Taint

Destiny is Always Beautiful

I commented a bitter smile, before answering the words of Ms. Fatimah. The memory of my mother goes back through my mind. The woman who was present as an angel, now I leave without news. This longing is actually very torturous, but what can be said, I do not want to trap Mom in a dilemma. Mas Denis and Mas Bayu had already rejected my presence, while those who were more deserving stood by Mother's side.

"Austenance!"

Mrs Fatimah's voice broke my daydream.

"My parents are dead, Mother. Mom died giving birth to me, and Dad, she died when she found out I was pregnant. I am a fool, Mother," I answered not lying, but not entirely honest.

Not without reason I answer that. If I say Mom is my real mother, I'm afraid that Ms. Fatimah will return me home, because she doesn't know how difficult my position is there. I can't tell you my true status. As a child, it is not appropriate to expose the disgrace of parents.

"Don't say that, Kirana. Man is indeed the place of wrong and solemn." Fatimah went up and sat down next to me. A warm touch, gently rubbing my arm.

"Thank you, Mother. Sorry yes, at that time I had suspected Mother," I said, full of regret.

"It's okay, Mother understands, Kirana. Why did you want to kill yourself that night? What does this have to do with .. your pregnancy?" asked Fatimah in a soft voice. As if he was afraid, if that question offended me.

"Yes, Mother. I feel tired of my life. I've improved myself, I've accepted all of this sincerely, but ... God is still testing me. I don't think I'm strong, Mother." I looked down, hiding the tears that were starting to pool.

"Kirana, the test that God has given us, is simply to lead us to the right path. Before you intend to commit suicide, have you returned to the path of God?" Ms. Fatimah pulled out my dangling hair covering my face.

"I___"

"Tell me, without mentioning names. Mother will be a listener, and God willing will give input," said Mrs Fatimah.

"I'm pregnant with a Non-Muslim man, Mother." I looked at the face of Fatimah. He was a little surprised, but the next moment smiled.

"Continue."

"We maintain each other's beliefs, that's why we can't get married. He found me a rented house, and sent me money every month. He asked someone to take care of me, a man he said loved me. At the same time, he was in a relationship with a close friend of mine." I took a deep breath, before continuing the story.

"Him and I had no way to be together, so I began to learn to love men who lived near a contract. A few months running, I managed to do it. I started accepting her as a lover. At the same time, I got hurt again. His love is fake, he's just a man who does it for money. I intend to go to Turen, I want to leave all my dark stories here. However, in the middle of the road I was tricked by mothers. He gave me a drink that put me to sleep, and all my things were taken by him. Then I walked in no direction, and finally arrived at the bridge," I said at length.

I heard the long, rough breath of Fatimah. I raised my face and looked at him.

"May Mother have an opinion?" Fatimah looked back at me with a smile.

I did not open my voice, but I responded with a nod.

"Examination is a form of God's love to lift up the degree of His servant. He gives the test, that man may return to the right path, not to return to the afterlife. Son, there is always wisdom behind disaster. The destiny of God is always beautiful and never wrong" continued Ms. Fatimah, without turning her gaze.

I flinch for quite a long time. I struggled with my own feelings. Closing the aurat was something I had never thought of. If destiny is always beautiful and never wrong, is my meeting with Fatimah also part of destiny? Hearing his advice, my heart was tapped to change its appearance. I am also more calm and sincere in accepting all the things that have happened.

"I'm sorry, if Mommy offended you. Mother___"

"No, Mother, I thank you. Thanks to Mother, I realized where my fault was. I am ashamed to complain and blame God's destiny. Mother, is this meeting of ours also fate?" I smiled cheerfully.

"Maybe, son." Fatimah rubbed the top of my head. "Oh yes, you want to know no, what is the dark story of Mother?"

"You, Mother," I answered enthusiastically.

Ms. Fatimah was silent for a moment, perhaps arranging her heart before taking out the old wounds.

"Mother used to marry the man Mother loved. At that time Mother had not closed the aurat, even Mother often wears minimal clothes. At first we lived happily, but everything changed when Mother did not get pregnant. Mother's content is weak and problematic. According to doctors it is very difficult to have children, and even if it can it is likely to be defective. Since then, Mother's husband began to lose his feelings. Every day just playing women, without thinking about the Mother's heart."

I saw a drop of water soaking in the corner of Fatimah's eyes, I understood how painful the wound was still left. Then I grabbed his fingers, I assured him that everything would be fine.

"In the 4th year, Mother began to get pregnant, and Mother's husband slowly changed his habits. He almost came back like he was married. But all of that is just a false hope. The child that Mommy gave birth to is thin and sickly, even he was sentenced to be paralyzed by a doctor. Mother's husband was very angry, he could not accept the reality. He divorced Mother because of that. Mother lives the child alone, and is then helped by someone. Thanks to that person, Mother succeeded as she is now. Have a decent life, also have faith in God. Forever, Mother will consider the person as a sister," continued Ms. Fatimah, this time accompanied by a knotty smile.

"Lantas now, where's Mother's husband? And ... may I know about Mother's child?" ask me carefully.

"Mother's husband was in an accident, two years after we separated. When he was hospitalized, Mother had time to visit. He apologized, and gave a message that was too difficult for Mother to understand. He died, the day after Mother looked up. As for your child, he died when he was not even 15 years old. The disease that he was born with, is getting worse and he cannot survive" replied Ms Fatimah.

"Patience, yes, Mother." I tightly embraced Bu Fatimah.

"Yes, son, Mother is sincere. It's just .. sometimes Mother still thinks with her mandate," said Ms. Fatimah.

"What is the message, Mother?" my question, curious.

"Please say my apologies to her. Mommy doesn't know 'he' who is meant. So, until now Mother has not been able to carry out the mandate," replied Ms. Fatimah, who then made me think hard.

Seriate...