Taint

The Wedding

I took a long breath again. I kept quiet while thinking about Reza's confession. It's shocking to me that I never expected that. Every once in a while I glanced at him, there was no lie. Just my face and my eyes dimmed.

"Kirana," call Reza.

I lowered my head while linking my fingers, "excuse me, I misunderstood and made you uncomfortable."

"It's not your fault, I was too late to say it." Reza replied while giving a rough breath.

"Maybe ..we are both wrong." I smiled bitterly. "I'm sorry, I've been avoiding you all this time and talking to you. Now ... this issue has been cleared up. I forgive you, Za .. I hope you will forgive me, too" I said.

"Is ... just forgiving each other, Ra?" ask Reza.

"Mmm, you mean?" I asked back.

"I want more of that." Reza. "I love you, I want to marry you, Ra" she continued.

"Me ... married, but Za___"

"You don't love Darren, do you?" Reza. "We've been friends for a long time, wouldn't it be more convenient to live with me, Kirana?"

I closed my eyes for a moment. Actually, I don't want to disappoint Reza. However, if I talk about love and marriage, I will do it.

"Sorry, Za. I promised to marry Darren, and now I'm starting to love him. I___"

"Lied!" concluded Reza with a high tone, which then surprised me.

"I know you still love Daniel. You want to marry Darren, because Daniel maintains his faith, don't you? Just so you know, Ra, it's not just Darren who's willing to love you and accept your son. I can do it too, but why don't you give me a chance?" keep Reza.

"Za, i___"

"He's a very bad guy. What do you expect from him, Ra? You're special, very inappropriate to be with him." Reza cut my words again.

"Where do you say I'm special?" I said it quickly.

"You can survive and not shiver your faith in the least. You are getting closer to Him. Though I'm sure, it's pretty hard for you to get through all that. You're amazing, Kirana. To me you are very special," Reza said firmly.

"Sir Darren is too. He was wrong and then improved himself" I replied.

"Want you to think it's perfect? What about me, Kirana? I've been guarding myself for a long time, why don't you just take it?" Reza's breathing was hunting, it seemed like he was starting to get emotional.

"It's not that I didn't assume, Za, but I promised to marry Darren's sister." I took a breath, before continuing.

"There's a reason behind everything that's happened, Za. We misunderstood, and then we didn't see each other for a long time. Maybe .. because God does not outline a path for us. A soul mate is a reflection of self, Za. Men are good for good women, and vice versa. Perhaps according to fate, I am not worthy of you, that is why we are not given the opportunity to be together" I explained at length.

"I don't agree with that theory. I love you, Ra, I want to marry you." Reza still remains on his will.

"Sorry, Za, I can't" I replied.

"Kirana__"

"Please understand, Za." I'm back down. "The destiny of God is beautiful. God will not break your heart except to replace it with a better one. Believe," connect.

"But I want you, Ra. I lost my identity because I lost track of you. I'm frustrated. I don't know how to get through the day, if you're really married to someone else" Reza said slowly.

"Give yourself to God and avoid all negativity. Grief is God's call that we come to Him. I was once at the lowest position, and I was able to survive thanks to that belief. I'm sure you can do it too, Za." I smile for him.

Reza did not answer, he just threw away his gaze while clenching his hands. Maybe he was disappointed with my decision.

"Za" called me, after a long silence.

"I appreciate your decision, even if it hurts. Maybe ... After this I won't fall in love again." Reza replied, without taking a look.

"Don't say his name." Reza looked at him for a moment. "I almost took drugs because of him" he continued.

"A ... what?" I jerked.

"When I was down, he offered the item as an escape. I almost accepted it, Ra. Is it like that, a reflection of sincere love?" Reza looked at me fixedly.

I shut up and thought hard. What does Mayra mean? Wasn't he just an intermediary, so why offer it to Reza? Is he now a seller?

"Is it finished?" ask Brother Darren. I don't know when he came to me.

"It." Reza replied, before I could open my voice.

"Then, let's go, darling," asked Brother Darren.

"Attent." I answered while looking at Reza. "Please promise not to do anything negative, including sipping alcohol" I said.

Reza moved from her seat with a smile, "please pray that my heart is strong to keep that promise."

I went and answered his words. But I haven't done it yet, he's back talking.

"Once you hurt him, I won't hesitate to beat you up. Now I'm giving up, but if for a second you waste her, I'll take her away from your side.." forever." Reza pats Darren on the shoulder. He left, without waiting for our answer.

In my heart I felt relieved and restless. Relieved that Reza accepted my decision, but also restless because of the many wounds he had inflicted. I can't do much, I can only entrust everything to God. May Reza's heart be open to another love, so that she may be happy without me.

____________

Time goes by so fast. The days and nights I spent brought me to the most important point of my life, marriage. After a month of waiting, the day finally came.

Since a week ago, I sent this happy news to the closest people, including Daniel and Mayra.

At first, Daniel asked Dara to stay with him, while I was on my honeymoon. However, I refuse. I remember her mother's past attitude. Not a bad prejudice, it's just that I didn't calm down to let Dara in there. Even if I can't bring it, I'll leave it to Mom or Miss Fatimah.

In this instant, I lay on the bed while staring at the ceiling of the room. Tomorrow morning Darren and I will sit in front of the ruler and testify with holy words. Thinking too much about it, I couldn't close my eyes. In fact, it is now entering the early hours.

"I just kept on deg-degan. It still feels like a dream" I murmured in solitude.

After getting pregnant and dropping out of college, I didn't dare dream of getting married and having a husband. I feel guilty and unworthy to be a wife. However, all those thoughts slowly faded thanks to the presence of Darren. It helped me regain my confidence, and helped to light the fire of love that had been extinguished.

As I was deep in thought, I was suddenly startled by the ringing of a cell phone. I rushed to grab it because I thought it was Brother Darren. But I was wrong, it turned out Reza called.

I scrunched my forehead. Since we met at the restaurant, we didn't call or text each other. Why now suddenly contact and in the early hours of the morning. What's the matter?

"Assalamu'alaikum" I said with my heart beating faster.

Reza answered my greetings quickly and then spoke at length. I flinched and immediately got up when I heard his words.

"This is impossible" I said in my heart.

I closed my mouth while holding back the tears that were ready to drip.

Seriate...

Hi Brother all, sorry so long not up a new chapter. There are still things that cannot be left behind. From now on, God willing will be more routine up.

Thank you, still faithfully waiting and supporting my work.

I LOPE YU ALL