Holy Prison

PS 61 - Forgive Each Other

I'm trying to neutralize my heartbeat. I hope my cheeks aren't red now. Gus Faiz really sucks. Why do I have to make my cheeks hot when he leaves me.

Soon after, Mama went into the room, her tears were still running, she smiled at me. Followed by the others. Gus Faiz came in. I began to force my body to sit, because I could not stand with our broken state. I hugged my mother with great solemnity while she was beside me.

“Mama, I'm sorry Nindy, Nindy has been acting like Mama.” I said. Tears are flowing again. Mama returned my embrace very tightly.

“No dear, Wrong Mama. Sorry Mama yes. My mom always made you sick. Mom always commands you. My mother never tried to understand you. My mom doesn't listen to all of your words. All this time Mama only saw your sister, to the point of forgetting you. I'm sorry, Mama, honey. Forgive Mama.” said Mama. I nodded in his arms.

"Yes, Ma. Nindy is also wrong because she hates Mama who has worked hard to raise Nindy" I said.

"Yes, Honey. Ja. We started everything from the beginning, right?" said Mama.

I looked into Mama's tearful eyes just like mine. I wiped his tears.

"Don't cry anymore, Ma." I said.

He nodded while holding my hand. He kissed my right cheek, left cheek, and forehead.

I glanced at Gus Faiz. His eyes seem to keep on coming at me. But when our eyes meet. He looked her in the other direction. Sucks.

Now Brother Ulfa who was crying saw me, approached me. I hugged her. "I'm sorry, brother." I said. It was the only sentence that came to my mind.

Sister Ulfa cried in my arms. He could only shake his head weakly, it seemed like he could not say anything. After letting go of our guards, he wiped my tears while shaking his head, then hugged me again. “It's not who should be apologizing. Brother who made you like this. If only you could approach me the right way. We will definitely be all right.” said Kak Ulfa.

“No Brother, Brother is not wrong, Nindy is wrong because too blind is the same kindness Brother.” I said.

"We started from the beginning. Brother is dear to you." said Brother Ulfa while hugging me.

I spread my eyes the other way. It turns out that besides Mama and Kak Ulfa. There are also Umi and Abah. I really have to apologize to Umi and Abah for being bullies during boarding school.

"U-umi." I said.

Umi. Umi's face was still beautiful as usual. It's just that his eyes are full of tears. I must have given a lot of grief in Umi's eyes.

I dare not hug Umi. Because I felt like there were so many things that made me feel unworthy to embrace him. I did have a lot of faults for Mama and Sister Ulfa, but still they are my family. While Umi even though I have considered her as my second mother in the cottage, it still feels disinclined because of my mistakes are very much on her.

“I'm sorry Nindy Umi, Nindy is a lot wrong with Umi." I said. Dare to look at Umi's face.

Umi hugged me. I'm unmoving. My tears are back. Although often troublemaking in the cottage and like to make him bother, he was still willing to embrace me. I tried to hold back my tears but these tears could not be held. I hugged Umi back.

"Sorry Nindy, Umi. Nindy didn't mean to take nicotine and make trouble at Umi's cottage." I said, nodding.

"Yes, Son. Forgive Umi also yes for lying to you" said Umi.

I shook my head quickly. It was not Umi's fault. I know Umi's lies for my own good. Maybe if I were in his position, I would take similar action.

"No, Umi. Umi, not wrong." I said.

After taking off this hug, I looked back at her tears, I wiped those tears away like wiping away Mama's tears. He kissed my right cheek, left cheek, and forehead. Then hug me for a second.

My eyes now turned to Abah. I'm rattled. What to say. The shadow of Abah who was punishing Gus Faiz for my silliness is now beginning to swirl mercilessly. I dare not look at Abah.

Abah couldn't have hugged me. I have to dare to apologize to Abah. I also kissed Abah's hand and apologized, “I'm sorry Nindy Abah, sorry Nindy for having so much wrong with Abah. It's hard for Abah. I used to make trouble in Abah's cabin. Even made Abah law son of Abah himself.” I said. Bowing.

I spread my eyes. I'm looking for Papa. I miss Papa.

"Father." I said as I looked at Mama.

"Tell me first" said Mama.

I hurriedly held Mama's hand. I'm Papa's son, no matter what Papa's faults are to me, I'm still Papa's son. Papa is still Papa I have to respect. So, I don't think that no matter who's wrong, I as a child should apologize first.

It doesn't feel right if I ask Papa to see me. I have to see Papa first.

"Let me see Papa, Ma." I said.

Mama nodded. Gus Faiz brought me a wheelchair. He really has no intention of helping me. I looked at Mama for help. Mom smiled.

"Son Faiz, please lift Nindy into a wheelchair" Mama said.

Gus Faiz nodded. Brother Ulfa took my Infusion.

"I'm sorry" said Gus Faiz. And then I got into a wheelchair.

We went to see Papa.

From a distance I could see Papa crying in front of Musala. His face was pale, his lips were trembling. I can't bear to see Papa draining enough tears.

I was so stupid that I made Papa like this. I'm so stupid I don't understand Papa's feelings. I am a fool who hates him who loves me so much.

We're getting closer.

"Papa." I can only call his name. My tears are back.

Papa look. Saw me calling him. He ran towards me and hugged me. "My son." he cried.

"I'm sorry, Papa, son. Forgive me Papa." said Papa.

I felt my back wet. Papa was really crying. Seeing Papa crying in my arms, my tears would not stop.

"No, Pah. Nindy is wrong. Papa don't apologize, Nindy's wrong." I said as I hugged Papa tightly.

I love Papa. I really love Papa. - my inner self

Papa let go of my embrace. "It's all wrong, Papa. If only Papa wasn't stubborn. This is not all going to happen. Forgive Papa, Son. Forgive Papa who has been unfair to you. Forgive Papa who has hurt you so much" said Papa.

I'm shaking.

"Already, Papa. Don't cry anymore." I said while wiping away the tears on Papa's cheek.

"Papa love you, son" said Papa hugging me.

"Nindy too dear Papa. Very." I said, hugging him back.