I want the same you keep brother, isn't that Bia's mom? He said wherever the husband is, the wife goes!"

"But if the border is dangerous deck" said Dimas rubbed his lover's head.

"It's just the rich service brother right now, you bus come."

Anika nodded in understanding.

I chose to walk ahead of them. Hearing the chat throughout the lover who was on the verge of longing. I was once in a position like them, with the person who is now filling my life again, Febri!

LDRs rarely even communicate let alone meet, it is not new. But...If we really get married later, can I be long distance like that?

What if there Febri.aah. Alby who was within my reach could be taken easily just as the actor, what about Febri who would be long distance.

Unbeknownst to me, I walked away from the couple until there was a pat on my left shoulder.

I'm turning. Surprised, I was torn.

"Astaghfirullahaladzim!", I said. Febri was already behind me. I also dyed looking for the whereabouts of Dimas and Anika.

"It's normal to be surprised!"

"Well, no surprise, you're suddenly in the back."

"Hehe sorry! Walk the road while daydreaming. Think what?"

"Who is daydreaming? No!"

"You don't daydream, you don't need to confuse Dimas nyariin with Anika."

"Huh? Yeah, where are they?", I asked.

"For a place to let go of longing!" said Febri. I glared sharply.

''Don't spruce Anika yes! He's still innocent! Where's Mas Dimas?"

"Hehehe Dimas doesn't take my rich to you Nduk times!" said Febri. My face was flushed for him. Shame, considering how dilapidated I was when we were young when we were dating. Maybe now what's happening to me is karma for what I've done in the past.

"Neither do not indulge in sins. There is nothing to be proud of for our sins!"

"Hum! Sorry about Nduk!", said Febri. I continued my steps towards the entrance of the waterfall counter.

"Anika wants to follow nduk, don't worry."

I nodded slowly too.

After walking quite well, I was finally able to sit on the edge of the rocky times directly facing the waterfall.

Febri sat a little far away from me, perhaps pausing a few miles a sizeable number of times.

Silence, no chat. Only the sound of the waterfall accompanied. It is still quite early in the morning, there are no visitors who come to this tourist site.

"Snake!"

"Hum?"

"Thank you!"

"Make?"

"You'll take me again." I bowed, playing the ring on my ring finger.

"Mas knows, you still need time to be able to adapt again to return to a new relationship. Not really new, but yes.kamu know it nduk."

I'm still down. Don't know what to say.

"You still haven't forgotten Alby, have you?"

This time I turned my head to him. He was looking at me with a face I couldn't understand.

"Not to be answered. You know what!"

"Love me time!"

"Yes, of course! I won't force you for now. But hopefully, the opportunity will come, make it!"

I let out a breath. Febri was too good to me. In the past, I left it too. I still play the ring. I remember my wedding ring with Alby that I put on our nightstand. Did Alby take it? Did he keep her? Or maybe he doesn't even know if there's a ring there. Alby's been preoccupied with his new job.

"Mother?"

"Hum?"

"Nega be."

"Why?"

"Neverything!"

We fell silent again, but Anika and Dimas came to us. The atmosphere is warm again. It was like we were doing a Doble date like this.

.

.

.

Alby is in the hospital to accompany his wife and daughter. Silvy was still lying weakly on top of the gurney with his tool. Nabil is still in the incubator.

Whose heart does not see such a sight.

Alby chose to sit in the ICU waiting room. He wears clothes to visit patients.

From behind the glass, Alby was only able to look at the mother of the child. No more jutek, arrogant and all that sucks on Silvy's face. Yeah, just the pale face that Silvy showed.

Alby sat down and read Yasin's letter. Hope the kingdom comes. That Silvy will come back to his senses! And he will continue his life.

On the other hand....

"Master, but sir hasn't recovered too much. Do not travel first. Moreover, non Silvy is in this condition!", Sapto forbid Hartama who he said would go to east Java to meet Bia directly.

"I can To. Take it easy!", said Hartama insistent.

"Well, how about Bu Titin? Ms. Titin must be busy taking care of Nabil. So, you better not go anywhere first!"

"To...my time is not much! Please don't block me!", snapped Hartama. Sapto doesn't know what to do. What is clear is that Mr. Hartama can no longer be persuaded.

*********

Thanks 🙏 sorry many typo 🙏🙏️🙏