Holy Prison

PS 36 - Shadow of Inspiration 1

Honestly, I'm very confused. My mind began to be filled with the question of whether Farha was really involved with this, and also really wanted to know how far Farha was involved. But my mind said that I did not want to be sure because I was afraid of the truth that I would get was not in line with expectations.

If Farha is involved. I don't know what to say. I am too cowardly to know the truth, for to me one truth will lead me to other truths.

At a time like this I remember Inspiration. I remember my last meeting with him.

***

"Why, Lo?" ask Inspiration one day. Every time I have a problem at home, I always call him to come to a cafe.

"Regular. The less I feel at home." I told him. On appeal to complain to Revan, I still much prefer to complain to Ilham.

"Udah you are patient. Maybe they are so because of your love. Maybe they are confused about how to express their feelings" he said. These are the same words every time I complain to her. Though the answer is always the same, but I always hard to hear these words. These words have always kept me at home.

"I'm not interested in you ah. That's my advice." I said.

He just chuckles.

"Partially, if that form of affection is reviled, coined, hurt, it is not considered. I don't want anyone to love me." I said.

"Hus, by the way. No one really loves you" he said.

"There's an elo." I said.

"Ngerepotin" he said with a laugh.

"Eh, why does your advice never change? That's a mulu feeling." I asked

"Gue knows you're strong enough to survive, Nin" he said.

"Lo, don't you think it's the same as me?" I said while pursing my lips.

"No. Haha." He said while laughing. I know he's kidding.

I threw it in with a used tissue. He quickly dodged.

"Gue only has lo, Ham." I said.

"There is still Him" he said, pointing upward.

"Not cool." I said.

"Gue knows how you feel. I know you've tried everything to let things go back to normal. Honestly, I never condone the actions of your parents. Only, if I even pumped lo, you would have left. I'll be troubled." he said, chuckling.

"That's a hell of a bitch." I said.

"This by the way, Si Revan know you met me?" ask Ilham.

"Hahahaha not." I said laughing. "Let's just say it, make it hard with him."

"Gue told me to break up too" said Ilham.

"He loves me so much, Ham." I said.

"Who said? Look at the belangnya also looks like." said Ilham.

"Don't dong. My boyfriend." I said defend Revan.

"Now, take it" he said. Pouring the silver box.

"Lo's asking me again?" I said while laughing.

"Yes, I'm looking for you again. Make my friend" he said.

"Sue. Why not do it. Wait for us so I'm-a-concert. Ih, kiyut." I said.

"Lo wants an honest answer what a lie?" tanyakanya.

"Lied dong." I said.

We laugh again. He didn't answer me nor did he intend to charge an answer. I opened the box. It's a silver bracelet. "Gee!" I said.

"I'm using this" he said. Then put that bracelet on my right wrist.

"Ih, funny. Thanks yak." I said.

"It's not from me" he said again. "From my friend."

He just nodded steadily.

"Gue's curious, Ham. This time it was like this. I usually go out with someone who always tells me to break up. Why do you even want to know me to Temen Lo?" my many.

"Tell me you don't know the age" he said curiously.

"Ulus. I don't like it when I joke it's like that." I said.

"Lha, really. Or I married the artist no one knows" he said, joking.

"Oh, that. My intention is to leave me." I said, annoyed. "Anyway yes, Ham. I just want to be the same. Deket sama lo. I don't need anyone else, Ham. As long as there's lo, I'm enough."

"Due, I feel again shot by a barbarian chick. Hahahaha." he said again.

"Damn. Anyway if you marry the same artist I want to stay at your house." I said.

"There was only one wedding day that I was divorced" he said.

"Yes biarin. Anyway I want the same lo doang point." I said.

"I was astonished" he said.

"Let's." I said. "Eh, storyline temen lo dong. No gangs?" I said.

"Beauty-please. Look at me." he said.

"Hueeek." I pretended to be nauseous. She laughs.

"There are two of them. They're both good. But his style is just the opposite. I will know him sometime" he said.

Suddenly his phone rang. Inspiration picks up the phone. His face is different now.

"Gue has to go" he said.

"Where?" tanyakanya.

Suddenly he kissed my head. "As long as I'm gone, take good care of yourself" he said.

This is his first time like this. I became riled up. Really like someone who wants to say goodbye.

***

This is the first time I have cried since the passing of my best friend Ilham. The owner of the silver bracelet still perched sweetly in my right hand, the source of my strength and my weakness.

Why did you just leave, Ilham? Why did everyone say you were dead? That's not true, is it? Come to me Inspiration, please pick me up here.

If only I had not been late by then, if Mama had not locked me in my room when I wanted to see Ilham, if only Ulfa had defended me when I asked permission to leave, if only my father would listen to my words, and would trust his youngest daughter who is also his daughter. This is not all going to happen.

I will not be banished to this boarding school, will not meet with evil men like Gus Faiz, will not fall in love with him, will not embarrass myself, and will not be lied to all.

Now, my head could only go around in circles around this thought. The most painful lie in my life.

Come to think of it I really am a stupid girl. A really stupid girl. I feel like I no longer have a face because I am so ashamed to admit that I contributed to hurting myself. My goal is to trust everyone I think is good.

If I hadn't been influenced by anyone, even Gus Faiz, I would have been happy. Nothing shook my suicidal intentions from the clothesline, nobody took my knife while slashing my wrist, there's nothing stopping me from going to the boarding school and there's no pain from lying.

I knew Ulfa was here. I'm determined to trust no one but Aaron. Aaron looks though handsome stylish indeed urakan, but natural. No hypocrite. It turned out that the mysterious santri who often followed me was Brother Ulfa. That means he knows how I'm changing and how I'm reacting in his trap. If Sister Ulfa knows everything, I guarantee that Mama and Papa will know too. I flushed my body again.

Stupid!- I shouted.

My issues are becoming more and more.

“Mbak Nindy, open the door Ma'am, Mbak can get sick if you keep going inside.” said Farha.

Inspiration, you say I will find someone who will be where I lean other than you, someone who can always be trusted and love me more than you love. But where is the evidence? When I started to trust someone whose characteristics were the same as you described in your previous interview, he betrayed. He cannot keep my feelings, cannot be trusted, cannot fulfill my desires, does not understand me, and clearly does not have the taste that you exalt.

“Mbak Nindy, open the door!" farha.

I feel the air getting colder. Body shivers. And fresh blood started coming out of my nose. I started clogging him so as not to come out more and more. My head is getting dizzy.

“Mbak, I beg you, open the door!" farha said outside.

I don't want to go out. I hugged my body which was getting cold. Until I lost consciousness.