Taint

Raged

I still love you and take good care of you, unlike her.

Again Daniel's whisper was ringing in my ear. Even though it was yesterday, but seized the mind until now. I kept wondering what he meant.

"Darling, why are you sitting outside? The air is cold you know, you will catch a cold," said Kak Darren, who had been standing next to me for some time.

"To lie still, brother," I replied.

After seeing Dara's funeral, I refused to go back to the hospital, instead asking to go home and rest at home. At first, Darren did not allow it, but it finally collapsed after I asked repeatedly. The doctor actually objected because my condition has not improved. However, Darren explained at length and finally the hospital gave permission.

"Eat first yuk, since morning you haven't eaten, dear." Brother Darren sat down next to me and grabbed my hand.

"I'm not hungry yet, brother." I answered while looking at him briefly.

After that, only silence enveloped us and the occasional puff of Kak Darren's breath sounded rude.

Soon, his grasp on my hand tightened and trembled slightly. I turned my head and looked back at him, Brother Darren lowered his head slightly.

"I'm sorry, honey. Can't take care of you and Dara .. I'm stupid," he said softly.

"Don't bring it up, brother, I don't blame you." I replied while returning his grasp.

"But the truth is I was wrong, all this happened because of Amanda, and she's my past." Brother Darren's getting down.

I shifted my sitting position until docked in his body, then I hugged the sturdy shoulder tightly. Before opening my voice, I set my feelings first. I don't know, hearing Darren's words similar to Daniel's, made me remember yesterday's whisper.

"Oh, get out of memory! I don't deserve to think about it, "my mind.

"I'm a fool, Kirana!" Again Brother Darren cursed himself.

"Sister, don't keep blaming yourself. Amanda's your past, but I know it's out of your control. So please ... don't keep bringing that up" I said a little firmly.

Honestly, I don't like it when Darren blames him. Not without reason, but I don't want my heart to justify it. Indeed, since hearing Daniel's words yesterday, the thought was tucked away in the corner of my heart. I know it doesn't make any sense, so I'm trying to push as far away as possible. Ah, losing, sometimes does make a person think outside of logic.

"But___"

"Sister, we've been sick enough to lose Dara. Please don't add to that pain with anything else" I concluded quickly.

Five minutes later, Darren turned to me. He stared fixedly at the lips that were moving, as if to speak, but had difficulty starting.

"Why, Brother?" my many.

"Sa-sad___"

"Why?" I repeated the question because Darren didn't even make his point.

"See yesterday .. yesterday ... Daniel whispered something. What's he saying?" ask her a little nervously.

I have trouble swallowing, why should this be the case?

Slowly my brain returned to a dead end, fixated on Daniel's whisper that implied multiple meanings. Because I was silent for a long time, Brother Darren repeated the question, and now while cupping my cheek.

"Darling!" call him.

"Nothing, Brother." I'm shaking. "She just told me to be careful, she said .. Amanda could have made another plan" I said.

"Is that so?"

I nodded with a raging feeling. I don't know why I chose to lie, but honestly more noble.

"Here you go, maybe it's because I'm in a rage. Dara is too precious, so I'm very fragile when she's gone" I said.

"I promise to take better care of you. I will try hard so that events like this do not happen again in the future. I love you so much, dear." Brother Darren's soft words flowed melodiously, along with a warm embrace that suddenly enveloped my body.

For a moment I felt peace like nothing. However, bad thoughts come back unabashedly. Then, I closed and leaned my head against his chest. 'I love him', two words that I endlessly mutter inwardly. Two words that I use to fight the whispers of shethan that infiltrated the heart of—dia that caused Dara to die.

The longer, the less I feel. On the one hand blame Darren, while on the other side defend and affirm feelings.

"Why did Daniel's words affect me so much this time?" my mind is full of questions.

Seriate...