Holy Prison

PS 60 - Truth

I didn't say thank you even though she put me on that silver bracelet. He looked at the bracelet. My chest rippled. My heart is beating fast.

"Well, I don't know if this is the right time. But there is something I really want to say" said Gus Faiz.

My heart is beating faster. I started thinking about possibilities. Gus Faiz wants to re-express his feelings to me.

"About what?" my many.

"Your family" said Gus Faiz.

I'm hissing. How many times do I have to face the fact that my expectations are too high. After all how could a Gus Faiz express feelings for me?

By Allah, I am not lying. I really love you with all my heart. I don't want you to go far away from me. I beg you, An. Come back to me. You're the only girl I love besides Umi. I beg! Come back to me! I beg you!- Gus Faiz's voice in my mind.

I shook my head slowly. That statement of love seemed to be just an attempt to prevent me from leaving. The proof is that he never mentioned his love statement.

“Egois.” is just that word that came out of Gus Faiz's lips. I suddenly looked up.

Looks like Gus Faiz misunderstood my belt. Though I shook my head to remove the sound of his love statement from my head. However, I can't tell Gus Faiz the truth. I don't want to embarrass myself.

“The selfish ones are elo, Papa, Mama, and Kak Ulfa.” I said.

“The most selfish is you.” said Gus Faiz.

“Gue is not selfish!” my yelling. I don't accept being selfish.

My head is throbbing, it hurts. I can't give up. No matter what happens I cannot be weak or give in to my aching head.

"If selfish is not the right word, try to say what is called the person who always feels himself suffering the most. Without seeing the suffering of others who are far from themselves?" ask Gus Faiz.

“Oh, do you believe them? Belain Papa same Mama who threw me that? Agree the same attitude Papa slapped me many times?” I said. Fires of anger.

“Your father is wrong. But for the trouble of those who dump you, you're mistaken. They just want you to change.” said Gus Faiz.

“My client changed? Do I have to go to a school where when everyone talks I don't know what it means? Pesantren far from them?” my many.

“You know our parents are friends? Because it is friendly, so your mother asked your father to put you in the Abah boarding school, so that he could keep watching you through Umi. If you want to know, both of your parents are really watching you every day on Abah and Umi's phone. Because you are afraid to be alone, your mother even asked Umi to find a good and patient friend to face you. Until finally Umi chose Farha" said Gus Faiz.

“So? Farha really-on the mail?” my voice is stuck in my throat. I thought he was being sincere all along. And this time I really thought no one was sincere with me.

“At first Farha was just a messenger but look how she trusted you so much when Supri's money went missing, she was really sincere, An." said Gus Faiz.

I tried to remember everything Farha had done for me. He is the one who is always there, the one who is always worried about me, the one who never wants to leave me alone, the one who believes in me, and the one who teaches me so much. Suddenly my eyes were hot. I hurriedly looked up, afraid of my tears coming down.

"Where is Arum?" my many. Since I was close to Arum recently, I also asked Gus Faiz about this.

"Arum?" tanyakanya. Gus Faiz seemed to think. "Who's Arum?" tanyakanya. Looks like Gus Faiz doesn't know Arum.

"Lo, don't know?" my many.

"I remember you never told Arum" said Gus Faiz.

It turns out Arum was sincere with me. It's only fitting that he doesn't understand anything when Farha is scared to see me meet with Sister Ulfa.

“What is the same as Ulfa? Why has he never taken me?” my many.

“He has his own way to defend you, An. It was actually your brother who found the ATM card. It's just that she was afraid that you might have mistaken her, so she gave Farha the ATM card. This is just one example. There's a lot more. Trust me he's always standing up for you, An, behind you" Gus Faiz said.

I recalled how Ulfa's sister always wanted to say something to me but I never listened to her. Could it be that all my defense has been blinded by jealousy because I am constantly being compared to him?

My tears just fell. All Gus Faiz's words if I rethink them all make sense. I'm trying to dig up more truth than Gus Faiz.

"Mama?" the Tanyaku Gus Faiz.

"It seems that you understand your true feelings better. You remember clearly yesterday when you lost your memory, right?" ask Gus Faiz.

"When do you know my memory has come back?" my many.

"After taking you from the front of Musala" he said.

It seems like when my memories come back, even though I don't explain them to everyone. By looking at my attitude, everyone knows that my memories are back.

“Where are Papa?” my many. There was pain when I asked Papa.

“Papa you are wrong for slapping you. But since yesterday you were in an accident, he regretted what he did. His heart also hurts, even until now your father still continues to blame himself.” he asked.

I began to think about whether this time Gus Faiz was telling the truth. I looked into his eyes. If it's true that Papa blames himself shouldn't Papa come and explain it directly?

"Do you know why your father hasn't seen you so far?" ask Gus Faiz.

I'm shaking. "Maybe you don't want to see me as a child" I said.

"No, An. Your father is here. He did not dare to meet you. He constantly blames himself and does not want to eat. I can take you to him if you don't believe me." said Gus Faiz.

My tears are really flowing now. My head is back beating. I put my face between my knees. Started banging my head on the back of blaming myself. Why am I so blind to the truth?

I can't deny the words of Gus Faiz anymore. Everything I described Faiz was absolutely stark.

O Allah. Ii'm sorry. Ii'm sorry. I am the one who defiles my ramadan, even my family. Forgive me, O God. - I cried in my heart.

"Sttt, it's been, An." said Gus Faiz. He held my hand so I couldn't hurt myself anymore.

“A-I'm stupid, Gus.” I said. “Why can't I squirm all that?” continued again. My thoughts continued to echo through the room.

“You still have time to fix everything, An." said Gus Faiz with a sweet smile.

My reflexes were holding her so tightly. “I'm sorry, Gus.” I said. I cried in his arms. I felt dejavu again. While the man who was in my arms stiffened. He just patted my shoulder.

“Please forgive Allah, An. Then apologize both your parents and your brother.” said Gus Faiz.

Gus Faiz escaped from my arms. I was misbehaving. “Sorry.” I said not feeling good.

"Come, fix everything from now on, An.” said Gus Faiz.

I'm nodding.

“For a while yes, I called them first.” said Gus Faiz. Then stand up to move.

“Wait!” I said.

He raised an eyebrow, “What's up?”

“I'm so ugly if I cry?” I said while wiping my tears with my palm.

“Whatever your circumstances, you are beautiful in my eyes.” said Gus Faiz. Then start moving.

Did I not hear wrong? My face is getting hot. My smile is unbearable. Why does what he does always make me smile?

"Wait!" I said, hold it again.

He turned his body again

"Why do you have to clear this up, Gus?" my many.

"Aren't I the only one who can melt your heart?" tanyakanya.

I can't speak anymore. My cheeks are hot, really hot. Sucks.