Taint

Ideals On the verge of Destruction

The motor and the car passed by beside me, tirelessly. His voice rattled, and puffed dust grains into space. Under the scorching hot, warming sun, I walked gontai down the paved road. I clasped the sling bag strap tightly, I tried to shake off the nervousness and fear that had burst into my mind.

"I certainly can," my mind calms itself.

But instead of being calm, I'm getting more and more bitter. The clear circle again passes wetting the cheeks. I really couldn't help it, the tears just kept falling nonstop.

"Why Ma'am, pickpocketing, huh?" The motorcyclist slowed down and looked at me.

I couldn't answer, my voice stuck in my throat. I just responded with a slug, then I sped up and left. I don't care if he judges me arrogant or arrogant, right now all I want is solitude.

I continued to walk with my head down, I didn't want anyone to see these tears for the second time. In my heart I cursed nature, why the sun shines so brightly when my heart is dark. If it had rained this morning, no one would have noticed my crying.

Arriving at the crossroad, I turned my feet towards the right. It is not my destination, but the beach. I want to stay there and calm down for a moment.

The beach is the place I like the most. That's where I usually comfort myself when the mind is tired.

A few minutes passed, footsteps leading me to the white sand. The wind started to blow and put out my broken hair. The waves sound louder, as the feet get closer.

I lifted my face, looked at the blue ocean that stretched wide, then I took a deep breath, when I saw some fishermen were pulling over the boat.

They were clutching each other, as if there were no burdens. I saw each of them catch fish. Smiles and laughter were etched wide, though sweat soaked the entire body.

I passed in front of them looking down, not allowing even a pair of eyes to stare at my face carelessly. I continued to accelerate until I arrived behind the rock, a place quite far from the fisherman.

I sat down without using a pedestal, I let my pants come into direct contact with the grains of sand. Hugging my knees, I hid my face there. Tears returned to drip, as the pain increasingly sliced the arteries. I could not feel like I was going through all this, the ideals that had been laid before my eyes, were now at stake because of stupidity.

"Why can I be this stupid, why! Why I never thought about the impact, why I was so easily lulled. Why are you so stupid, Kirana, why!" curse to myself.

I cried even more, remembering the hope that was being eroded. A faint shadow of Daniel flashed in his memory. Many times I begged for accountability, persuaded, seduced, and seduced her into marrying me. But the answer is still the same, he wants to marry me as long as I follow his beliefs.

One thing I can't possibly do. The purpose of this marriage is for the future, but if I have to leave God, then what kind of future can I get?

"No, I don't want to abandon my faith!" I muttered softly while shaking my head.

"Whatever happens, I don't want to leave my religion. O Allah, forgive all sins that you have committed. Give way and strength to face all of this, O God," I said in tears.

I don't know where I've been all this time, why don't you remember the sin of doing prostitution. The eyes of my heart have been covered in the seduction of shethan. It looks so beautiful in netra. For two years I had enjoyed a despicable sin, and not a second did I think of ending it.

Now all that stupidity has become a bombardment, the wishful thinking and the ideals are on the verge of collapse. Regret and guilt mean nothing more. No matter how many tears are shed, things will not change, and at this point I will only remember the Divine.

"How do I say all this to Mom and Dad" I said in my heart, then I closed my eyes and let the emptiness say hello.

The waves that hit the rock, like a song of lara that loved the wound. The roar of the wind rippled, like a melody that sliced through the heart. Seagull chirping, like a chest-stifling tone of pain.

After a long time of enjoying the nature, I lifted my face and stared at the waves that continued to roll around, tirelessly. Many times I have tears, but these cheeks are still wet because of it. Then I let it flow, falling on my lap. If only my tears could turn into pearls, I would have had a lot of necklaces put on in the last few hours.

"Austenance!"

The familiar sound is caught in the sense of hearing. Whether it is real or just an illusion. The voice came with a warm touch on the shoulders.

"Austenance!"

The second time the voice called me. I don't know what he wants, doesn't he know if I want to be alone?

"Kirana, are you okay?"

"Only a fool thinks I'm okay" my mind was upset.

Seriate...