I Choose You!
#39 Insoluble Carousel
The new-looking old sling bag I filled was filled with books and other tools. Fragrance that is still thick to hold it in the new morning. A warm-looking day with the sun running in between the windows of the room.
Why do I have to smile?
Who else if not the troublesome father? From the beginning he brought reinforcements.
It had been too long until I had slowly forgotten it.
(“Wait! Let me help you treat your wounds a little.”)
(“No. Please go.”)
(“I won't leave before treating you.”)
His lips and his conscience. Meeting a stranger in the middle of the night after work, just because the black-eyed man was hurt.
(“Me.”)
(“Just turn off there.”)
And that night I was screaming...,
(“Awas!”)
The thing I knew, a second later, I got shot.
(“Bos, we misfired people.”)
(“I also know, stupid.”)
(“It's right? You can go now.”)
(“Enak really go!”)
(“Need to be beaten again him, boss!”)
(“Iya boss. Let him recede!”)
(“Wait..., brash, Ivory!”)
(“Bos. I think someone's in there.”)
(“Shut up! I know!”)
Just the poor one. He only wants to be good with people who are considered to need help. But it's too good an attitude that lifts him into people's problems.
But dying helps people like that...?
(“I'm sorry.”)
The group of people left realizing they were lured into this man's trap. A line of three-story shops familiar with middle-to-lower entrepreneurs along with security efforts on their CCTV cameras.
In between my breaths, I could feel the man trembling.
(“Just a minute. Hold it for a minute.”)
Guilt does not make me angry.
(“I'm sorry.”)
I remember I stabbed her cheek...,
(“Iya... I'm sorry...”).
When I became Sekar, there was certainly nothing I regretted. But being a Rasyiqa. When I hear them say that,
(“Rizki's mother and sisters are dead. Rizki must be afraid that Rasyi is too..”).
From the beginning, since the age of the eighth month Rasyi, I have been threatened.
Look at that album.
Meet with the tomb.
I knew I was born into a family that killed myself. That man turned out to be my papa, Rizki. And the gun was in my grandfather's hand.
Rizki, Ivory, papa, whoever he calls himself. This guy is a catastrophe. I can't forgive openly. My closeness to him is just about protecting myself from threats.
Then why? Every time I remember her missing figure, without any news, why are my eyes so wet now?
I let out a breath.
Relax, Rasyi. This is not the first time he has disappeared. My brain needs to be cool and fresh to function.
Before that, I have to make sure no one is bothered by my anxiety. Last time I lost consciousness and people never left me alone. Under these circumstances, I would get nothing but the fact that papa is still missing.
I took the sling bag and came out of the guest room. I have to show Hendra's family that I'm okay.
“Rasyi want to go straight away,” I approach the full dining table.
“Sama uncle, come on,” Hendra closed the folds of newspapers that he still likes to read.
“There....,” I hesitate to ask, “There's news about papa?”
This always full dining room sounded silent. Awkwardly etched deep in the look of their faces.
“Your father must be okay. He will appear by himself. No guilt at all.”
That means they can't do anything, or Hendra won't tell me anything. It's not a matter of meddling or anything. This matter has drawn me in and I deserve to know.
“Rasyi...” Sari's hand is soft on my face.
Oh, I had a blackout for a while. I played back the curvature of my lips.
“Iya. Come uncle, leave.”
“Rasyi,” brother Fares held my hand for a moment before moving away from his seat, “Nih.”
Hm? Chocolate bars?
I saw his usual smile, “Don't forget to eat ya?”
Very clear their fear of falling on me because of this fact. I have to show you that I'm okay.
Show it even harder!
“If brown, directly run out dong~”
Papa is fine. Rizki won't come home with any injuries.
So stop shaking!!
Let's go to school like a kid whose parents are fine at home.
This time the room, the room and all sorts of papa's belong nothing suspicious.
Don't you ever think this is happening? Isn't that worse?
“Eh, Race!”
Hm? Sa, Saga? “Why?”
Saga, Vian and Firna. We've gathered with the garden tables that are round.
Hm? When am I in this place?
No. gabe. It was a few hours ago that I was here. Even I've been following most of today's lessons. I must have lost my way around and dissolved in thought again.
“We go to his dies natalis kak Fares yuk.”
Heh?
“Kak Firna tagged?” Saga looks excited.
Firna thought for a moment, “I pass, can't night-night.”
“For example..,” Saga narrowed her eyes.
“Where is Rasyi? Want to come?” Vian looked back at me.
Dies natalis, huh? “Bby anyway...”.
Why am I even thinking about having fun? I have to think about a lot of things.
Also true. Tragedy first, Brother Fares knew something that even Hendra and I were not told by papa. Could it be that Fares also knew the circumstances this time around? It would be better for me to dig more.
But it must have been hard, where Fares would have worried about me again if I had started asking.
“Rasyi.”
I opened my eyes wider, “Hmm?”
“Dream again, daydream again..”.
Eh? What's with this class? Everyone looked silent and turned their eyes towards me.
More so, am I in class now? Why do I feel like I jumped again? Is that how often I daydream?
“You heard no?”
Hm?
“Focus, focus.”
What's with them anyway? “What the hell?”
“From yesterday did not hear?”
“Can not your house be basecamp again for language month?”
Oh, did they start a discussion about it?
The event this time was indeed not right with just a simple attribute. The most proud of each year is the inter-class 3D mading competition. Of course it will not be easy and need energy even though it is still two weeks before the event.
And they've been busy even though it hasn't been late afternoon at school?
“When?” I answered as soon as possible.
“If you can do it right now. But yeah from tomorrow anyway not papa.”
My brain seems to spin slowly, “There is no teacher?”
Those faces, why did the class seem so strange?
“Rasyi,” Firna holds my shoulder, “Mau to UKS first?”
Eh? “Aaan anyway?” they really confused me.
“It's home time kali~”
“Case is sick or why? It continues from yesterday yesterday.”
Su, really?
My head must have been too full of speculation about papa and all sorts of things. Just a second actually managed to make the heat of every cell of my head.
“So...?”
Oh, true. About my house, “Then I ask my papa first...”.
Heh? Why did I even say that?
“Rasyi..?” Firna looked panicked.
“Antar aja Rasyi to UKS.”
“Yuk.”
I shook my head, “No. I have no pain.”
Why are they panicking?
Eh? I think my eyes are blurred. My consciousness still exists. Why are my eyes not clearly looking? Wait for.... Could I be crying?
“Rasy, why?” Firna stroked my back.
I don't know. The rush of wetness in my eyes was like walking alone without my control.
Almost the whole class came to me,“What's it afraid of?”
“Do not know...”.
Hmm, scared? Don't tell me, I'm still scared.
Nope. I never dared to respond to this incident. My whole self is always scared.
It's getting louder as I cover part of my face, “Hik, hik..”.
Papa's... Where are you?
Pl-please....
Go home....
