Holy Prison

PS 44 - Dreams

I couldn't sleep last night. Even though my eyes were closed, my brain was still awake. I kept remembering my promise to Umi. I feel like I want to continue to curse myself for returning to my promises. I told you, said Ilham, that promise is debt. I don't want to owe anyone. Especially Umi. He was too good for me to disappoint.

The clock shows 10 o'clock passing a little. Me and the other santri just returned from a class at the mosque (combined class). I didn't see Aaron or Gus Faiz there.

I chose to go to the clothesline to clear my mind. While clearing my mind, I occasionally looked down. Who knew there was Aaron passing by like the time of the hood incident.

"Sir,." call someone. Arum's Voice.

I looked at it for a moment.

"I'm sorry, yesterday. I didn't know the ATM was missing. I was going to help Ma'am, but it became burdensome. Sorry for me." she said, sad.

He stood beside me. Following the way I see the rice fields.

I just kept quiet. I know his intentions are very good. However, I feel I can't create any more memories. I'll be gone in a minute. Leave all this. I just need to see Aaron.

Farha's coming. This time he came with Ulfa. I rolled my eyeballs. Lazy.

"Where were the results last night, Rum?" ask Farha.

"The only way we have to find the ATM is" Arum said. "Eh, Ulfa" said Arum, again.

"Gue go first." I said to Arum.

They're gonna come after me. I could tell from the sound of the approaching steps.

"This time I want to be alone. I beg you." I said.

They seem to understand. No one's following me anymore. I chose to go where I used to when I told the little ones to buy bread. Usually there are a lot of kids. Who knows, I could have had an epiphany there. I remember Gus Faiz.

And sure enough when I arrived at that small field full of grass, I could see a small child even if only one person was enough to cheer me up.

The boy's a girl. Not a kid I ever gave money to buy bread. I'm a 5-year-old taxant. Her face is beautiful, and adorable. If ever I had a child. I really want to have a child like that. Really beautiful and adorable.

I have no intention of approaching him. I prefer to sit on the wood comfortably. I just want to see whatever he does. If I observe, he's playing cook. His small hands were so skillfully stirring up the mud, the leaves that had been pounded, and the water in the small pots. Very amusing.

Later, if I have children. I promise, I won't let my son know what I'm feeling. I will be fair with my children, will love all the affection that is more than enough for my children, even I am willing to give my life for the happiness of my children.

Time is like walking slowing down. I continued to observe the little boy, long I was sleepy.

***

"Look at that little boy!" I called my husband, Gus Faiz.

In front of me was an adorable little boy. We are now in a beautiful flower garden.

"Why, Honey?" said Gus Faiz approaching me.

I hugged him spoiled. And he did something similar. He kissed my crown full of love. I'm really happy.

"I want to have such a cute child" I said as I pointed at the adorable little boy.

Gus Faiz rolled his gaze in the direction I pointed. Then smiled anxiously, while pinching my cheek.

"Ih, Mum. Sick." I said spoiled.

"You want a girl?" tanyakanya.

"Yes, I want a beautiful, funny, and. daughter." I haven't finished speaking directly at Gus Faiz's cut.

"Salihah is like her mother" he said again.

Just touch my cheek red. He chuckles at my face. I'm really embarrassed. My heart was pounding watching him start to advance his face to my face.

The closer, the closer, the closer..

***

"Eh, dislodged!" I shouted reflexively as my body seemed to be about to fall. I opened my eyes. Turns out I was just a dream. What a strange dream. I almost fell.

"Why you?" ask someone. The Voice of Gus Faiz.

I hurriedly stood up. Shaking my head to wake up. This guy is really Gus Faiz. He's waiting for my answer.

Don't-don't..

"Gue don't dream on you, Gus. Believe me I do not dream of macem-macem the same lo." I said.

He chuckles. I started thinking about my words again.

"Oath. Uh, I mean, I don't lie but I don't swear." I said, again. My life has really not been gathered.

I tried to convince him. He just laughed. Disrespectful. I guess he's getting a little misunderstood. Even though I really dreamt that damn dream, I don't want to admit it.

"My dream?" tanyanya.

"Eh, no! I mean. I did not dreamin you. Earlier, it was me.." I haven't had time to say anything.

BRUGH!

"Huaaa. Mamaa!" yell at the little boy while crying.

It turned out that the source of his voice came from the little boy I had observed before I fell asleep. Gus Faiz approached the boy. This should be a good time for me to leave. But why I don't want to go. It was curious to know what Gus Faiz would do to the boy.

Gus Faiz carried the boy. In my heart I felt something rustling in there. Gus Faiz really looks like the perfect husband-to-be.

I hurriedly realized. I can't get crushed by it anymore.

"Za, why are you crying?" gus Faiz asked as he wiped the child's tears.

Instead of telling the boy named Za to shut up, she asked him why Za was crying.

"Za, want to sample om, but Za fell" said Za while crying, but not as hysterical as earlier, although still as unwilling.

"It's okay, next time be careful, let's not fall again" said Gus Faiz, while cleaning the dirty knees and hands of Za.

Fortunately this field is still dirt and grass so I'm not injured. I sit back. Forgetting my frustration at Gus Faiz.

"No need to cry anymore, yes, later if Za cries the devil laughs. Za, don't you want the devil to laugh?" said Gus Faiz.

Za nodded. Her crying began to completely subside. Miraculous.

The corner of my lips smiled at Gus Faiz and his nephew. It seems that Za is indeed a nephew of Gus Faiz because in addition to Za calling Gus Faiz with the name om, he also looks familiar with Gus Faiz. All I know is Gus Faiz doesn't have a sister. So, maybe Za's older cousin's son who knows which.

He took Za to sit next to me. I can't say that he's actually sitting next to me because we're a little over a meter away. He really is a Gus.

"Where is there evidence?" as usual, he did not look at me. His eyes kept straight ahead.

"truly says. Don't know where." I said.

"meaning?" tanyanya did not understand.

"The only proof is my ATM balance. But I don't know where my ATM is missing" I said.

Suddenly I realized that I and Gus Faiz were still enemies. Then I decided to stand up. Angry-willed. But my eyes met Za's eyes. I cannot speak harsh words in front of a child.

"We're not okay" I said. I hurried off.

"Big Brother!" shout Za.

I'm turning. Gus Faiz was confused. He's just like me. Waiting for what Za will say.

Za put her mouth out. I don't get it

"Sister, it wasn't like this" he said, shaking his face.

I understood the direction of his words. He was looking for me when he was dreaming. I felt my cheeks hot from embarrassment.

I just smiled at Za and ran away. I don't know and I don't want to see Gus Faiz's expression. Really am.