Holy Prison

PS2 70 - Empty Memory

“Nak, come out for a minute.” someone said.

I'm turning. I recognize that voice. It was Mama's voice.

“Mama?” my many.

The man who claimed my husband was no longer there. I saw my mother walking towards me. I hurriedly ran towards Mama and kowtowed at her feet.

“Mama. Ii'm sorry. I've been tarnished. I have been stained.” I said as I roared hugging Mama's feet.

“I'm sorry. Forgive me for not being able to take care of myself.” I said.

I really don't remember what happened. I just remember the incident. Someone touched me indecently.

“Wake, Son. Wake up.” said Mama she was crying. I don't want to wake up.

I really don't want to wake up, I feel like I don't deserve to be Mama's son anymore. I never really wanted to be a disgrace to my mother's family.

“I have sinned.” I said back crying.

“No, Son. No.” says Mama.

Mama hugged me. I hugged him tightly.

Shortly after, a female doctor came into the room.

“Bu, please leave us first for a while yes.” said the Doctor.

“Good, Doc.” says Doctor.

“No, Doctor. Let your mom be with me. I'm afraid the man is coming!” seruku panic.

I fear. Really scared. I was afraid that the man would come and do such a terrible thing as before.

I began to roar until three sisters came and injected me with something and I went back to sleep and remembered nothing.

***

I opened my eyes. I didn't find anyone in this room. However, I faintly heard someone's conversation.

“Please, Son Faiz. Please release Ulfa.” Mama's voice.

“Sorry, Mom. I will not release him. Look what he has done. I will not release it.” said someone.

“Who Ulfa and who is Faiz?” ask me to myself. Is he that guy?

I forced myself to sit and lean on the edge of the bed. I'm still in the hospital. I'm very disappointed. I want to go home.

I looked to the right and to the left, starting to feel fear again. I felt again scared. I put myself back in the blanket. Not really drowning, I just pulled it up the chest.

Someone opened the door to my room. I hurriedly closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I don't know who's coming.

Suddenly I felt someone grab my hand and kiss her for a long time. My back is wet. Looks like someone's crying. I opened my eyes and found a man holding my hand.

My reflexes took my hand off her. And curled up in fear. “Go!” seruku told him to leave.

“It's me, An.” said.

I covered my ears. I feel my head hurt so much. I also began to become unconscious.

***

Later in the afternoon I was allowed to go home. After all, in the hospital I was only visited by doctors who kept asking this and that. He's a psychologist. That's what he said. It seems that since the abuse incident I have had a slight mental health disorder.

My fear has reduced a lot after frequent consultations and therapy given by the doctor. I'm not usually concerned. The man who could approach and drive never came again. How do I feel he's not a bad guy. I began to wonder it seemed like he had given up on approaching me. Let it. He seems to be hurting me.

Someone knocked on the door. And the door opens. A couple entered my room. Their faces were not familiar but I could not remember them clearly.

“Assalamualaikum.” their regards.

“Waalaikumsalam.” I said.

They smile. I smiled back.

“This is Umi and Abah. Do you remember us, son?” ask Umi.

I'm shaking. “No..” I said.

“It's okay, Honey. Can Umi hug you?” ask Umi.

“How are you doing, Son?” ask Abah.

“I'm healthy, Abah. Later in the afternoon I can go home.” I said.

“Thank God. You are healthy, Nak.” Abah said.

“Iya, Abah. Nindy's healthy, hehe.” I said grinning a horse.

“Change to the outside first yes.” says Abah.

Me and Umi nodded. Umi and I are now. Umi looked at me inside.

“Does anyone want Umi to tell me?” my many.

“Where are your Mom and Dad, Son?” ask Umi.

“Oh, Mama and Papa said they were having business. So, for a while I'm alone here. Later in the afternoon they will come again.” I said.

Umi nodded.

“You want to take a walk with Umi, Son?” ask Umi.

“Really?” my many.

Umi nodded. “Come, get out of the room, we take a walk for a while.” said Umi.

“Ayo, Umi.” I said excited.

Whoever Umi is in my life. I believe Umi is a good person. Umi helped me get out of bed even though I could do it myself. Kamip walked. Towards the hospital park.

We both sat in the park.

“I really miss the morning sun, Umi.” I said smiling happily.

“Umi is very happy to see you can be this happy.” said Umi. “I'm sorry Umi, Son. Because it just came after that incident.” Umi said.

Hearing the words of the incident I came back sad. I remember how that terrible thing happened to you. “I've been tainted, Umi.” I said. I covered my face with my palm.

“I am a sinner. Is Allah willing to forgive me who has touched the evil man?” my many.

“Of course, Son. After all you are not a sinner, it is the criminal who did that to you. Criminals are the real sinners.” said Umi.

I wept. Umi hugged me. “You're a good boy, son.” Umi said.

I also let go of Umi's embrace and re-regulated my breathing and emotions. Doctor Maria said, I need to be more in control of my emotions. I can exhale and throw it away when my sadness returns. A simple way to neutralize my emotions.

Suddenly I found a man who used to come to my room often. She was with a boy beside her, the boy was crying. He tried to silence the little boy next to him. It seemed that he did not know how to silence the little boy.

He was sitting behind me. Even from behind why I recognize him so much.

“After Umi.” I said.

I'm rising. Approaching him. I wanted to apologize to him.

The man was still focused on silencing the little boy.

“Jagoan Papa don't cry anymore yes.” says the man. The child next to him was his son.

“Hai..” I said standing in front of him.

She's surprised.

“Mamama..” The little boy stretched out his hand asking me to carry him.

I immediately grabbed the little boy and kissed his right and left cheeks. Why do I feel love for this child. After kissing her, the boy was silent.

“Other times, if your child cries try to carry it, later he is silent.” I said with a smile.

He was stunned to see me. I saw a single tear roll from the end of his eye. He hurriedly wiped it off then nodded.

“What is this wound because of me?” my many.

I touched his forehead which still left a scar there. He just shut up. Her tears came out again, again she wiped her face.

Just when I touched his forehead suddenly my old memory swirled in my head. My head is now filled with fragments of memory that I do not know where it came from.

I fell too. The man held me and his son tight. I saw Umi take the child still in my arms, then the man grabbed my body and carried me until I fainted again.