Devotion of Love

Giving Up Has Boundaries

After Dirga went home to take Hana to Nissa's house. Agam and Tika decide to enter Hanif's room. Agam's mother decided to go home. Although she initially refuses, for fear that Agam and Tika have a chance both. But after Agam explained, finally Agam's mother was willing to go home. The body will not be strong if you continue to be in the hospital. The atmosphere of the hospital is not good for health. Especially for the elderly. Being in the hospital is not as comfortable as being at home.

After taking her mother home. Stop by the mini market. Agam bought some of Tika's favorite snacks and drinks. Agam knew Tika would have trouble sleeping. When in a foreign place. Therefore Agam deliberately bought something that could accompany the night Tika. Agam still remember what snacks became Tika's favorite?

At around 22:30 WIB, Agam arrived at Hanif's ward. When Agam came he saw Tika was praying. Hanif was asleep. Since entering the hospital room, Hanif's condition improved. Her fever had started to drop, not as hot as when Hanif was rushed to the hospital. About half an hour Agam waiting for Tika finished praying. Indeed, since long ago Tika used to teach after praying. So no wonder, if Tika will be long when praying.

Agam stared at Tika's back, Tika's melodious voice scoured deep into Agam's hollow heart. The heart that has been empty, without Tika the owner of the heart. Every chant of the holy verse that came out of Tika's lips. It felt soothing in the thirst of Agam's faith. Why did you break up with Tika? Making Agam further away from faith. Agam becomes a person that Tika never knew. Agam forgets the basis of his love for Agam. The basis that is now forgotten by Agam and seems to be the gap between the two.

Tika completed prayers faster than usual. She did not want Hanif to wake up and cry for her. Although Tika is aware of the existence of Agam. But Hana and Hanif will be very spoiled when they are sick. So Tika will be next to Hanif. Tika will not leave Hanif even for a moment. Agam saw Tika's great love for Hanif. But that love is no longer there for Agam.

Tika sat beside Hanif's bed. Tika placed her laptop right next to Hanif's feet. Tika deliberately busied herself, so that she did not have a chance to talk to Agam. Tika seemed reluctant to talk about something that had an answer for a long time. A question and a certainty that Tika never got.

Agam saw Tika was busy with her laptop. The same thing Agam did. Similar to Tika, Agam busied himself to resist the desire to get closer and talk with Tika. Agam saw a different figure of Tika. Tika's wiggly fingers played beautifully on her laptop. Since the laptop turned on, Tika was immediately focused and non-stop doing work. I could see how Tika had changed. His authority and responsibility turned him into another Tika. Open the Tika he used to know.

"Tika, take a break. I bought you food. Eat before going to bed, so that your stomach does not hurt. Since this afternoon you haven't eaten anything!" agam said, Tika nodded slowly.

Without looking at Agam, Tika turned off her laptop. Tika stopped her work for a moment. At first glance Tika saw the clock was very late. Worms in Tika's stomach start struggling to be fed. Tika stood up to Agam. He sat right in front of Agam. The two were very close, but an invisible abyss separated the two.

Tika took a packet of fried naso and a bottle of mineral water that Agam gave her. Tika drank only three gulps. After that Tika started eating her favorite fried rice. The atmosphere of Hanif's room felt increasingly quiet. Only occasionally did the sound of a spoon touching the plate. Tika and Agam were both silent. No one wants to start a conversation.

Tika ate the fried rice that Agam bought without saying much. There was no word of praise or insult to the food Tika brought. It was as if Tika was grateful for whatever Agam bought for her. The two were silent for a long time, devouring food without a word. Even the sound of the wall clock ticking was clearly heard.

"Aika!" call Agam, Tika looked up at Agam. At first glance Tika blinked her eyes, signaling she was paying attention to Agam.

Agam took a long breath. Tika's cold and silent attitude was able to make her freeze. There was no warmth, Tika's gaze was only as a form of respect for Agam. No Tika thought it would bring back the warmth between them. Cold and hard-hearted Tika who could never control. Maybe their story should end. The gap was too deep, time lost for two years. As if making the depths of the abyss invisible and more real.

"So, it's only been two years that you've been away from me. But those two years, can make you forget all those years together. No more love has ever existed between us. All hamua destroyed in our two years of farewell!" agam said, Tika looked down silent. He put down the fried rice he was eating.

There was no more Tika's napkin to fill her stomach. Agam's words made him remember every bittersweet memory that ever happened. Instantly the delicious fried rice tasted bland in his mouth. Grain of cooked fried rice, feels hard like stone. Tika was no longer able to chew the fried rice that was in front of her. Three mouthfuls of rice that he ate. Instantly making her full, it was as if Tika had spent a single serving of fried rice with no leftovers.

"Tika, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you lose your appetite. Please continue eating!" agam said, Tika shook her head weakly. Tika casually picked up a bottle of mineral water that Agam had brought. Tika took a sip without breathing. Agam just silently cursed his stupidity. He should have been patient waiting for a much more appropriate time.

"Always like this, whenever I feel comfortable around you. At the same time, you always made me want to stay away from you. Apologies that come from your lips. It's like a confession of your faults that you never understood. Mas Agam always felt I had to answer, but mas Agam never felt I had to make a decision!" tika said with a cynical smile, Agam lowered his head for a moment after putting down his meal.

Agam could never understand Tika's way of thinking. Even today Agam does not understand, where Tika said. Agam only knows, Tika who always wants to stay away from him. It's not Agam who never wanted to be with him.

