Small Stars For Faila

I don't really love you

I went up to the room and locked the door, laid this body on the bed in the room .

Look at the medicine I'm taking, I'm back to sleep, I heard Frans knocking on the door and calling my name but the sleepiness left me helpless,

Frans' family was worried, because I didn't answer and I locked the door, there was no law, Frans broke down the door to my room.

I can still hear their voices talking

“That's because the effect of sleep is Mi,” said brother Dion explained , after checking I stick both fingers b in the chimney of this nostril , make sure I'm still breathing.

Mami confirmed my sleeping position, enveloped me, not forgetting to kiss this forehead.

“Fai, why don't you tell mami that you have a disease ….Sorry Mami didn't know that you were sick baby,” said mami rubbed this head.

It was almost afternoon, I heard their voices again chatting seriously in the guest room below, I was curious about their discussion.

My feet stepped down, still I saw big brother Hendo come to sit there with grandfather, their discussion of me.

“I want to take him out of the country to get treatment there,”ujar Hendro.

Hearing him talk like that, I hated his voice so much, I even wished I hadn't met the brother who dumped me.

“No , grandfather will take him home the village , grandfather will take care there,” said grandfather again.

“But she's still in college, Om," Frans' mom as if she's not willing to take me home.

“Lecture doesn't matter anymore Sin, at this time the healing he needs the most, I failed again the second time, Sin, even I did not know that he had a disease as severe as this was I thought just ordinary fear” said grandfather, said,  “If he is healed later I will marry him to my best friend's son in Malang, they already know each other, marry him now, will make me calm in old age, will make me,  I can die peacefully if he's already a household, ” said grandfather.

“I'll marry Kek,” the sound took me by surprise.  Frans offered to marry me out of pity.

I laughed feeling funny, hearing that, it was sad to hear it .  Heard Frans offering himself out of pity for me.

Hearing them all talk about me is like they know who I am and know what I've been through.

“ Know what you guys are about my life?”

“Are you sure Frans,” asks grandpa , sounds excited,

I hate to hear Frans want to marry me, maybe it was the thing I wanted so much that I even chased after him like a shameless person, but now it is very different. I don't like them all.

Frans is intending to marry me.  He thought of the disaster and disaster to me starting from his actions that scolded me that night.

But it's not because of Frans, he doesn't need to marry me and make it difficult for him, it's my disease as small as I keep in my heart until no one knows it.

I find it very funny to hear him entice himself to marry me. But I don't want Frans anymore, I don't need him anymore. I want to start a new life forgetting Frans I want to finish my college.

Evening came I did not want to go downstairs to dinner, because there was Hendro's brother there, I went back to the room.

There was a sound of legs coming into the room I pretended to be asleep, Frans came. I felt Frans hugging me from behind, he stuck his lips on my shoulder

“I'll take care of you Fai, trust me,” he said peeking at the back of my neck.

My body does not respond to anything he says. It's the first confession I've heard and maybe I've waited this long , all these years I've been chasing him this time I heard that phrase coming out of Frans' lips

But, my heart is petrified and I don't want that anymore.

‘Love it's gone’

My heart has started to close at least for now.

Frans hugged me from behind.

“Fai, are you still sleeping?  Didn't you hear me?” He asked, I closed my eyes, disrespecting him and not wanting to talk to him.

He laid his body beside me, stroking my long hair, Frans tried to wake me up but sorry

‘I don't want to see Frans again he already knows my illness for what else am I with him?’

“Fai are you still sleeping? I was still silent and did not want to respond to him “Good sleep again,” Frans left me to sleep again

*

When morning comes,

Very early in the morning Brother Henro my brother and grandfather went somewhere, it turns out last night the same grandfather Hendo stayed at Frans' house.

Ever since they found out about my illness, somehow the bad feeling of living in Frans' house, usually I never feel bad and usually I always face the wall .  Frans' house used to be like my own home, but at that time I also began to feel foreign in Frans' house

When my grandfather and brother left, my chance came down, I deliberately waited for my brother to leave so that I wouldn't have to meet my older brother whom I hated all my life.

When I got off, the Frans family was sitting at the dinner table all the family members were gathering, I thought this was my chance to talk.

“Eh Fai. have woken up here sit close, Mami,”ujar mami pull one seat for me, Mami,

I took a deep breath –, trying to gather strength and courage, to ask for permission to leave Frans' house.

