Small Stars For Faila

A sad childhood

After someone took me to that hospital, put this body on the hospital bed.

“Can you open your eyes, can you hear my voice?”  The doctor tried to wake me up.

 Right now I'm lying in the hospital, I remember all my time

the painful bleak times, the pain I had kept deep in this heart for so many years, caused me to suffer from trauma.

My illness began to appear when grandfather locked me up and left me at home for days – days, grandfather blamed me for my mother's death,

My mother was her only child whom she fought for her entire life since her late grandmother died, grandfather fought alone to raise a mother.

Grandfather vented his grief on a 7-year-old little girl who did not know what – was, he was blamed for the deaths to his two parents.

My grandfather left me at home for days in a dark room and he went somewhere.

The fear and shivering that I felt at that time, he said that seeing me would see my mother's form, because he could not bear to see me.

 Grandpa chose to take me to the orphanage, although I begged that I not be escorted there, he still took me there.

Promising to pick me back up, while at the parlor I did mischief, hoping for the mischief I did, my grandfather paid attention and took me home from the parlor.

But what I get is the opposite, every time I do misbehave, the owner of the orphanage gets angry and punishes me, locked up in a dark barn, he said,  I screamed they would flush me with a bucket of cold water, every day.

 I always wish grandfather would come to pick me up, a week, a month or even a year. But my wish never materialized grandfather dumped me on the orphanage forever.

Days changed, mingu changed, the poor little boy was still hoping, finally the years changed, I used to live in an orphanage,  the cruel treatment of the caretaker to me I received, until finally I stopped wishing on my grandfather and older brother.

That night I always asked God what was wrong,  why was I punished like this and my little lips begged God to have my grandfather pick me up from the miserable Pantyhouse

But maybe God doesn't hear the prayers of poor little girls like me or God is busy, I sit every night looking at the little star in the sky,  looking at the stars and talking to that sparkling thing that way I feel very calm.

Because of my father's mother, I think in heaven and close to the 'star, I begged the star to pick me up.

Until I was 10 years old, I chose to run away from the orphanage and be a street kid and eat out of the trash and sometimes fight with street cats. Mention rice basih used to eat people who are no longer worthy to eat, in order to fill the stomach in order to be able to live.

 When we were street kids, we were led by some thugs who forced us to busk and if we didn't get the money, ' he said ,  will be beaten and locked in a bedeng in a dark place and filled with garbage and rats .

Two years of living on the bushy streets at the beat that's the life story I've been through.

 Living on the streets made me, having spoken bad words, curse my mother and father who brought me into this world, but abandoned me alone.

When I was 12 years old, I and my friends rajia sappop PP was brought to social institutions, scouted, scouted,   I was going to be returned but I didn't admit there was family because there was no family, I gave a job, washed dishes in one of the restaurants in Jakarta

One year later my grandfather came to bring me back to that scary house.

                    **

Flas.

Right now, I'm still lying in a hospital bed.

My eyes were still soaked with tears still flowing like a creek, soaking in these eyes, I promised myself that I would never meet my grandfather and brother, promised myself right after grandpa dumped me at the orphanage.  Grandpa prefers his grandson over me,

Grandfather threw me away like a secondhand, I promised not to cry and kept all those bad memories and promised never to forgive those two who had dumped me.

Every time I grieve and cry, I will have a seizure – seizures. This time it happened, I went back to having seizures and my mouth was foaming.

I faintly heard someone screaming hysterically calling the doctor, he pressed the emergency button not long after

a bunch of doctors ran up to me, put a strong tension on this chest, my eyes were slightly opened staring at the glass wall, they stood looking at me.

In the act of seizure - my shock my gaze was only fixed on

my grandfather with a tall, beautiful man was my older brother.

The one who could abandon me with my grandfather, of all the people who stood looking at me with pity.

My eyes were focused only on my grandfather and brother, my mouth was foaming and my body was stiffening, but my eyes were still focused on the two of them, he was crying and hugging grandfather.   My eyes narrowed and eventually closed. When I looked at Henro's grandfather and brother, I wished I had slept forever, so as not to see the two men again.

\*\*

After a long time, closing my eyes, in my shadow, I was dead and would soon meet my mother. My mind was troubled by the smell of flowers, flowers that I often picked with my mother when I was a child

  ‘Am I dead, am I alive?’

Not knowing how long I slept, I regained my senses when there was a fragrant smell of flowers.

Trying to open my eyes, I looked around trying to figure out where this body was.

“Am I in Heaven?” mummify slowly.

 Appeared a white-footed woman smiling sweetly .

 Suddenly came again man with handsome eyebrows thick lined up neat nose pointed and his jaw firmly do not forget his body athletic and muscular no other word but handsome.

‘Is he also a handsome angel?

But wait .. isn't this Frans, is he dead too? and follow to heaven?’

 “Good morning princess,” greet Frans then in follow mom and grandpa.

My eyes mergerjap-erjap watching around, it turns out I'm still alive I'm not dead, I'm still quietly observing around, looking around, it turns out that I was still in the hospital room perfumed from a vase placed beside the bed and yesterday's equipment, no longer attached to this body,  just an infuse hose stuck to my arm.

I don't feel any pain in this body anymore, like I did when he took me to the hospital.

“You've woken up baby, you fainted very long” Mami Frans kissed my forehead.

My eyes were still watching my surroundings looking for someone I really hated my older brother.

“He still has Fai affairs,” said grandfather seola as if he knew and could read my mind.

‘So this is not in a dream?  the man did come to see me , my brother who I hate and do not want me to see, it is true came not in mimipi?’

I want to sit and make them sound in unison.

“Fai, don't sit down just rest”

I spontaneously pulled the infuse. “I'm fine let's go home”

“Fai!”  Mami screamed to see blood slide from her arm.

Frans Mumemelukku he tried to win me over and arrest me. But I felt nothing more from the embrace Frans gave me.

“I'm fine. I want to go home”

“Sayang’ you are still weak rest first,” persuade mami gently.

“Mi, I'm not long here, I can die from tightness. I'm a hospital phobia, I can have seizures again later.   So please get me out of here “

With the doctor's approval, I can go home. Frans and Frans family suddenly became quiet, during the trip home, the atmosphere in the car became quiet.

“Fai …. Sorry Mommy, yes. We did not know that you have such a disease,” said Mami Frans her face felt guilty.

“It's okay Mi, I also don't want anyone else to know it”

“But you should be honest with mom so we can take you to the doctor,” said the beautiful woman looking at me with pity.

I just dodged this head in the car seat choosing to sleep.

                                        *

After almost a fortnight, Frans' car stopped in front of the house.

“I will rest in the room only Mi,” I said when we all arrived at Frans' house.

“But, we have to check you first, Fai,” Dino, warn me

“Ga kak, I'm already okay”

 Walked to the room I used to live in.

“But Fai …. I want to give you an injection!” Shouted Dion his worried face.

I know they're still bigung someone who almost died yesterday acted like everything was fine, all right,

That night, my fear had recurred because Frans' house was quiet and the lights in front were extinguished, causing me to die. It turned out that Frans came and saw me dying and running to the hospital, a little too late the doctor said I would not survive.

the illness that I had been hiding from the Frans family for so many years, was eventually discovered as well.

 But after that incident, this body felt something new, half the burden felt lost, he said, maybe because I finished with the cry that I usually sniffed all this time, I hope something changes with my life from now on.

I wish I could go to college, get a better future, forget Frans, my grandfather and my brother.

Connect …

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beginning of the wrong love. (Close)

married to Brondong (ongoing)

being a prisoner of a Mafia boss (ongoing)

- Small Star For Faila(ongoing)