"I don't understand what you mean. When do you feel comfortable around me? Never Tika, instead you always want to stay away from me. Two years I've been living in worry. I'm lonely without you and our kids. I'm trying to get close to you. Despite the rejection and rejection you gave me. It's like the farewell you've always wanted from our marriage!" agam's speech slightly suppressed his words.

Tika stared fixedly at Agam, a gaze that could no longer be interpreted. If you say there is no love in Tika's heart for Agam. All of that is not true. Love is still there, though not as big as it used to be. Honey is real, though not as warm as before. Tika has turned that love into another taste. Tika turns a belief in her marriage into a belief that everything will be fine.

"My comfort is there, when I can look you in the face without tears. My comfort felt, when I could sit near you without fear of getting hurt. If you feel like I want to stay away from you. You're wrong, I've never stayed away from you. It's just getting closer to something I can't possibly have. It will only make me hope without certainty!" tika said coldly, Agam shook his head weakly. Agam looked at Nilar Tika, the woman who was getting away from her hand.

"I'll never be with you. When to see your mother's tears. There will be no happiness in our home. When your mother's swearing is in the middle. I'm hurt by this breakup, but I believe I can survive. I'm sure there will be happiness for me, with you or without you. All only Allah SWT knows that!" said Tika, Agam looked at Tika with a disappointed look.

Once Tika asked Agam to leave his family. In that instant, Agam will also leave his family. But all this time Tika chose to stay away, only for the sake of Agam continue to be with his parents. Whether it's a sincerity or a stupid Tika? A wife who chooses the destruction of her household. To maintain the integrity of her husband's family.

"Again, Tika, ask me to leave my parents. In that instant I will leave them for you. If my request is too much for you. Give up and be patient for the unity of our family. Wish there was a time, where we were together forever?" agam said expectantly, Tika shook her head weakly.

Agam let out a long sigh, again and again he received a rejection from Tika. Tika's headband sign that there is no hope of the integrity of her marriage with Tika. Only farewell Tika expected. I don't know if maybe the love between them is really gone?

"I am a woman and mother of two children. There is no way I could be the reason for the destruction of the hearts of other women and mothers. As a wife maybe I was devastated, when I had to choose farewell with you. But as a mother and child, I am proud of myself. The tears I shed will not be in vain, for my tears are the reason for the smile of the mother who gave birth to you!" said Tika, Agam looked up at Tika's stern face without giving in.

"You were proud when it became the reason for Hana and Hanif's heartache. You feel right about making them grow up in a family that isn't whole!" said Agam emotion, Tika smiled knot. There was no anger that Tika showed, when Agam blamed her.

"Lantas should I ask you to stay away from the mother who gave birth to you. Should I be happy if both of your parents are sad. Hana and Hanif will not grow up in a family that is not whole. They will get your love and my love completely. Even if we don't have to be together!" tika said, then turned to look at Hanif. He stared in the same direction. There was a great sense of pain watching his son lying helplessly. Hanif became a victim of the selfishness of his parents.

"You cruel Tika, your heart hard and cold. Even in front of Hanif who was lying helplessly. You are still firm in your stance. You are selfish and arrogant, just give in for Hana and Hanif you are not willing!" agam said softly, then lowered his head weakly.

"I don't want to see Hanif do the same. Leaving me for the wife he loves. Just like you're gonna leave your mother for me. If only Hanif would do all that. There will be no more places I wish. Just like your parents would waver without you by their side!" said Tika, Agam looked at Tika with a look of surprise and surprise. The reason is right, but it hurts Agam.

"Guelling your parents is not as easy as you say. How many more times do I have to give in and take insults from them? If I were selfish and arrogant. Leave it, as long as I'm the only one crying. Not your parents or Hana and Hanif. I won't take a son from his mother and I don't want to see a son cry because of his mother. Your parents' insults to Papa and Nissa's mother. It felt so painful in my heart. The same thing I never wanted with Hana and Hanif. When I saw me insulted by your parents!" tika said, then stood closer to Hanif.

Hana stroked the little face of the son. Tika kissed Hanif's forehead gently. One tear drop Tika fell on Hanif's cheek. The pain that Tika deliberately covered from Agam. There is no happy word when parting with Agam. But survive with Agam, as if Tika can not go through.

"At least we can try to resuscitate mom. That we are happy together. If you keep going hard and don't give up. He would not even realize his mistake!" agam said, Tika shook her head weakly.

"I told you, how many more times do I have to give up? If not, who is giving up and losing? Since the first two of your parents never liked me. I still shed my tears until I have to give up and be patient again. When your mother doubted me as a childless woman. She came to flatter other women and hoped to be your wife. When I was destined to be a mother, she came back to bring a woman. He insulted the family for no apparent reason!" tika said, Agam looked down embarrassed.

Tika's words like a sharp dagger pierced the recesses of her heart. Everything that has ever happened, is real. There is nothing wrong, Tika feels the bitterness of the attitude of Agam's mother.

"Ask your heart, do I deserve to give up and be silent to your mother again? Answer with your deepest heart, what do you do to your mother? When he treated me like that. Then should I try to come back with you. If there's never been a defense for me!" said Tika.

"Sorry!" agam said, Tika shook.

"I'm sorry you could never erase all that!" said Tika cold.

"Well, if you split up as you wish. I will fulfill it!" said Agam, lirih.

"Splitting up is not my hope, but parting may be the best!" sahut Tika firmly, without looking again at Agam.