“Mami, Pi, I want to say,” my eyes, look at Mami

Suddenly a moment of silence enveloped the dining table a tense feeling enveloped the atmosphere that morning, his children, staring at me with eyes investigating the faces of everything tense, tense, it made me groggy to see the gazes waiting from them, my tongue was moody.

“I want to go,Mi,” said I made the atmosphere of the morning was suddenly silent “I want to stay in the Dormitory with my friend,” Both Frans' parents stared at each other

The faces of the two became gloomy.

“But why, Fai? did we make a mistake,” asked Mami.

“Not Mi, I just want to be independent, this family has long supported me, my life is too good, I want to be independent

“I know Pi, that's why I'm so grateful, grandpa no longer gives my tuition since last month, so ,  I want to work and happen to work that I got near the campus dormitory.”

“Why didn't you say you wanted to work, papi’kan could help,” Her Papi Frans looked at me.

“I just want to be independent and I want to prove it to my grandfather I can, Pi.”

“Fai many things you want to ask you. Why don't you ever tell us about your illness”

“It's okay, Mi I can handle it , I just want to leave, today,”.

“But we already discussed last night about your marriage with Frans , we accelerated.”  Mami's face looks happy, maybe they all hope, I will jump in joy after Frans is willing to marry me.

But I was ordinary, there was no joy or pleasure and did not even respond a little, they looked at each other who did not react.

“Mami, I want to finish my lecture first.”

“Fai don't you want to marry Frans again?” mami asked her face looking at me seriously.

I took a deep breath, it felt very heavy, to answer it

,

“I want to just lecture Mi”

“Have you not forgiven him yet?”

“I'm fine with Frans Mi”

I pulled out a deep breath again hoping to quickly escape the situation

“Look at the noodles, for this long I listened to pi and brother all and all your goodness to me.  Forgive all my bad behavior during my stay in this house”

“Fai what is this, why have you arrived like this where you are going? Frans' face looked even more serious.

“Only your grandfather and brother come home first here and we talk well ,” talk papi again.

But I refused firmly, instead wanting to leave because I didn't want to meet him.

“So right said grandfather, you will gradually move away and will eventually disappear,” said Arjun looking at me

“Not true Jun, I visited again

Then my mom went berserk in disappointment after not succeeding in persuading me and it was better that she vent her anger than to hold it and I promise not to  will be angry what is more revenge

“Alright, go, you liar, you said you forgave him and you promised not to go no matter what, but you are vengeful,  if you want it like that,” said Mami Frans after failing to persuade me.

“Mami sorry”

Everything is silent. I quickly picked up my suitcase that I had prepared starting last night.

Suddenly Frans came with emotion following from behind and closed the door very tightly and locked it from the inside, his eyes sharp.

“Fai, you won't say anything to me, will you dwell on me forever?”

“No, I don't think there's anything we need to talk about Frans, so we have no problem,” I said act calm.

“If you're being frank with me, I don't feel guilty, because I never know about you, but I want to fix everything Fai, give me a chance I'll fix everything,” said Frans.

“No need Frans, you do not need to fix and no need to fix anything from us, Karen we are never related to anything, so no need to apologize, if anyone should apologize, it's me, because all this time I've been the one who's been guilty of you,”.

Frans' eyes glazed over.

“Sorry Fai, sorry because all this time I didn't know about your illness”

“No need to feel guilty Frans, I never really like you, I have never loved you all this time, just consider my behavior all this time, because of my illness, the old disease that I hid, I hide, I just made you my escape, because I'm afraid of living alone, I'm afraid of the dark, so don't you think I'm chasing you because I really love you, now you know, right,  so there is no need to feel guilty to me, what else until I marry, I do not want to be a burden for you, from now on you are free to mencinti anyone you like, I make sure I won't follow you like a pet like I did for almost as many years,” I said

With my confession that never loved her, her face stiffened, she probably wouldn't have expected that I would confess like that.

His face lowered and the jaw hardened there was a sense of sophistication visible on his face

“Have you not forgiven me?  He tried asking again. “Is it true you have no more feelings for me?”

“Yes, let's forget each other assume never met,”

He immediately let go of his hand hearing me talk like that.

“Is it true there is not the slightest bit?”

“Iya ,” answer me again

“Alright, you go,”

He stood up and helped, his eyes staring blankly.

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