Holy Prison

PS 11 - Fainting Again

I blinked my eyes. I began to see a ceiling that looked familiar. Now I remember, it turns out I went back to the room, the room I was in before I went to the dress shop. I looked to the right and to the left looking for Farha's whereabouts. Once again when I woke up he wasn't by my side. Ah, yasudah. I tried to get up, but I fell back on my back because my stomach hurt so much.

“Arghhh!” erang slowly.

“Just rest.” that sound again. The voice of the person who if not mistakenly remembered is referred to as ‘Gus Faiz’ by Farha.

Come to think of it as quite strange. This time I heard the name Gus Faiz. Faiz is a lot but for ‘Gus’ there seems to be none. What ‘Gus’ is an abbreviation? From agus? His name must be Agus Faiz. Because it's too long to be shortened to Gus Faiz. I feel like I want to laugh. But unfortunately just to talk a little I have trouble.

“Eh, I Nindy” said. While extending my hand. As quietly as possible. Usually every time I put a friendly look like this, everyone will be more friendly to me. In this way, hopefully this Gus Faiz will be close to me and willing to get me out of this prison.

Gus Faiz looked at my hand that was still hanging in the air weakly. Because I never got a reply my hand fell.

“Faiz, Ma'am." she replied by putting her palms together in front of her chest. Without looking at me at all.

THE GUBRAKK!

I forgot one thing. About the mahram-mahram. Didn't we meet? We should have been mahram. Why did he remain untouched like that? It turns out that at any time, we will never be the same. Look, acquaintances are just like this. What about later when you want to negotiate something? It looks like we have to wear mosque toa to be far apart but the voice is still heard. Being around him really frustrates me. Are all the men here behaving like that? He's not the only one who thinks I'm a virus. Just watch.

“My name is Nindy, don't call me ‘Mbak’ like people. After all, you must also be older than me.” I said. He's nodding. And then gave me a new and complete meal with medicine and water.

Without saying a word, he left. It feels like it would be really nice to hit him using this buffer. Haven't left the room yet (Why do I feel like a husband and wife? Ah, otaku must have gone crazy), umi came in

“Wait, Faiz. Umi would like to introduce Nindy.” said Umi.

Umi does not call Faiz by name ‘Gus’ Faiz. I wonder why that is so. Is it possible ‘Gus’ is a beloved name? But Umi does not call him that, it is impossible if Umi does not love her child. Waitaminute! The kid? Gus Faiz is Umi's son.

“Nindy, this son of Umi his name is Faiz.” said Umi.

I grimaced in my heart. The opportunity is completely gone. I'm sure none of Kyai's children would want to help people commit suicide. Shit, shit, shit. Damn right.

“Lho, he's Umi's son?” my many. He was at Umi's house, of course he was her son. Why am I just realizing this?

Umi smiled, “Iya this son of Umi his name is Faiz.” he said.

“Kok no august, Umi?” my many.

“Means?” ask Umi.

At his place I saw Gus Faiz smiling in the other direction. No, it was not a smile but the state of someone who was holding back his laughter. What is wrong with my words? I glanced at Umi, the young man laughed gracefully while closing his mouth.

“Hahaha, you're so funny, Nindy. Gus is not an abbreviation of Agus. Gus is a kind of name for the son of a Kyai, because your friends know that Gus Faiz is the son of Abah, so they call him that.” said Umi.

I nod my head. To the stupidity I have done. Just try I asked Farha, surely my image will not be bad like this. Duh, I don't want to get the 'oon' predicate'.

“Umi, Faiz out first.” says Gus Faiz. After being responded by Umi, Gus Faiz came out. Of all the people I know in this boarding school. He's the only one who doesn't have medok accents like people.

“Sini, let Umi feed.” says Umi.

“Eh, no need Umi, Nindy can be alone kok.” I said.

This time, Umi was a little pushy. I compare my current situation with my home situation. In the past, at home I was never fed by my mother. When sick, let alone be fed, bought medicine was not, it was often said I pretended to be sick.

“Nindy, why? How quiet?” ask Umi. His face showed concern. I smiled bitterly in my heart. Why should someone else care and worry about me. Not my family, not my mom.

“Gakpapa, Umi.” I said. If Umi were my mother, I would be the happiest child in the world.

“O yes, earlier mama you called Umi, she said you don't want to talk to your mama, is that right, Nak?” asked Umi, after bribing me some bribes.

Hearing the name of the mother called, I again realized the hope I thought was just empty hope without being able to materialize, however. Hope that I can only call mere wishful thinking because it is always deadlocked.

I lost my appetite. I nodded in response to Umi's words. My heart says I can't lie to him. Hopefully my nod will explain enough that I don't want to talk to my mom. If possible, it could also explain that I don't want to be in touch with my family anymore. Whoever it is. Let's say I'm selfish, but I really don't care.

Umi was about to bribe me again but I politely declined her. “Nindy full, Umi.” I said.

Mama again. Was my family actually putting me in jail here? Is it not enough to just put me here and no longer interfere in all my business? Can't I just be allowed to live in peace as I wish.

If people call it a form of love. I don't agree. There is no affection that throws away a loved one. None of the affection that always suppresses, cornered and blames a loved one. If any form of affection is compared, alienated, discarded, hated, scolded, and hurt, even if all I say falls into the category of affection, I do not want to accept it. I don't need. Even I would be happy if anyone took that affection from my body.

Why is it so hard to be at peace with pain, Lord?

I kept repeating that sentence until I felt like I really felt an unbearable tightness. It hurts so much that tears can no longer translate what pain is, what pain is, and what disappointment is.