Linger

Not the Cakraditya Family

"I'm home, huh?" Gavin paused after his hand with Kalea slipped off.

Late at night, the wind blew louder making strands of Kalea hair that separated from the bonds fly to cover the face of her father. Gavin's hand stretched out, tucking the strands of hair behind his ear only to make a red tinge appear again on the cheeks of Kalea. Gavin doesn't know what happened to him, but every time he slips a strand of the girl's hair behind his ear, Gavin always feels his chest warm up. Especially when watching how the bead boba was running to and fro to avoid eye contact with him, Gavin felt that everything strange that happened in his life was slowly pulled over and momentarily forgotten. In reality, the weird is coming back, on a larger scale and destroying more brutally.

"Until my phone house." Said Kalea, his head slightly lowered, looking at his small legs which were only made up of flip flops.

Gavin lowered his gaze. Again amazed by how Kalea still survive with its flagship style in the midst of the onslaught of ootd trends among young people today. On several occasions, Gavin felt Kalea was simple, and that simplicity was what he had been looking for all along. Simplicity that he could never fumble because his life is too complicated to explain.

"Yes, I'll call you later." The second when he said that while raising his head again, their gazes met. Boba's eyes still look cute, but at least, a thin smile on the face ayu Kalea a little make Gavin can breathe a sigh of relief.

"Jude, go home." Kalea. His hand moved slowly showing the gesture of expelling although accompanied by a crunchy sounding stiffness in Gavin's ear.

"Wait a minute" said Gavin.

Kalea's eyebrows intertwined as Gavin stared at her so deeply and for so long. Not saying anything until tens of seconds later to make him not know how to behave. He was about to take a look, but the dark bead seemed to be inviting him to run in a foreign park filled with blue Hydrangea, so beautiful that it made him forget the way home. For a few seconds that Kalea could no longer calculate the exact number, she again got lost in the intoxicating dark bead. Volunteers were framed, caught longer by the owner named Mahesa Gavin Cakraditya. Ha, a little interesting facts to reveal, lately, Kalea likes to mention the full name of this man.

"Kalea," called Gavin at last, breaking the silence which for some time Kalea hoped could last longer. He does not like silence, but if silence means he can enjoy the beautiful garden inside the dark bead of Gavin a little longer, Kalea does not mind.

"What?" tanyakanya.

"Thank you."

"For?" For a moment, Kalea seemed to think. On what basis did Gavin say that thank you? Didn't he make the man confused today because of his childish attitude that prefers to run away instead of waiting for Gavin to calm down a little longer?

"For the hug you gave me." Gavin's smile grew. "I'm not lying, it's actually effective at fixing my messed up mood."

There were so many answers pacing back and forth on Kalea's head, but none of them were able to be spoken of because he was busy controlling the butterfly colony that had awakened from its long slumber, flapping their wings in unison to cause a tickling sensation in his stomach.

While Kalea struggles with the foreign turmoil that overwhelms every cell in her body, Gavin is busy neutralizing an increasingly crazed heartbeat. This feeling, this strange swish, it felt like he had not felt for a long time since the nightmare from memory years ago returned to side with intensity too often in recent months. Nightmares that always make him wake up in the middle of the night with a body covered in sweat, also a heart beat that craze and wheezing breath. A nightmare that was even worse than the reality he had to accept since he was so young.

Kalea's presence made her feel reunited with her long-dead side, buried with the rejection of the destiny God had laid out for her, which in the end ended in vain because his life had to go according to what was already His will. Gavin never intended to forget Irina who had accompanied him in his worst times years ago, moreover, to release the hand of the woman who has filled her days and helped her rise in the world and all its contents seemed to judge her to immediately lift her foot. Only, one side of him the other also did not want to miss Kalea. Not for the second time.

"First, when I was a child, there was a Mother who would hug me if I was sad again." Gavin spoke with a bright look, recalling his joyful childhood and being surrounded by people who loved him so much. "But now, because it's big, I can no longer get that hug from Mother. Perhaps more precisely, I can no longer show that sadness in front of Mother."

"Why?"

Gavin looked back at Kalea. It is clear that there is a lot of curiosity stored behind the bead boba who is now looking at him seriously. Then he smiled, a smile that he himself did not know how to interpret.

