Small Stars For Faila

Traumah disease recurred

ko told me how they lost their sister to an illness like the one I had, that was also why the tall man cared about me.

“Maybe that regret, we will carry it until we die.

My parents almost committed suicide out of regret. We are two sisters and I. He left us, right at the age of 20 right before he finished school to his doctor. His tragic death, made our world turn like Hell” Bang Niko let out a long breath.

“He was alone in that dark place, for days without anyone knowing, sitting in a position hugging knees , cold and scared , ' he said ,  maybe he wanted to make a sound, but was unable to get it out so no one heard it.

Nor did he tell us about the disease, he kept it to himself, he suffered alone.  Thinking about it makes this chest hurt,” said Niko he told me about the life of his sister who suffered the same disease as me. Namely; fear of the dark, fear of being alone, fear of the hospital.

Seeing Niko win sadly I also started to feel the same panic. I started to feel my chest getting hot wanting to explode, fortunately bang Niko noticed she let go of her embrace and looked at me deeply.

“Fai … . The eyes are still, “ I see you as my little adek, if you are sad cry, if you are angry, then get angry, then get angry, don't keep yourself there pointing at my chest.

Do not form your own world and no one should know it

If you are able to walk in a light place, you must also be able to walk in a dark place, if you are sad then cry, cry, do not hold it alone that makes your disease worse”

“I can't …. I can die, I can't feel sad,” I said tightly holding his hand,

“At least, someone will help you if you feel like dying”

“I know you're angry with Frans, I know you hate him but you hide your illness from him,  you wrap it with your pretentious attitude, I know how angry you are when he insults your dead mother, the woman who gave you a new life, but was insulted, are you sure you're not angry?” Niko asked, she knows everything about me.

“Sudalah, I don't want to discuss anything else”

“That's what I want to say Fai, enough with your attitude like that. Tell me aren't you mad if your mother is insulted by the mother you miss dear?” asked Niko hearing the question I felt short of breath.

I am a very fragile woman whenever I feel sad I will feel this body is helpless, weak drooping also hold sad.   Niko with iklas gave her shoulder for me to cry

Frans whom I admired for many years, did not even know me and understood my screams, my cries grew. My chest was rising no matter how long I cried. I drooped limp unconscious on the shoulders of the bang Niko.

                             *

I woke up, rubbed these eyes, tried to read the situation I was in a strange place like in someone's room I glanced right-left. Not long after that niko came with her lover , carrying a tray with a glass of hot chocolate milk followed by a short-haired, petite-postured young woman approached me

“Let's get ready first Fai.” Bang Niko spooned a glass of warm chocolate .

“I where?” My eyes looked at them in turn.

“This is my room Ma'am,” said the little blonde haired woman, “I Farida,” thrust her right hand.

“He's my fiancee Fai, we're where he is now. Don't worry Fai, I've asked Farida to tell her Mama Frans last night,” said NIko, I feel very relieved I don't want Frans' family to worry.

                                *

Since that incident, I feel the burden on my chest feels a little less and I have not returned to Frans ' house , I don't know why this race heart is a little heavy back in that house again.

I chose to stay at my best friend Tari's place, He accepted there in the University Dormitory . Dari lives there to save costs, little by little tell Tari, the,  that night we didn't sleep exchanging stories and weeping together he hugged me, he felt guilty too, a friend who had been with him for a long time, but I never told him about my illness.

“What's possible? you haven't really loved Frans all this time.  I mean maybe you're after him, you just need entertainment and just friends, maybe you are just obsessed with the atmosphere around his many friends, the atmosphere of the race makes you always entertained and his family is rame and good, he said, so it's a comfortable atmosphere for you and always hang on and trust them" Dari looked at me.

I'm silent, is it possible? Is it true I might

 really don't love her .... Just want a circle of comfort from Frans and look for the mother figure behind the form of Frans mami the role of a mother that I really want.

'Is it possible like that?' Suddenly I felt very foreign to me.

My phone deliberately let me die, I just want to meditate in the room Dormitory Princess occupied by Dari. Even just

buying food out of that room, I was reluctant to do it.

After being content to soak myself for days in the room Dance, I decided to go home Frans to pick up some change of clothes.

I decided to go back to Frans' house although at first, I was very heavy-hearted to go back there, because I realized my behavior all along.

I went home to Frans deserted, freaking me out again

the atmosphere of the house was dark and lonely, the fear covered me again, I waited a long time in front of the house at night, hoping someone who opened the door for me , but I've been waiting for a while for no one

coming, the clock has shown at 23:00 my phone is dead, sappam in front of the guard post is not there.

 I decided to fight back and break through the darkness of the room to enter the room I used to occupy.

Just a few steps into the living room, but I was already sweating, I was feeling very uneasy, I thought that I was strong and brave and had to try it.

But it turns out that my guess was wrong.  Instead I felt my chest tightening and my knees shaking, in the end I was unable to move these legs anymore, I curled up and my whole body was soaked in sweat, and I was unable to move,  I wanted to shout for help, but unable to make a sound, my gaze began to twitch – fireflies, started to feel frightened, I hugged these two knees, I hugged both knees, the lower lip is numb even though I bite it hard .

I just whispered to myself.”I'm going to die now,”

 I only remembered one name in my shadow, calling it in my heart. Niko Tire.

Suana was dark in Frans' house, causing my trauma to recur, my body to tremble and faint, I felt almost dead because I also had trouble breathing.

But all of a sudden, I feel like this body was lifted up by someone.

‘Ah may be the angel who brought me from this world, I thought at that time my eyes were still closed

Connect ….

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