Holy Prison

PS 32 - Dilemma

I started thinking about the letter. The contents of the letter containing the little boy named Aaron want to help me. From his letters and words yesterday it seemed like he already knew me, long before I got into this boarding school. He must be one of my friends in Jakarta.

Thinking about this I was confused. I feel like I'm really in a dilemma with what happened. If only he had come sooner than I thought. I must have heeded his offer.

"Far.." I called Farha.

Farha's approaching. I am currently outside the room. Put my hands on the wall

"Why, Mommy?" tanyakanya.

"Empire of ideals?" my many.

"Have it, Ma'am" said Farha.

"What?" my many.

"I used to be a nurse, Mom. Enter SMK treatment. But I was told to go to the boarding school, Ma'am. Because of the request of my parents so I obey, Ma'am." said Farha.

"I suppose suddenly you were offered to enter SMK Nurse with your parents, you want." I said.

"You, Ma'am. Heheh. I want to be that" said Farha.

"How is the pesantren?" my many.

He kept quiet, "I don't know, Ma'am. I'm confused hehe. On the one hand I really want to be a nurse on the other hand I'm very comfortable here" she said.

"Yes, Far. This is a very difficult choice" I said.

"You mean, Mommy?" tanyakanya.

I can only shake. Lazy recount.

I understand exactly what Farha felt. For I feel the same way as I try to compare with his will. Something that was very wanted to achieve but when the opportunity came we were in the comfort zone. It's cozy.

When it comes to choosing between purpose and comfort. We must be very confused, the dilemma must choose which one. Whether we're going back to chasing something uncertain or we're going to be back in the safe zone.

Now what do I do? - I ask myself

I really need time to think. I decided to get out of the cottage. Before I came out I brought a notebook of money I cut it into 3 parts. I brought the piece of the book one and the pen, and hid it in my pocket.

I'm out of the cottage. Not necessarily direction. No, I mean, my direction is just to a quiet place to write but I don't know where to go. I need a place to write. For me, writing is one of the most powerful ways to entertain the heart and find a way. Although there is no guarantee that I will get a way out but every time I write I get a little enlightenment.

I write in an empty classroom. However, unlike the usual I did not get any enlightenment after writing. I am thinking more about choices. Feeling stuck. I also decided to go out.

How huh? But what about Gus Faiz.

Damnit. I thought about Gus Faiz. It seems to be the effect of the punishment. I started to blame myself. Feeling wrong for being involved with Gus Faiz. If only I had not been involved with anyone, I would definitely not have felt this kind of dilemma.

The blurred choice was already in sight. I don't have to bother looking for a way to escape. But something's up there. I think the path I took was wrong. It's wrong that I actually accepted the offer of a strange santri named Aaron.

BUGG!

I hit someone's back. Until it almost fell. Someone turned his head then I hurriedly pulled his clothes from the front so as not to fall. Fortunately, he did not fall, he was strong even though he had a short time.

Long live! - I cried in my heart.

BRETT! Torn sound.

"God! S-sorry, sorry!" I said. Shame is half dead.

He hurriedly took a few steps back as I was about to hold his torn cocoon on the front. I hurried to my senses and lowered my hand.

"Sorry." I said giving a misguided look.

Imagining her torn clothes I smiled. It feels like laughing.

"Tearing people's clothes into the funny category huh?" said.

Since there was nothing I could do for her clothes, I hurried to leave. It's really embarrassing. Until I dare not see his face.

We are about 2 meters away now. It seemed like he was observing my movements, I began to be embarrassed. My clothes are complete.

“Where to?” tanyakanya.

“Mau to.." I hung up my words, had no answer to his question.

“Gue uh means I go first.” I said. I started to push my feet to step.

"My question has not been answered" he said.

"You go." I said.

Beyond my expectations Gus Faiz blocked my path.

"Yes, where?" tanyakanya.

"Bawel." chirps me, tadpole.

He chuckles.

“Don't be affected by Aaron,” says Gus Faiz. “Ignore him.”.

I'm staring. Find out how he found out about Aaron.

“Lo I mean uh I'm aish, know where?” my many.

I'm used to using me-you with Farha now but why in front of Gus Faiz is it so hard?

"Then he gave you a letter, didn't he?" tanyakanya.

"You see?" my many.

He's nodding.

I nodded back. I held my hand, confused as to what to do. He's blocking my way, like there's something he wants to say.

"I don't know what it is, but I hope you don't falter. I like you now. Much better" he said.

The deg!

I feel my cheeks getting hot. Pimply. He is not expressing love. Why now my stomach feels tickling and my heart is pounding.

I'm still down. Hiding everything. Why I smile. I feel very happy.

“By asking many questions?” ask me in the end.

“You want what?” tanyakanya.

“Why are you always near me? I mean, we meet often, you often nolongin me, punished because of me. Is that just a coincidence?” my many.

Gus Faiz replied that a son Abdi Ndalem Abah had come to him. And there was a conversation with the Javanese language that was still difficult for me to understand. But from the movements I know that this Abdi Ndalem Abah came to call Gus Faiz.

“An, I have to go. Stay like this. Don't betray your achievements to this day" said Gus Faiz.

I'm nodding.

I glanced at a glance. The Abdi Ndalem looked at me. I'm being uncomfortable.

Gus Faiz hurriedly closed the eyes of the santri. "Heh, come!" then turned his body forcibly.

I laughed at that silly behavior.

Hearing all that Gus Faiz said, I am determined, from this moment I will begin to strengthen my heart to walk upright again to fulfill my promise to Gus Faiz and live better. Although initially only a mere fulfillment of promises, but for a long time I used to live like this even I often forget the agreement in everyday life. Here, it feels like something is keeping me calm. Why do.