"I don't want you to get hurt. Because if I am sad, Mother will be the one who feels sad many times more than what I feel." For a moment, Gavin felt the emptiness in his chest come back to him in real. There, in the part that no one else has touched, he keeps a side of himself to enjoy himself. The fragile side of her, the crybaby and moody one complained. In the past, that side of self was held so tightly by Mother, and she never objected. But as time went on and the facts about him were revealed, he could no longer let that side continue to be a burden for Mother. The woman had sacrificed too much, forgetting that she should have taken care of herself who was also wounded and bleeding.

"In the eyes of a mother, a child will never truly become an adult." Kalea said, throwing your face for the sake of looking at the expanse of the night sky that is so thick up there.

"Three days ago, I overheard Mama and Papa talking in the kitchen. It was late, maybe one or two in the morning." Kalea close the jacket worn when the wind blows again hit her thin body. "I woke up thirsty, but just got to the stairs, I heard Mama who was whining to Papa about our wedding plans. Mama said she was worried about me, afraid I could not live a new life as a wife, afraid I was lonely, she said, I'm afraid I can't pretend like I do with my mom every day."

Gavin listened carefully, not intending to interrupt even though in his head there were now so many things that he also wanted to convey to this woman.

"From there I realized, no matter how old I was, whether I was alone or married, in Mama's eyes I would still be her cute little baby."

Gavin felt his breath stop for a few moments as Kalea suddenly allowed the head, looking at him fixedly with a thin smile that resembled an oasis in a barren wilderness, able to relieve the thirst that almost left him suffocating to death.

"You know what Papa said to calm Mama down?" kalea asked, and Gavin just shook his head.

Kalea's smile is wide. His sincerity felt right up to Gavin's heart, making one other part of his long-dead heart slowly show signs of life again. That smile was still exactly the same as he had known all those years ago, a smile that could always calm him from all fears about the world.

"Papa said, there's nothing to worry about because I married her to you."

Just as Kalea's lips clenched again, Gavin felt her chest tight. Perih spread all over his body as the bead boba with a shady twinkle similar to the December rain was staring at him so deeply. Like putting such a great trust, without knowing that his trust would only end up in vain because it was placed on a jerk like himself. Had Kalea known that what appeared before her eyes now was not the real figure of Gavin, would the eyes still be the same? Just imagining it had frightened Gavin. He did not want to lose, neither Irina, nor Kalea.

So when Kalea's lips were about to open again to continue her sentence, Gavin quickly pulled the little body into his arms. He held Kalea so tightly, leaned his chin on Kalea's small shoulder and closed his eyes tightly.

"Then, please help me to be someone who can truly be trusted." The request was not only directed to Kalea, but also to himself. Wishing he could keep Irina and Kalea in an equally safe position. Because if someone has to be destroyed, he will give himself up in exchange for these two women can still survive to the end.

******

From the beginning when he drove his car into the courtyard of the house, Gavin's feeling was not good when his eyes met a bright red Honda Civic parked in his garage. A sight that he had not seen for a long time, he even hoped that the car would not visit his home again in the near future.

With a feeling of anxiety, after parking his car in the garage, Gavin swung his legs into the house through the garage door that would be directly connected to the living room. But only arriving at the side of the garage door, his steps came to a halt as the loud voice of a man greeted his sense of hearing. Gavin grimaced as the man's voice sounded increasingly clear with a tone that was progressively rising by several octaves. The matter in his chest may not be comparable to what Mother felt when the woman was forced to serve a debate started by the man, who was none other than his own biological brother.

"What do you think, Ra? How could it be a crazy idea to match the child with the child of the Pradipta family?!" Om Arya spoke with explosive emotions.

"If they find out about the boy, not only Papa's legacy will be destroyed, but our family! The great family of Cakraditya will be ruined because of your carelessness, Ra!"

The Cakraditya family. Of course Gavin knew himself enough not to put himself into any of them. However, hearing how Om Arya is worried that her true identity will threaten the safety of all family members, Gavin again feels that she should not be born into the world.

"His name is Gavin, Mas. Mahesa Gavin Cakradity. Why, after all, did Mas never want to call Gavin by his name again, and instead constantly called Gavin 'the boy'?" Gavin's breath choked as Mother's voice flew, sounding vibrating as she emphasized every word in her name. Mother does not change, from the beginning always be someone who stands at the front when someone tries to tease her.

