Holy Prison

PS 67 - Farewell

Considering I was leaving my friends, my eyes immediately managed to tear up. But I can't cry. There are still a lot of people here.

I also chose to look up, trying to hold back my tears.

"Go ahead, Ma, to Nindy's cabin, so we can go home quickly. Nindy must have missed her room. Isn't that right, kid?" ask Papa.

No, Papa. I still want to be here.

I smile. Nodding. I don't want to make Papa's heart sad if I deny it.

Me, Brother Ulfa, Mama, and Umipun went to my cottage. In the room I had all tidied up yesterday with Arum and Linda. So, we just need to take him.

"Ma, can you before Nindy go say goodbye to Nindy's friends?" my many.

"Can, Honey. We're waiting in the car." said Mama.

"Thank you, Ma." I said.

I also say goodbye to my roommate. After that, I stared at Farha's old closet. My tears are coming down. "Farha, hopefully someday I can congratulate you on all your achievements directly" I said as I rubbed Farha's closet.

My eyes are back in tears. I held back my tears.

Allah.-my inner. My tears are back.

I hurriedly wiped my tears and went to look for Arum. "Arum.." call me.

"Mom!" yells. He hugged me right away. I returned his embrace as well.

"I say goodbye, Rum." I said to Arum.

Our tears are now running. Arum. We knew sooner or later this would all happen. Isn't every meeting there's going to be a farewell?

"I'm sorry, Rum. I'm sorry that as long as I'm here, I've always taken care of you." I said.

"Don't say that, Ma'am. We're semi-siblings, I've regarded Mbak as my own brother, so I've never felt Mbak's a hassle. It is precisely I who thank you Maak for helping me learn many things" said Arum.

I'm nodding. "I thank you too, for being like you. And sorry about the bathroom incident when I first arrived. I don't think I'm sorry about that" I said.

Arum laughing. Given the incident, I laughed too.

"There's a Farha, Rum. We must be complete." I said.

Arum. I can't continue my words either. Talking about Farha's departure before graduation is so sad. Like me, Arum feels the same way.

"Hopefully we can meet him, Ma'am" Arum said.

I'm nodding. "Amen."

"To Linda, yuk?" I said I'd take Arum.

Arum. "Yok, Ma'am" he said.

Arriving in Linda's room. We went straight to Linda. This time he sat alone. Looking at us she immediately stood up and hugged us both.

"At last we got to this point" he said. He was crying and crying too.

I hugged him tightly. Shab his shoulder. I have to thank Ilham and Aaron for giving a friend as good as Linda.

Since the beam incident 4 years ago and since I returned to this boarding school, we've been best friends. For me, Linda is my sister too. I really think of her as a sister even though our age is not much different.

"I'm sorry, Lin. I've got so much wrong with you." I told Linda.

Linda shakes. I wiped her tears while smiling.

"No, Ma'am. It is precisely I who have a lot of fault with Ma'am" said Linda. "Even I'm evil.."

I hurriedly cut out his sentence. I don't want Linda to go back to remembering the sad events of the past. Let the past remain the past. Important repairs afterwards. Linda has changed and apologized. That's enough for me to forgive him. After all he's the brother of my friends and his apology is sincere. I have no reason not to forgive him.

"Sttt. yes already. Don't take it anymore." I said.

After we apologized and thanked each other. Now it's time to say goodbye to them.

"I have to go." I said.

"Yes, Mother. Be careful on the road." said Arum.

Linda nodded hinting in agreement to Arum's remark.

"O yes, this is my business card. There's a number and an address, too." I said. "It's more than 4tahuh, but God willing it's still valid" I said.

They took the business card and nodded.

"Yes, Mother. It must be." said Linda.

"Yes, Ma'am" said Arum

We hugged again for the last time. Although it feels less because of the absence of Farha but we are still happy to have each other.

"If one of us knows the news Farha gave each other news." I said.

They nodded.

Arum and Linda were going to take me. But I don't want them to take me any further. Because it'll make me feel even harder to leave.

"Till here. If you come with me until the parking lot I don't know whether to go or not." I said, arriving in front of the stairs.

They hugged me again. It turns out that the hug wasn't the last. A short hug that hurts so much.

"Be careful on the road, Ma'am." exclaimed Arum and Linda.

I smiled towards them. Then turn around, get down, and move away. My chest hurts so much. I don't think I'm going to part. I love them so much.

Now my head is filled with memories of this cottage. Memories of how I came, attempted suicide and escape, knowing Gus Faiz, knowing my friends, knowing Abah and Umi, being punished, falling, until waking up.

As I descended downstairs I stared at the bathroom which also had a lot of history about a Nindy. I remembered the times I dragged Arum, cried remembering Inspiration, and washed while joking with Arum, Farha, and Linda.

Goodbye. -beninku.

As I walked I passed the road to the narrow alley. The meeting place for me and Aaron. Also my meeting place with Gus Faiz.

Remembering Gus Faiz. I came back sad. However, I hurriedly realized.

Do not let me love Your creatures more until I forget You, O God.

I patted my chest. Then walk back to the parking lot. However, when he arrived in front of Abah's house. I remember Gus Faiz.

I shook my head. Trying to erase my thoughts about Gus Faiz.

I walked again, turned to an alley that led me to a friend's garden I met Zahra and the two little children I had asked for bread. The park is also where Abah gets me to hug Gus Faiz. Considering that I once hugged Gus Faiz, I felt my cheeks hot, it seemed red.

No, Nindy. Don't keep thinking about Gus Faiz.

I walk again. Then I saw the courtyard of the mosque where Gus Faiz and I were in the law. I recall how Gus Faiz was willing to accept punishment for just one, Nindy. I haven't been able to thank him for this.

I looked at the mosque court with a smile. Now my memory goes back to the times I was at the station with Aaron, and I think back to the words of Gus Faiz.

By Allah, I am not lying. I really love you with all my heart. I don't want you to go far away from me. I beg you, An. Come back to me. You're the only girl I love besides Umi. I beg! Come back to me! I beg you! - the voice of Gus Faiz.

It has been four years since that incident. Though secretly I still expected his seriousness. But I realize. Four years is a long time. It was almost impossible if he still felt the same way.

After all, Gus Faiz was Abah's son. An ordinary santri like me feels unworthy to be with someone as special as him.

"Because of you, I know what it's like to be a pesantren" said Gus Faiz. I'm turning. He chuckles.

I was stunned, then looked over for a moment. Make sure that this voice belongs to Gus Faiz. Someone I was thinking about earlier.

Hearing the phrase 'tuyul pesantren' makes me want to be heard. I spread my eyes the other way. The term tuyul pesantren is quite popular in my pesantren. The term used to refer to a person who is being bullied for having made a mistake is quite troubling.

"Pardon me for that." I said. I dare not look at Gus Faiz. I'm down.

"Just because of that?" ask Gus Faiz.

"I'm sorry for everything." I said. "And.."

I began to wonder how I would say that I was so grateful to him for taking me through such terrible times.

Not only that, I would like to ask you how it is. But I dare not.

"And?" said.

How is this? - I ask in my heart.

"I-I have to go. Excuse me." I said. Then turn around and walk away.

I put my hands on my chest to neutralize the pounding of my heart. It turned out that even though many years had passed, the sense of it still continued to exist.

"Wait, An!" I said. I feel dejavu.

I stopped my steps.