Holy Prison

PS 37 - Shadow of Inspiration 2

***

“Ilham, where are you going?” my many.

I followed the steps of Inspiration which was getting away. Since when have I used you to inspire? I don't give a shit. All I have in mind right now is the inspiration that is getting away there.

“Ilham, wait!” my yelling.

I hurriedly ran. Holding hands. I hurriedly stood before him. Looking at the face I always missed. My pal. He was my best friend. Who often doubles as my mother, my father, and my older brother. Her feelings for me are as sincere as I am for her.

“Where are you? Once you leave your best friend alone. I want to be with you, you know? After you left I just wanted to end my life." I said softly.

I think there's something weird about my style. Ignore everything. The kunanti is the answer from the lips of Inspiration.

“You are not alone.” said Ilham, smiling and wiping the top of my head covered with my pink lacy face. “Allah is still with you.” he continued.

My tongue. Speakless. God is still with me, familiar words in my ears.

I plan to answer the words of Ilham but where does one come from.

“Nindy, I'm sorry, really I never intended to hurt you.” I turned my head. Gus Faiz is there.

I smiled cynically. Even when with Ilham, he still appears from nowhere. After that betrayal I hated him so much. Really am. There's nothing I hate more than him.

“But the proof is that you still hurt me. You liar. Ilham please. I don't want to see him anymore. He's the evil man of Inspiration. He's a human.” I said. My tears are hard again. I don't want to meet him. I flailed Ilham's chest.

“He was evil, Ilham.” I said sobbing again.

“Pardon him.” said Ilham while wiping away my tears.

“For what do I forgive him?” I said.

“He's not evil Nindy, trust me he means well. Forgive her. Is not Allah Most Forgiving? Why can't we forgive others' mistakes?” Ilham. Crying ceased.

“You want me to forgive him?” my many. Ilham nodded. “Show me who you mean to love me away from you love me.” I said.

“Close to him and forgive him.” says Ilham. There was a subtle pushy tone in it.

“But you haven't answered.” My words were cut Ilham through the look in his eyes. Until this moment I cannot refute the words of Inspiration. “Alright.” I said start approaching Gus Faiz. I closed my eyes.

"But I want you to promise" said Ilham.

"What?" ask Ilham.

"You can't go anywhere. As long as I'm with her." I said.

"I'm always around you" he said, pointing at the silver bracelet he gave.

I nodded and began to approach Gus Faiz.

I can't believe Gus Faiz just hugged me. The comfort came again. That strange taste rules my soul. I forgot how to hate. But on one side Ilham started to move away.

“Ilham! Where are you going? Don't leave me Ilham!” I said as I let go of my embrace to Gus Faiz.

Inspiration continued to walk while smiling meaningfully at me as well as Gus Faiz. I was about to pursue Inspiration there but my hand was blocked by Gus Faiz. So I can only cry.

“Ilham, don't goii!” my yelling.

Gus Faiz brought me back to his arms.

***

"Ilham. Don'tgo. I beg Ilham. Inspiration!" my yelling.

I felt my cheeks wet. No. gabe. I have to meet Ilham. My dream must mean I have to meet her. He's not going anywhere.

“Mbak, Mbak don't cry anymore, Mbak.” voices Farha and Arum. Farha wiped my tears on the cheek. Now I really open my eyes. The first thing I saw was the ceiling. As I circulated my gaze I saw the santri-santri of the room sitting around me. They seem very worried about me.

"Where is Ilham?" my many.

"Ilham?" ask Arum. Face thinks.

“Anu, Mbak, Drink first, Mbak.” said Arum, while giving warm water in the glass. I shook weakly.

"Ilham." I said.

“Mbak, really shoots, take medicine first yes, Mbak” said Nafiz. I just shook my head.

"Ilham." I said again.

“Mbak eat rice first, cancel the fast” said Farha. His eyes were still red, maybe he had finished crying. If I wasn't like this, I would be very happy to break my fast. This time my appetite was gone.

"Ilham." I said.

"Sir, would you like to meet Mas Ilham?" chirps Arum.

I looked at Arum and nodded steadily.

"But Ma'am eat first huh?" said Arum.

I'm shaking. I'm sure he's just lying. "Lied" he said.

"So soon, Ma'am" said Arum.

"Mbak-Mbak, here!" said Arum.

They all surround Arum. Only Nafiz was left beside me. What conversations they were talking about, I don't know because they use Javanese.

"Makane sampe kedeleleng ding manager."

I just shut up. The view of the ceiling is still so much fun than listening to words I don't understand.

"Mom, drink yes?" Nafiz.

I shook weakly. I remembered the dream earlier. Why didn't Inspiration really come into my real world? I also thought about what he meant by telling me to forgive Gus Faiz. What a strange dream. I stared at my beloved bracelet.

Santri's room is back around me again. Santri-santri started breaking my daydream. They purposely invited me to talk. They told me to cancel my satisfaction. Told me to eat rice and take medicine with warm water, all of which have been prepared completely by who must be the person who has prepared everything is my roommates.

But I still shake.

Shortly thereafter, the sound of an announcement was heard. They all say goodbye to me to go njai. And apologized to me because they couldn't take care of me. Farha is now beside me. Farha was already allowed by the manager to accompany me.

I feel so cold. Farha added the number of blankets that were now wrapping around my body. Then sit down again beside me.

“Mbak Nindy, need something?” ask Farha.

I'm shaking. Then I started to struggle with my thoughts again. Dream weird. Really weird. Why did you just show up to my dream, Ilham? Why is Gus Faiz there? I closed my eyes hoping I could fall asleep.

Farha opened the book she used to memorize. He went back to memorizing. It's already the line to how rote it is now. I used to ask if he was not tired of feeling in this place? The answer is always consistent, no. Because her parents were expecting Farha to become a ustazah. The hope he saw in the eyes of his two parents was what kept him alive until now.

I still can't believe he lied to me. I remember very well our times together. He was so patient, despite repeatedly asking me trivial things. For example, I once asked if she also used to feel unable to eat because her neck felt suffocated when wearing a hijab? Especially with the wrong pentul needle a little can make the neck skin punctured. He just smiled and nodded, saying it only lasted a while, if it had been used for a long time.

Many things Farha told me even though I never returned to tell her about my life.

“Mbak, still cold?” asked Farha. she stopped her memorizing event. Then he took 1 strand of blankets of children's rooms that have been neatly arranged in the corner of the room and enveloped me. I'm still quiet. It feels like my voice has been eaten by the club of my heart.