"I've not mentioned that name since all the truth was revealed. That damn kid doesn't even deserve to have Cakraditya behind his name. Because the truth is he's not part of our family, Ra. He's not a descendant of Cakraditya!"

Gavin closed his eyes, his hands clenched firmly beside his body to hold back the emotions that were ready to explode. No. gabe. He was not angry at Om Arya, because everything the man said was the truth. He was angry at himself, who had to be present among good people and make them point at each other's faces with overflowing emotions. Had the time machine been there, Gavin wanted to go back in time so that his birth never happened.

"Enough, Mom! Gavin is my son, so he definitely deserves to have Cakraditya behind his name. Stop blaming that innocent kid, Mom. If you want to be despicable, you can do that to me, not to my son!"

And Gavin's defense collapsed upon hearing sobs coming out of Mother's lips. He could no longer hold himself back. So the long legs were again swung, walking quickly to the two people who were arguing before their debate became more and more Mother would get hurt.

"Enough, Om!" Gavin pulled Mother's body slowly, immediately hiding the fragile body behind her when Om Arya was about to open her mouth again.

"Please spit out all Om's hatred directly at me, not at Mother." Gavin looked at Om Arya with a bold gaze. In fact, he was afraid not to play. If I'm honest, his body is trembling a little now. Because facing Om Arya will never be easy. There was always one new point of wound that would appear when the eagle's eyes looked at him with scorn and hatred. But this time, Gavin will strengthen himself. Because it is time he changed to protect Mother.

"Go away, I won't talk to you." Om Arya said cynically. The man in his late forties was about to pull on Mother's arm, but Gavin quickly blocked her hand.

"Deliver! I want to talk to my sister!" Jerky Om Arya. He threw Gavin's hand with heartlessness, then he again tried to reach the hands of Pearl, his sister, although in the end his hand was blocked again by Gavin.

"I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." Say Gavin with a hardened jaw. He blocked Om Arya's stronger hand, making sure the man would not have the power to pull over his check like he had before.

"So self-conscious, you are the source of heartache in my sister's life." Om Arya said with a cynical smile.

Gavin was unable to provide a rebuttal, because in reality, what Om Arya said was indeed true. If anyone hurts Mother the most, it must be her.

"Vin," whispered Mother slowly, rubbing Gavin's shoulder to calm her son so as not to be emotionally ignited. Gavin's relationship with Arya is not good, Mother does not want their relationship to worsen.

"Of course I'm self-conscious." Gavin releases his cheque in Om Arya's hand. "Because I realize that the source of your heartache is me, then all I can do is protect Mother from other things that will make her heartache worse."

"Sweet, sweet mouth of yours, just like your bastard father." Om Cibir Arya.

Hearing Papa called a bastard by Om Arya does not necessarily make Gavin's emotions ignited. Because he accepted that word. Papa is indeed a bastard, and on several occasions, Gavin wishes he had not been born from the seed of a male bastard like Papa.

"Mas, that. Please stop hurting my son with your spicy words."

Gavin could not hold back as Mother moved forward. Now they change positions. Mother who is now standing in front, becomes a shield for herself as she has always done so far.

"What is your son? He's not your son! Stop referring to this bastard as your son because it's disgusting!"

"Mas!" Mother screams in frustration. Gavin was stunned to see how Mother snapped at Om Arya, although shortly after, tears began to trickle down his tired face again.

"Enough, please. If Mas Arya doesn't want to accept Gavin's presence, that's okay, I don't have a problem. But please, stop bothering him. Stop calling him an illegitimate child or other inappropriate names. Gavin's my son, Mas. Please, stop hurting him." Mother's voice trembled, in tune with her shoulders moving up and down holding the sobbing. Gavin wanted to embrace his mother's body, holding her tightly as she always did to him as a child. But somehow, his body felt stiff. So that he was just silent when he saw Om Arya exhaling a rough breath and rubbed his face with a quick motion then passed from before them without saying a word.

Even when there was a loud thump at the door that finally made Om Arya's figure completely disappear from their sight, Gavin still could not do anything. He just silently watched his mother cry as much as she could before him, without daring to step closer for fear that he would only make the cry even more broken.

Why should I be born into the world?