I Choose You!
#41 Cheers of Self Strengthening
My eyes. I had no intention of moving but to lean on something beside me. In fact, I'd rather just drift off in a dream forever.
But the warm touch wanted something else. He patted my cheek, forbidding dreams to refer in.
“Hmm!” I don't like it. Go awayl.
“Do not sleep here.”
Enforcing my body. Ignoring the hair that covered part of my face, I was busy rubbing my eyes.
The hand of the owner of the shoulder I borrowed was combing my hair back with his finger, “Ke room there.”
I shakes not want to.
I think the length of time passed the incident dies natalis is still less long to remove the shaking. The blinding of the day did not make me move to find out.
Just leave it safe like this.
He's speechless. Staring at me on his bent knee on the living room floor.
Silent face was plastered real, “If sleepy do not be forced.”
“Rasyi is not sleepy..,” I shook my head, opening my eyes wider.
He started patting my head back, “Rasyi scared what?”
I don't know. For sure I can't calm down a little if I don't know where Fares is, just for a second. I must still be traumatized about what happened two years ago.
“Kak Achi!!”
Daffa with his short legs ran irregularly towards me. What does this little boy want when I'm in the fog?
He held my feet still sitting limp on the long sofa, “Kak Achi acain this!”
This forehead is shrinking. He brought a book? “Nanti.”
“Gutpa!”
Why is this kid so stubborn? “Request another.”
“Wa! Kak Achi acain uku chekalang!!”
It's noisy!
Good thing Ira showed herself, “Daffa, same mom here yuk.”
“Cama brother Achi!”
“What if Brother Fares?” Fares wants to help.
“Idak!!” this kid pulled my leg firmly, “Kak Achi! Acca!”
“Whispering!!”
Eh?
“Haaaaa!!” the cry was not good even though his mother had hugged him tightly.
The house people who seemed to have seen the incident, gathered and huddled Daffa. Occasionally with unpleasant glances at me. A gaze toward a perpetrator that pushes a small child to the point of falling on his head.
“Haaa! Brother Achi friday!”
What are you doing anyway, Rasyi?!!
Immediately I took a thousand steps towards the room like a coward. Fear of their illegible response.
“Fuh!!” not sorry, I am still upset.
It can't be like this! I need to calm myself down. If not, any problems including about papa will not be resolved.
I dropped my body at the end of the bed. Holding his forehead trying to calm down.
Cool your head, Rasyi! Breathes. Eliminate burdensome rounds. This unexplained pain. Whatever it is, stop it! Stop shaking!
Stopit!
“Honey!”
Eh?
“Try see his hand,” Sari? He's been sitting next to me, “Till it's red like this..”.
Could I have clenched my hand too hard?
There is-there is this self. What is that pain for? It did not produce anything to tremble all over my body.
“Honey, listen,” he pressed my face closer to him, “Nobody blamed Rasyi. There must be something to fear. But there is more important than that.”
I know it! Hence, I tried to swallow it and thought straight. Fear will only bother me to find a way to be safe.
Hm? Why did Sari pull both ends of my lips?
“Smile~”
A smile?
“Tante has said, Rasyi should be happy so that papa Rasyi is not worried.”
Heh? What the fuck?
That's just the excuse you gave me when I was a baby. When I don't know the real danger that could take a life at any time.
And she hoped that I would calm down like a baby over this uncertainty?!
I kept both hands of Sari, “Do she worry to me if the one in the problem is her?”
Isn't it natural that her son would secure the situation? Regardless of my status as a child, I can't possibly be at peace with the danger that binds me. Which has been in life since the first Rasyiqa opened his eyes.
If I'm off guard... It's gonna happen again.
“Rasyi. Auntie said, it does not mean that Rasyi should not be afraid,” this woman immediately hugged me, “Rasyi will know, Rizki is very sorry with Rasyi. How Rizki can be calm if Rasyi is also not calm.”
I-i know.
Shelter on the same roof for sixteen years. Getting to know him even with my eight-month-old physical body. This self is aware of it more than anyone.
My arm returned his embrace despite still shaking violently, “I have to wait until when.?” the crying is flowing again.
Typical slow pats on my back, soothing slowly, “We never get the same thought Rizki. But he knows what he has to do. Long meal also includes plan.”
Well, no one knows what's planned in that watered-down brain. That's how it was before.
Not that with him I can calm down, “Can't... Rasyi scared..”.
“Tante has always been so too, like Uncle Hendra working away. He's going straight after the villain.”
I pushed his embrace and looked at the woman with the figure of a great husband in the eyes of the community. The shadow of that face was caught in my eyes.
“But aunt should support. Aunt wait so she doesn't get confused. He must have come home. Waiting or not. Rizki is also so.”
Yet... Yet....
“Because of Rizki I~ng once Rasyi.”
That's howling. Until the heat was evident in both of my wet eyeballs. Until his embrace was very comfortable.
I fear. I knew I had to wait for him just as he always expected.
L'm... Too scared to be quiet....
He said again, “Where if Rasyi is back in school again tomorrow?”
Hm?
“Sayang loh his language month event. Fares was just a scene. Busy take care of this, it.”
Because he was the chairman of OSIS at the time.
But I'm not like Fares, who even a severe stitch wound is considered nothing. My fear was so strange that I could not afford to go to school. Should I homeschool* again like my day before?
“Kan uncle Hendra's office just across,” Sari still persuaded me.
This woman and her husband, like my second family. Caring for me from childhood to forgetting that I was this big. The way they give their affection.
Maybe he wanted me to calm down with pleasure.
I always make them worry. This time I had to seriously lower my tense shoulders.
“Iya.”
Hm? My phone's making noises?
“Yes already, just rest first ya~” he gently stroked my left cheek.
Nodding me led him up from his seat. He left the room quiet after he passed the closed door.
Of course with noisy notifications. Check, my hand opens the message group room.
[Rasyi~ GWS yes~]
Hm?
[I'm not happy to see Rasyi's face at school.]
[Huh! No need to be heard, Ras! Chronic singles are that!]
[We're using the basecamp but there's no one.]
[Tomorrow Agina read the poem.]
[Yes, support me dong!]
[Spirit]
[There was no Aaron, so limp.]
[When is the pain, Ras~?]
[Until healed]
[Yes also yak]
[Except heartache]
[Eaaa~]
[Buck! Your snack at home was finished with Qun!]
[YOU KILLED IT]
[Falm.]
[Sir Windu otw guys!]
I'm mute. All they know is that I'm sick, but I feel like they're trying to burn my spirit like they know I'm emotionally entangled.
Chatting again? Privates? Firna.
[Ras, if you have something to fear, I will go anywhere. You should accompany me around! We also have a bando couple. Unfortunately if not used~]
Fuuuh.
My smile is on those who are there to care about me. Maybe I can make them not worry.
I'm writing an answer for Firna.
Tomorrow I go in again. I promised to be my tour guide all day~
Firna answered straight away?
[Don't run ya~]
A little laugh with me. We continued to reply to each other even though I was sure the teacher had already entered the classroom there.
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*) Homeschooling is a teaching and learning method that is done at home. It could be from parents themselves or bring in teachers.
